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Chapter Forty-Three

RAIN

H awke was pissed. As the elevator rose upwards, he couldn't contain it any more. "Who are they to call anyone monsters? Don't they see they are the monsters? They're all chasing the attention of a woman who's a damned FOOL! They..." He paused just as the elevator began shaking.

I grabbed the side for balance, Jack flared his wings, but Hawke just spread his stance. And yet, we both looked at each other. The tremors were subtle, like maybe a loose wheel? Visions of plunging down four stories to my death quickly filled my mind.

"Please tell me it's not broken?" I asked just as the doors dinged and opened.

Hawke grabbed me by the arm, all but pulling me off the car. "No, I think that's a bigger problem. Rain, shit's probably going down in the cafeteria. Fucking jesters!"

"Not here," I hissed.

I wasn't sure why, though. It just felt wrong to talk about our shit in the halls where anyone - and many of them wishing they were popular enough to be considered a jester - could overhear.

Thankfully, Hawke didn't try to resist. So, using his hold on my arm to my advantage, I plowed forward, towing him with me.

When we reached my door, I decided to try Keir's trick. Flicking a blob of shadows at it, I tried to remember where I'd put my key. Fuck, but I needed to start paying a little attention to such things! Yet with fae magic all over, it always seemed unimportant - until I regretted it. Kinda like now.

The shadow quickly shifted into a snake and slithered into the lock. A second later, an audible click proved it had worked. Grabbing the knob, I turned and pushed, opening the door wide enough for Hawke to follow me in. Jack immediately launched, aiming for his perch.

Hawke obeyed out of habit, stepping over the threshold, yet he paused hard when I closed the door behind him. "Rain? Why are you bringing me to your room?"

"Uh, because I know where it is?" I closed the distance between us to gently rub at his upper arms. "And I don't know what they said that set you off this time.

Or if it's just all of it?" I waved that away, knowing he couldn't tell me.

"I figured I could get you out of there for a second.

Everyone's always worried about Torian, but this can't be easy on you either. "

Slowly, he licked his lips, but his eyes were jumping between my face and the walls around us. When they landed on Jack, he let out a heavy sigh. "Why not my room, Rain?"

"Um, because I'm not completely sure which one it is," I admitted, wondering if I'd screwed up my big rescue.

He looked at me like he was disappointed. "You've been there."

"With Wilder, or with Torian?" I countered. "And in case you forgot, you were kinda pissed when I convinced you to leave the cafeteria. I thought asking where you lived might be, I dunno, the straw that breaks the camel's back."

"I'm kinda between both," he admitted.

"See?" I asked, trying to lighten the mood - and prove I wasn't a moron. "This way, I don't have to worry about it - or about having Torian come back and set you off again." I tugged, trying to encourage him to come sit on the bed and calm down.

But he resisted. "Rain?"

"I'm still not scared of you, Hawke." Because that seemed to be what always made him calm down.

"Fuck!" he grumbled, turning the other way just to pace a few steps. "Shit, I didn't mean to fuck with you. I've been trying so hard not to do it, but you're just not scared of me."

I had exactly no clue what he was talking about. "Hawke?" I tried. "You didn't fuck with me."

"So why are you nice to me?" he demanded, clearly frustrated.

"No one is nice to me. To everyone else in this school, I'm just Torian's friend.

His sidekick! They think I'm so easy to fucking forget about - and they laugh about it!

They think I'm nothing because they don't know shit about Faerie.

Oh, they've heard stories. They whisper about the bedtime terrors their parents told them.

They giggle about being princes and princesses - willing to settle for any title they can sink their claws into, but they don't have a damned clue what it would mean.

They've never seen the pressure nobility is drowning under.

No one stops to think about why the Queen went mad!

These fools don't know what it's like when the rose-colored glasses have been removed! "

Holy shit. Ok, that was a lot to take in, and I really didn't know where it was coming from. Why did he care so much about nobility? Wilder, maybe? Or was Hawke hiding a lot more than the color of his magic?

"You know you can tell me, right?" I asked. "Anything you want. I'm not going to use it against you."

"I can't," he snarled, turning to lash out at my chair, shoving it towards the desk. "We promised to not expose ourselves. We can't - " He stopped hard.

Oh yeah, there was something there. I just didn't know what, and unlike everyone else, I refused to jump to conclusions. Ms. Rhodes had all but smacked me in the face with it the other day. Everyone deserved to come out in their own time. Directed at me, of course. But here? In this school?

I had a feeling "coming out" was about a lot more than just sexuality.

Identity mattered too. Who we kissed, who we were friends with, and what we aspired to were all things we were desperately trying to figure out.

Adding in ranks of nobility and all the other archaic shit I didn't really understand?

Yeah, Wilder was a duke. But Hawke? Torian?

I would never use their pasts against them. It didn't matter if they were monsters or royals. I couldn't give a shit about either. What mattered to me was that the entire court had been there for me when I needed it. The least I could do was repay the favor.

So I asked gently, "Hawke, what are you talking about? Not the details. What's the real problem?"

His head whipped around, those autumn eyes locking on me. "I'm saying I like you, dammit! I have since you showed up, and now you're bringing me to your room?"

I had to fight back a smile. "Yeah?" I closed the distance between us one more time, reaching up to cup his face. "I kinda like you too. Well, I like a few people, but I've heard that's ok. "

"No," he said, leaning his cheek into my touch. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, but you never noticed me until now. I think you just like my power."

"I kinda like my own power," I assured him. "Hawke, I'm immune to your magic, remember?"

"Wrong power," he breathed, but his eyes were scanning my face. Then he pulled back, standing straighter. "Or have I been wrong about you this whole time?"

I laughed once. "Uh, probably. I mean, in case you missed it, I'm here because I want a future.

One no one else can take from me, and a future no one just gives me either.

I want to earn what I'm praised for, even if I have to claw my way through shadow magic, Wild Hunts, and fae politics to do it.

Hawke, I just want some friends! I want people who give a shit about me so I can give one back. I want - "

He caught the back of my neck, startling me enough to cut me off. "You're definitely earning it," he growled before leaning in fast and pressing his lips up against mine.

The man kissed me. I tensed, unsure what was happening for a split-second.

Yet when my brain caught up, all I could think about was Aspen's giggle when I'd told her about Keir kissing me in the darkness on New Year's Eve.

I remembered her being the perfect best friend, encouraging me to chase these guys, even though she was my girlfriend.

In other words, I remembered there was nothing at all wrong with doing exactly what I wanted to for once. No strings attached.

So I grabbed Hawke's shirt, pulling his chest as close to me as possible.

When my lips parted, he was right there.

His hand on the back of my neck shifted to the side, holding my face where he wanted.

Turning gently, he kissed me hard while easing me back.

Our tongues swirled and bumped, learning each other.

I let him ease me another step back. He followed, kissing even harder.

Where Aspen was soft and Keir was hard, Hawke was sharp.

The feel of his mouth on mine made me hyperaware of my entire body.

The pressure of his thumb resting against the base of my throat made me aware his nail was just long enough to dent my skin.

The power of his hand, controlling the angle of my head.

The way he pressed in, standing taller than me and so much broader.

It was all enough to make a girl moan, and I did.

The sound was soft, hanging in the back of my throat, but he heard it.

I felt his lips flicker in a smile just as my back hit the wall.

Immediately, his other hand caught my waist, pulling my hips against his.

Then he bucked, grinding a hard ridge against my belly.

"Court!" Jack cawed loudly.

"Fuck!" Hawke breathed, jerking back.

"Court, court, Rain!" Jack continued. "Rain! Rain-Jack!"

"I fucking know, ok?" Hawke snapped at the bird.

But he'd just left me there. I was still trying to catch my breath, and now the guy was pissed all over again? What the actual fuck?

"Hawke?" I asked.

Lifting both hands, he took a step back. "I didn't think. Rain, I'm sorry, I - "

"Dad!" Jack cawed this time.

"I stopped, ok?" Hawke bellowed at the bird.

And then a fist rapped at my door. Jack nodded his head, bouncing most of his body in the process. "Dad! Court-Rain-Dad!"

"One of my dads is here," I explained, turning for the door.

"Fuck," Hawke grumbled. "Shit!"

"What?" I begged.

But outside, Liam's voice called, "Rain? You ok?"

"I gotta go," Hawke announced suddenly. And in two steps, he crossed the room, snatched open the door, and pushed past Liam. "Tell your daughter to stay away from trouble from now on," he snarled before turning away from the elevators.

"Uh..." Liam looked after him, then turned back to me. "Does that have anything to do with the lightning in the cafeteria? Ivy told me to check on you."

"Court, Morrigan, shadows, Court, Rain!" Jack explained. "Court! Court, court, court. Rain-Court. Jack!"

Liam just looked at me. "Does that mean anything to you?"

"Usually doesn't," I admitted, stepping back so Dad could come in. "And Hawke's a fucking dick."

Liam tensed mid-step. "You ok?"

"Oh, I'm fine. But him? He's a - " I stopped and pushed out a sigh. "Come in, Dad. Sit down. Tell me what happened while I was up here, because you said lightning?"

Liam nodded his head and came the rest of the way in. After I closed the door, he pulled out the chair Hawke had shoved earlier, turned it towards the bed, then sat. A gesture of his arm indicated I should do the same .

So I used the chair Wilder had made for me. "Lightning?" I pressed.

"Hawke," he countered. "Rain, what did he do?"

"He was going to fry the jesters, so my shadows stopped him."

"Rain-Morrigan," Jack bragged.

I rolled my eyes at him and kept going. "Keir helped me hold him back, and then I convinced him to leave the cafeteria.

I got Hawke to come up here, thinking I was going to talk him down, but things just got weird.

He thought I was after his power..." I lifted a brow, aware my dad would know more about that than I did.

"What exactly did he say about it?" he pressed.

"He thought I just liked him because of it, but - Aspen has more, doesn't she?"

"Complicated," Liam said. "Then what happened?"

"Um, he kissed me." I lifted a hand. "Aspen's cool with it."

"Is Keir?"

I grimaced. "Maybe? I mean, he says he's cool with me and Aspen, and he makes it sound like it's normal to have a few partners, you know?"

"And how will you feel when he does it?" Dad asked.

Letting out a groan, I leaned forward, bracing my elbows on my knees so I could clasp my head in my hands. "I don't know, ok? I also didn't really plan to kiss Hawke, but when it happened, I kinda went with it. And yes, I'll tell them. Promise!"

"So you kissed him?"

"Well, he kissed me first."

Liam chuckled. "So you kissed back."

"Yeah," I mumbled. "Bad?"

"Just explains Hawke's attitude a second ago," he said. "Rain, boys get as flustered about this stuff as girls do. More, in my case, and I have a feeling Hawke is more like me in that respect."

"Than who?" Because if this was a comparison, Dad had to be comparing against someone.

"Bracken was who I was thinking," he admitted.

"But it could be anyone. There are guys who seem very confident about making a move.

Then there are guys like me, who are sure we'll be rejected for one reason or another.

Too ugly, too stupid, too lame, or anything else we can think to worry about that day. Often, all of them at once."

"So did I mess up?"

"No," he said. "Just talk to your girlfriend and boyfriend, make sure it's all out in the open, and you might get some ideas of what to do next from them. Rain, this is what it means to grow up. You get to do all the hard stuff for the first time."

"Keir's not my boyfriend," I reminded him. "But what's the deal with the cafeteria? What happened after we left?"

He smiled at me proudly. "Well, thanks to you and Keir, it seems to be still standing."