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Chapter Sixty-Seven

RAIN

M onday, Torian avoided me completely, even going so far as to skip both biology and lunch. Ok, that hurt, but when Aspen struggled to keep up her normally chipper attitude? I realized I wasn't the one being punished.

It also wasn't fair.

I had a feeling Torian's latest issue really was my fault.

Worse, he was right. I didn't have a clue how to be a Morrigan, but there was one thing I knew.

I knew what it was like to finally get an amazing holiday after always dreaming of them.

So, deciding it was time to put my own pride aside, I headed to my dads' place and asked for help.

Aspen's birthday was on Friday. That wasn't really enough time, but Liam and Bracken promised they'd handle the cake. It'd be fae-appropriate too - which meant completely vegan. Liam assured me he knew a few very good recipes, so step one was accomplished.

On Tuesday, I cornered Hawke and Wilder. Mostly, I wanted Wilder, because he seemed to have an affinity for Aspen. Their Winter bond, or whatever it was. Telling them my plan, Wilder was completely on board, but Hawke saw the problem right away.

"She won't be happy unless Torian's there, Rain," he warned.

Yeah, but I'd already figured that out, so I cornered Keir next.

His job was to scout out a safe spot outside.

The big issue? On Wednesday, it rained. That meant we were going to need somewhere not muddy - but it had to be outside.

Everyone agreed, because Aspen loved the outdoors, so this had to happen.

Thursday morning, everything came together when Ms. Rhodes agreed to help me talk to Torian.

He, Aspen, and Wilder still had a detention class with her about magical responsibility.

She agreed to send him to my normal practice room with a valid excuse he would never see through. The rest was up to me.

So the moment my last official class was released, I told my zez I had to go, Ms. Rhodes had approved it, and I ran.

Jack followed behind me like a streak in the sky, his soft caws cheering me on.

I had ten minutes to get from the gym to the private room in the Never, and I wanted to be there before Torian so he'd have to at least hear me out.

I made it, barely. I'd just sat down, with Jack on the back of the chair he usually used, when Torian wrenched open the door and tromped in - then stopped hard.

"What are you doing here?" he snapped.

"I'm sorry!" I said before he could turn around.

"You're right, I was wrong, and Aspen's the thing we can both agree on.

I'm so sorry that I'm a shitty Morrigan, but I am trying, Torian.

I just want to help her, and I don't know how, but no one can say anything!

I'm working blind here, and I'm still just a shitty-ass human, but I am trying to do it right! Will you help me?"

He grabbed the back of the chair before him and let his bag fall to the floor. "My friends are pissed at me because of you."

"And that makes me a shitty person," I said.

His head twitched hard. "That's not a lie?"

"I feel like a pretty fucking shitty person, ok?" I gestured to the chair. "I was hoping that maybe we could talk about it? I mean, Aspen's birthday is tomorrow, and it's her eighteenth, right?"

"Yeah?" He sounded suspicious.

"Torian, has anyone ever thrown a birthday party for you?"

He grunted. "Of course not."

"So maybe Aspen would like one? Can we call a truce and give her something good to remember?

No fighting for one whole day? And, I dunno, maybe figure out what I did to piss you off and work on it after that?

Or before that? Or..." I lifted both hands to rub at my eyes.

"Fuck, I dunno. I just want to fix it, and I'm tired of fucking shit up, ok? "

Slowly, he pulled out the chair and lowered himself into it. "I'm just trying to keep her safe. "

"And I'm trying to protect her," I pointed out. "I just think that while you're worried about one type of pain, I'm worried about another."

He glanced at my bird - who was suspiciously still and quiet - then back to me. "Once she's eighteen, she'll be an adult here."

"Yeah, that's why it's such a big deal."

He nodded. "She's three days older than me."

I grimaced. "I was going to see about maybe throwing you a birthday party too."

With a growl, he slapped his hand down on the table. "This isn't about that petty bullshit."

But I refused to let him entice me into yelling back. Keeping my voice as calm as possible, I looked up and met his eyes.

"Torian, it is to her."

His body rocked like I'd just thrown cold water into his face. "What?"

"I've lived with her for months now. I can't count how many times we've daydreamed with each other before falling asleep, and she has so many things she wants.

She talks about her options for the future.

How she wants to grow plants - always plants.

She said she's never been in love before, and lately, she's been so happy . "

"Then the Hunt came," he grumbled.

I nodded in agreement, even though that wasn't where I'd been going. "Yeah, they did. And I guess I fucked that up, but I am trying. I just wasn't meant to have magic, you know?"

"Rain..." Jack mumbled.

I flicked a warning look at him. He quickly tucked his beak under a wing like he was going to sleep, but one eye was open and on me.

Torian saw the entire exchange and chuckled. "You know how they say I'm a monster?" he asked.

"You're fae," I countered.

He shrugged. "Two things can be true at once, Rain.

That's how the fae lie." He chuckled at that.

"And I am a monster. I have to be one. My sister is so fucking nice, and they are still hunting her.

Harper..." He growled, proving he was still pissed about that.

"And she's not the worst thing out there.

That's the part you don't get. And you're worried about some cake and ice cream? "

"I'm worried about her mental health," I said.

"I'm worried about her only having one person in her life who will never leave her.

I know what it feels like to realize you suddenly have a family, ok?

I got Liam and Bracken. Aspen? She has you, but you're not all.

Both of you have us. Me, Wilder , Hawke, and Keir.

Maybe we fight, and no, we won't always agree, but that doesn't mean we have to pull each other apart.

It's ok to disagree, and I've been trying so hard to ignore the things you can't say.

I try to tell myself it's nothing personal, but how would you feel, Torian?

If I kept saying it was a secret, but I don't trust you enough to share it, how long would you put up with that shit? "

"I wouldn't," he mumbled, sounding almost like he hoped I wouldn't hear.

"But I've told myself it was ok. And when the Huntsman grabbed her and you needed her, I said it was fine.

I waited, and I was patient, and I tried so fucking hard not to push into your business, but there's one thing you can't seem to understand.

" I paused to pull in a breath, bracing for the worst. "I'm in love with her. "

He glanced down and actually chuckled. "I know."

"She told you?"

He shrugged, then slowly looked up again.

For a long time, his eyes held mine, and then he flicked his hand.

Vivid green washed around the walls of the room, sinking into the strange substance which looked like plaster and roots.

I twisted, unsure what spell he'd just cast, but Torian simply crossed his arms and leaned back.

"She's in my head."

"What?" He had my full attention with those words. "You're obsessed with her?"

He chuckled at that. "Not that way, Rain.

Those words are literal." He slowly licked his lips, then leaned forward to tap his finger against the table.

"I remember the Winter gardens. Nothing clear, but vague, childish glimpses of the plants passing by as she was carried.

I remember the trip to Earth. The tunnel that leads to the gate, and the screams of her guardian as the door slammed closed behind them.

That's how I knew how to get here, but following a child's confused memory? Not easy. I needed help."

"Torian, what are you saying?" I asked.

So he tapped the side of his skull. "She is in my head, Rain.

Growing up, we'd reach out for each other, mentally.

Looking through each other's eyes, hearing through each other's ears, and listening to each other's thoughts.

When I was scared, she'd calm me. When she was lost, I'd give her something to hold on to.

Sometimes, we'd go weeks without connecting, but then a strong emotion, or a bit of loneliness, would slam us back together. "

"Like, mind speech?" I asked, making sure I was keeping up .

"More." He offered me a tentative smile. "But our link also allows us to do things we shouldn't be able to, like trade magic."

"Wait." I lifted a finger, begging him to let me get a question in. "So, what about when everyone gives it to me?"

"We just hit you with a conjuration," he admitted. "Aspen likes to use safe things, like protection from cuts, or increased strength. I sometimes hit you with curses that let me vent."

"Uh-huh." Because of course he did.

He laughed once, making it clear he could see my thoughts on my face.

"But the problem? When the Huntsman grabbed her, you were the only chance she had.

That's why I came, because she called for me, and when she blew through all her magic, I took her hand and gave her more through our link.

Then you used up all of that, so I pulled more.

I pulled from the world. I burned everything I had, lighting up our mental connection, and…

" He paused, glancing over at the wall. "Something went wrong. "

"What did?" I asked.