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Chapter Thirty-Two

KEIR

I didn't know what had set the court off, and none of them were talking about it. Hawke even avoided the question - usually obviously. Rain assured me they had reasons for keeping it to themselves, but I'd seen Aspen after the ordeal at lunch. She'd looked like she'd been through the wringer.

Something was off with her magic. Torian was strained as well, which meant he'd likely been covering for her. Combined, that was a bad combination, because those two were powerful in a way I'd never seen before.

In Survival Skills, a group was talking about the show at lunch. Once again, that word came up: jevadu. At the sound of it, Hawke's head snapped over. When "monster" followed shortly after, the guy lost it.

"You wanna see a monster?" he asked, storming their way.

I caught his arm, dragging him away. "Quit!"

But Bracken wasn't the sort of teacher to ignore things.

"Listen up!" he barked, silencing the room.

"I don't care what rumors you've heard or want to share.

Any slandering of people will not be allowed in here.

If you want to get transferred to home ec, then keep going.

But if anyone thinks calling a fellow student a monster is anything but discrimination.

.." He glared around the room. "I will not have it.

And yes, I take it personally. My own daughter is technically a wildling.

Listen to that again. Wildling, not monster . "

"Wait, what?" I asked, keeping my voice down.

Hawke growled in the back of his throat. "Which part don't you get? They're convinced Torian is a wildling."

"Is he?" I asked.

Hawke just stared at me, almost as if he was looking straight through my soul. "My friend's secrets are his own."

"But a jevadu?" I asked. "There's no way."

"Nothing wrong with jevadu," Hawke countered. "Just like there's nothing wrong with Jack or Rain."

"Well, ok," I admitted, seeing his point. "But jevadu kill people."

"So would Jack and Rain."

I stood there like an idiot as his point slammed into my mind. And still, I had to make one last rebuttal. "Hawke, they're not sidhe. Jevadu are predators. They're nothing like us. Shouldn't they have their own school or something? I mean, what if he fed on someone!"

"Torian has no reason to feed on anyone," Hawke assured me, "so don't worry about him."

I paused, scanning Hawke's face for some hint of the truth he was using. I knew there was an evasion there, but not where it was.

"So he's not a jevadu?" I pressed. "Fuck off is an acceptable answer."

Finally, Hawke relaxed. "Fuck off."

"Ok." I agreed without any hard feelings. "Just tell me one thing? Reassure me that the court would never allow a jevadu to kill anyone I care about?"

"Who do you care about?" he countered.

"Rain, me, most of the people on the court, Ms. Rhodes, Bracken, Liam, and Pascal."

"Yeah, then you're safe," Hawke assured me. "Can't imagine why any of them would fuck with us, and there's no reason for a jevadu to mess with anyone who isn't a problem. See, that's how wildlings work, Keir. You know, the exact same way sidhe do."

Yeah, he had a good point, but I'd never lived in Faerie.

I didn't exactly have experience with wildlings - except Jack.

In my opinion, Rain didn't count. She was completely human, even if her magic was Wild.

And yet, the way Hawke had answered made me realize that regardless of what Torian was - or his insane magical abilities - he was still a person.

He was still someone I'd like to call a friend.

So it didn't matter what he was. In truth, it didn't matter what any of us were.

Hawke could be the fucking heir to the Winter throne for all I knew - his magic was ambiguous enough - and that didn't make him a bad guy.

Then again, it would kinda explain why he avoided discussing his past on Faerie.

What it didn't explain was why none of the others would either.

But people had secrets. It didn't matter what kind of a person they were, no one wanted to show their vulnerabilities to anyone they didn't trust. I understood, because I wasn't any different.

In truth, that was how I'd ended up here, mixed up with the court.

When a girl had dumped me for a "better" fae guy, it had hurt.

When she'd made it clear it was because my magic sucked?

I didn't cry about it, though. That would be showing too much - telling strangers my vulnerabilities, in a way.

And maybe I was a little sensitive about my fucked-up magic.

It was normal for kids to dream about manifesting the type of power Torian took for granted.

And yet, for the first time, I was starting to realize it wasn't necessarily a good thing.

With that much power came just as much fear of it.

Defensive Combat was when Rain showed up.

The period after that, Bracken separated us, forcing us to practice with someone new.

And when the rest of the students were excused for the day, Hawke, Rain, and I met in the weapons closet.

While Hawke focused on stopping two opponents, I made sure Rain knew I'd follow her lead - and focused on learning to actually follow.

We were hot and sweaty messes by the time Rain's detention class was over.

Grabbing our coats - and Jack - we headed back.

Without even asking, Hawke and I aimed for the girls' side entrance, making sure Rain made it safely to the elevator.

But as we walked around the atrium to get to our side, the guy surprised me.

"So Wilder's up in Torian's suite, keeping an eye on Aspen. Wanna come hang with us?"

I thought about it for all of half a second. "Sure. Sounds good."

"Not going to ask why?" Hawke wanted to know.

I shrugged. "Ok, Hawke. Why do you want me to hang?"

He laughed. "I meant why Wilder's babysitting."

"Yeah, that was obvious to me at lunch," I assured him. "Aspen has never had much control of her magic, which is forcing Torian to do something, and it's straining his own control. Wilder's there to help with shields or nullification, right?"

"Close enough," Hawke assured me as he pressed the button to call the elevator. "The details are wrong, but the concept is right. "

The thing opened, but I didn't enter. Instead, I grabbed the edge, keeping it from shutting again. "I just want to know why there's a line? You're fucking hinting, but you also make it clear you won't tell me."

"Can't," Hawke said as he walked on. "Downside of promises, man. Think of it more as doing my best not to leave my new friend in the dark, ok?"

I laughed once, then joined him. Hawke pressed the button for the fourth floor, and the car began to move.

"That makes me feel better," I said casually. "Both the title and the explanation."

"Yeah, kinda what I thought." He flashed me a smirk. "I was lucky enough to know everything before there was a promise to talk around. Watching Rain twist herself up to respect it, but still be curious? I figure you can't be much better."

"I'm not."

He glanced over as we reached the top. "But you hide it well." And then he walked off.

I followed, stopping at the second door in the hall while Hawke opened it. Then, when he stepped in, I followed to see Wilder lying across the bed. The guy looked up, his eyes found Hawke, and he smiled.

"Hey," he said warmly before looking at me. "Come to hang?"

"Figured I don't have anything else to do," I admitted.

"Cool."

But Hawke didn't stop until he reached Wilder. "Sorry I stink."

Then he bent and kissed the guy. It was quick and casual, but definitely not chaste. Oh no, the way their tongues met made it clear it was expected - and anticipated.

"Guess that means I've come up a level, hm?" I joked. "Not worried I'll say something and get one of you moved?"

"Already moved," Hawke reminded me with a devious smirk. "Not technically, but for all intents and purposes, I've been staying in here."

"Good point." I moved to claim the chair over by the desk. "So how are they doing?"

Wilder sighed. "Not good, if I'm honest. We just got back from our magical responsibility class, and it was a fucking mess. Aspen's spiraling. She's only just learned some control, and the Hunt fractured it because she was fucking terrified - "

"With good reason," Hawke added.

I nodded to show I agreed, but Wilder kept going. "So she screwed up once, and now she's worried about doing it again."

"Which basically prevents her from regaining her control," I finished, showing I was keeping up. "And Torian?"

"Fuck," Wilder grumbled. "Fucking bastard is currently running on too much magic. He needs to drain some off, but he can't use that sort of power without causing problems. It's like - "

"Hawke!" Torian called.

"Yeah?" Hawke yelled back.

A door in the bathroom opened. Before I could even see him, Torian asked, "Hey, I need you to do me a favor? Ms. Rhodes said something which might help me. According to her, royalty - " He came to a screeching halt as he made it all the way into this room because he caught a glimpse of me. "Keir?"

"Just came to chill," I assured him.

"Again?" he snarled.

I lifted both hands. "I happen to enjoy my new friends. Thought that was a good thing?"

"Good?" Torian demanded, turning those spring-green eyes of his on me. "Oh, is this because no one else wants you around? Or is it just because you're too chickenshit to actually deal with your dead roommate?"

"Tor!" Wilder snapped.

"He's always fucking in here!" Torian roared. "Never a second to ourselves. Never a moment when I can speak without thinking first! Always, like he's some fucking loser no one else wants around." Those eyes of his snapped back. "Is that it? Desperation isn't a good look, Keir."

"Fuck you, Torian," I sighed. "I get it, you're stressed."

"And you don't seem to grasp the concept of privacy!" He took a warning step towards me even as the air in the room began to stir. "I didn't ask you to be here."

"Hawke did." I lifted a brow, daring him to deny his friend that right.

"This is my room!" Torian roared. "Mine! Do you hear me?"

"Hey, hey, hey!" Aspen begged, rushing out from the bathroom to grab her brother's hand. "I'm sorry, ok?"

"It's him!" Torian growled, refusing to look away from me. "He's what upset the balance. He's the problem. And he's always here." He paused only long enough to pull in a deep breath. "Get. Out."

"Tor!" Aspen begged.

"Hey, that's - " Wilder tried .

Hawke moved between us, but the magic in the air was increasing.

"I may have been forced to accept you on the court, Keir, but that doesn't mean I have to accept you in my space.

You are not welcome here." Torian took another step, shoving Hawke aside in the process.

"Go the fuck away. Stop being a fucking zygony !

Fin's dead. He's not even there, but you're avoiding your room because you're too fucking scared to face your own failures. That means you aren’t strong enough to be here.

You aren't capable of keeping up with us . "

"Hey!" I snapped, because no one liked being called the fae equivalent of a wuss. At least our term meant glass instead of female genitals. "If you want something, have you ever considered just asking? Or are you always this big of a dick?"

"He kinda is," Wilder agreed, yet even he was now on his feet, posed to block Torian from coming at me.

The air in the room was filled with static. Moisture was starting to grow. The wind wasn't strong, but I could see papers fluttering on the bed where Wilder had been studying. Just the corners, luckily.

The one thing I wouldn't think about was how Torian's words hurt. They were only words. Sticks and stones, right? Considering I was a fae, I could heal from almost anything. I didn't need to worry about a little bruise on my pride - or so I tried to tell myself. It still stung.

So what if I'd been avoiding my own room because of the too-still silence? Guilt was definitely a part of it, but I didn't want to talk about it. I'd thought I'd found a place where I could be safe to ignore it, with people who understood that sometimes acceptance didn't come quickly.

And now that was gone too.

"You know what, Torian?" I shot back. "I don't care what you are. You deserve to be called a monster!"

I turned, intending to leave, but my words pushed him over the edge. Electricity cracked in the air. The gentle movement of a breeze suddenly slammed into me like a cold front. That was what made me turn, but I could smell moisture, just like a storm was coming.

"Get the fuck out!" Torian screamed.

I wasn't even all the way around, but the bolt of lightning that shot from his chest was so bright. A purple-white light reflected off the walls, burning my eyes and making me all but blind, yet years of training were hard to overcome.

I threw up a shield, hoping to dim the glow, yet it only lasted a second. One split second where the bolt crashed into the iridescence of my own magic, dissipating immediately, leaving burn marks in my vision and the boom of it slammed into my chest, likely "just" thunder to the rest of the school.

"You've just gone too fucking far," I said, shoving down all my emotions.

Then I stormed toward him.