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Chapter Thirty

RAIN

W hen Keir and I made it back that night, there were three more plants in the bathroom. One was taking up the bathtub! Yeah, and it was half full of water, which made me think this one was the aquatic type.

Keir told me the names of them - which I promptly forgot. Considering he had to look them up in one of his textbooks, I didn't feel too bad about it. These were just plants. Sure, the fae kind, but I was more worried about what they meant than that they were here.

Because I did like plants. I loved the way they made our space feel like we'd claimed it. My concern was that Aspen wasn't here . I couldn't enjoy it with her, learn about her passion for gardening, or see if she needed help. I had to simply trust my friends.

Keir was sweet, though. He let me lie on his shoulder and rant about it. Well, there was more fretting than anything, but he said he understood. He also told me they were going to make sure Aspen knew I missed her.

That was when I realized I'd been a self-centered little twit. Keir was dealing with his own problems, but he hadn't complained once. Turning on my side, I shifted so I could see him and decided to stop ignoring it.

"Wanna talk about Fin yet?"

I felt him still beneath me. "Not really, no."

"Ok," I said, "but I will listen, you know. I just don't want to push and make it worse. It's just that you're spending a lot of time with the court, so I thought you might be avoiding things."

"My room, yeah," he agreed. "It's weird, though. I mean, I don't miss the guy. Hell, if I'm honest, it's nice to not have him around, but that makes me feel like shit, so I try not to think about it."

"Kinda like my father," I said. "The DNA one, not my dads.

He used to beat up my mom, and she shot him.

Mom's in jail forever now, and I miss her, but at the same time, I barely remember her.

My father? The few memories I have of him are all like some monster coming out of the dark.

Granted, that was probably one of his drunken rages, but I start off glad he's gone, then I feel like I should feel bad because of it. "

"Yeah?" he asked.

I nodded. "One of my many therapists said it's because I miss the chance, not the person.

I was longing for a place to belong back then, right?

So she said I wanted a family. I mean, she wasn't wrong, but her point was I wanted a father, not my father.

I wanted to have the things everyone else gets, like daddy-daughter dances, or birthday cakes.

Instead, I got bounced from home to home.

So, like, I really just missed the thing I wished my father had been. "

"Yeah," Keir breathed. "Rain, that actually helps."

Which sounded like he was still trying to cope with it.

I understood, but now it made me worry about him too.

Granted, I was starting to think all this worrying was going to give me an ulcer before I reached twenty.

It also proved how amazing the teachers and staff at Silver Oaks really were. They had to know this shit was hard.

The next day proved it. In first period, which was now my "Magic with Ivy Rhodes" class, I asked about ways to use my shadows with the Hunt. That made Ms. Rhodes quiz me about what my shadows had done. The results weren't good, and I had no problem pointing it out.

So in third period - my other class taught by Ms. Rhodes - I was called to the front before the bell even rang. Wondering what I'd done wrong this time, I was braced for the worst.

"You need to see Liam in his office," she said, clasping my shoulder. "Everyone is fine. He just wants to check in with you, so you get an excused absence for this class, and Wilder will give you notes so you're not behind."

"I will?" Wilder asked.

"Yes," Ms. Rhodes told him. "So take good ones, because Rain will need them." The way she smiled made it clear she'd set him up .

Yet Jack had opinions about missing class. I wasn't sure what they were, because he only cawed and chattered as we headed towards the office. Quietly, of course. He'd been called out too many times for disturbing classes, and it seemed the bird was starting to learn.

The moment I walked into the glass-walled administrative area, Liam called, "Rain, over here."

"Ok?" I already knew that.

I still headed his way, but when he shut the door behind me, closing the two of us into his office, I was starting to get worried. Thankfully, Dad had a smile on his face as he waved me to a chair.

"Sit. Jack, you're welcome to anything that works for you."

"Jack-Dad!" he replied, flitting over to claim the arm of Liam's chair. It was perch-sized, after all.

"Did I do something wrong?" I asked. "I mean, isn't getting pulled out of class bad?"

"I'm the counselor," Liam reminded me. "Ivy said you're feeling a lot of pressure, so I wanted to check in. She assured me you are doing well in Fae History, so you can miss a class without an issue."

"Oh."

So he leaned back, tilting his chair slowly so Jack could adjust with him. "So why are you worried about your magic, kid?"

Yep, Ivy had clearly told on me. "I was kinda trying to learn how to use it. That's what the class is for, right?"

"Ivy said you seemed concerned the shadows don't work on hunters.

" He let his head roll sideways against the back of his chair, looking completely at ease.

"I can't really help with the magic part, but I can with the concern.

So what is concerning you, Rain? I mean, the more you talk, the more classes you get to miss, and it looks like you have biology next. "

I had to chuckle, because he was good. Well, considering he was a counselor for the fae? Yeah, he'd have to be. Some of these kids could lie. Others couldn't, but plenty could detect when someone else did. That meant he had to be on his A game.

"I don't know what's wrong," I finally said.

"So make it up," he suggested.

I groaned out a heavy breath. "Aspen is avoiding me, my magic didn't stop the Hunt, I suck at fighting with Keir because I'm worried I'm going to hurt him with my steel sword, and Hawke says I'm improving in math."

Liam thrust out his lower lip then nodded. "Well, it seems there's at least one thing going well, hm? "

Ok, that was actually a good point.

"Yeah, but what about Aspen?" I asked.

He pointed at me. "And there's the real issue." Then he kicked his feet up on his desk, gesturing to show I could do the same. "Rain, she just looked death in the face."

"I know."

"For the first time," he clarified. "Sure, the fae all know about the Hunt, but most haven't had one grab them and start walking."

"Yeah..." Ok, that would definitely suck.

"They also haven't stared the Huntsman in the eyes. They haven't been rendered powerless when they needed it most."

"People are saying Aspen tried to fight," I told him. "The guys made it sound like it was true."

"I wasn't there," Liam reminded me, "but yeah. Sounds like she's the reason a few kids in her class were able to get back inside. Here's the thing, Rain. They ran. They left her behind with the entire Hunt now looking at her."

"They didn't even try to help?" I gasped.

"Most people don't," he said. "You did. You barely know what you're doing with a sword.

" He lifted a finger. "Bracken says I'm supposed to point out your success so as to not make you tense and afraid of failing.

I happen to think you have something else pushing you, so I'm just going to be honest, ok? "

"What's pushing me?" I asked instead.

Liam looked over at Jack. "Let's call it responsibility, because the fear of failure sounds bad."

And yet he was right. I was freaked the fuck out about what would happen if I couldn't do this.

Everyone talked about the Morrigan as if I was some miracle whose mere presence would set everything right again.

I wasn't! I was just some stupid human girl with no clue how to handle all this fae stuff.

Well, a small clue. I still only knew a fraction of what everyone else took for granted!

"So what do I do?" I asked.

"Exactly what you are doing." He shrugged. "Everyone has to start somewhere, but instead of judging yourself against what you could become, maybe try thinking about the girl you used to be? Would last semester's version of you have been able to do what you did out there?"

"No," I mumbled .

"Would last year's version of you have chased down a creature from fantasy books?"

I huffed out a little laugh. "I dunno, maybe? But only if he was hot."

Liam chuckled. "That's my girl. But all I'm saying is that instead of thinking about what you can't do now, focus on how far you've come, ok? Let yourself be proud of your accomplishments, because we are."

Which made me look up in surprise. "Yeah?"

"Definitely," he swore. "Not only Bracken and me either. Ivy, Tag, and Ms. Linden too. Those three all saw you in action."

"Ms. Linden?" I asked, surprised at that because she wasn't one of my teachers.

"It was her botany class," he explained.

Which made me think of another question. "Why are they even allowed to have classes outside, Dad? I mean, if the Hunt can just swoop out and start grabbing people, that doesn't really sound safe!"

"The Hunt comes with a storm," he reminded me. "Those classes are scheduled around the weather. Ms. Linden and Ms. Rhodes checked to make sure it would be a clear and safe day."

"But it wasn't!"

"And the weather forecasts aren't perfect," he reminded me.

"They're probably working on new protections and extra safety measures - but we can't lock the fae inside.

They're fae, Rain. These people need a little nature in order to thrive.

Think of it like locking a lion in a cage.

Sure, it might be alive, but how much is it suffering? "

"Oh." Yeah, I could see that. "I just feel like I should be doing more."

"Why?"

"Because I'm the Morrigan!" I rolled my eyes. "Dad! Everyone makes a big deal out of it, and ok, maybe I'm learning quickly, but shouldn't I be trying harder? Or, I dunno, reading more?"

"You," he told me, "should be growing up. You should be spending time with your friends, strengthening your ties to Faerie - and all the fae here count for that. Most of all, I think you have to realize you're not a lion either. No cages, Rain, and too much pressure can quickly become one."

"Even if people die?" I asked.

He nodded. "Even then, because none of this is your responsibility."

"But it is!" I shot back. "That's the thing, Dad.

It is because I want it to be. I want to be magical, and now I am.

That means I have to do something with it, and this is my 'job.

' Maybe it's not quite what I was expecting, but it's the one thing I can do.

It was the magic I was offered, I guess?

I don't even know, but I know I want to get it right! "

"You are," he said. "Rain, you are amazing, don't you see? And maybe you're not used to people saying that and meaning it, but look at your friends! Did Keir try to hold you back? Did Hawke tell you to get behind him? Did Bracken lock you in a closet? Did Ivy stand before you, shielding you?"

"No?" Where was he going with this?

Liam leaned forward, dropping his arms onto his desk. Jack fluttered to keep his perch, but my dad didn't seem to notice.

"I just named some of the best fae warriors on Earth, Rain, and two who could be.

They're the people who are supposed to save you, but all of them seemed to think you could take it.

They respect you, Rain. They fought side-by-side with you.

To me, that says you're doing exactly what you're supposed to.

Now, I'm not a warrior, but I live with one, and I've heard all about what he thinks.

Trust me when I tell you this. You. Did. Amazing."

"So why does everything feel shitty?" I asked.

"Because the Hunt exists," he explained. "It's like finding out the monster under the bed is real. Worse, that it can't be stopped."

"So am I supposed to stop it?"

He lifted his hands, offering nothing. "I'm sorry, kid. I don't know. I have a feeling none of us will until it's too late. I'm just doing my best to keep your mind and heart as safe as your body."

"Yeah." I bit my lower lip, but on impulse added, "It's kinda why I love you."

Liam's breath caught and he lifted a hand to his lips. "Yeah?"

I nodded. "I mean, that's ok, right? Like, you and Bracken are the best dads I could ever ask for. You make me feel safe and happy. Like I can talk to you."

"Because you always can," he swore. "Always, Rain, even when it's embarrassing or weird. Even if it's something you don't think is big enough. It's the sort of father I always wanted to be."

Suddenly, a tiny giggle slipped out. "Do you think Jack had something to do with you meeting me? Like, maybe he fixed it so we'd end up a kickass family?"

"I dunno." Liam looked over. "Did you, Jack?"

"Jack!" the bird replied.

"That's a yes or no question," Liam pointed out .

The crow simply ruffled his feathers. "Jack." This time he sounded indignant.

"I think he did," I said. "I also think it's cool, so I'm going to believe it until he tells me otherwise."

"Jack!" he cawed again. "Jack-Rain. Jack-Rain-Dads!"

I had no clue what that meant, but it seemed to support my theory.