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Chapter Forty-Four

RAIN

O ver the next few days, things were nice.

Easy, even. The jesters stopped taunting Torian about being a jevadu - at least to his face.

Yeah, I still heard people talking about it, but the conversation had shifted a little.

Now, they were wondering if he'd strip someone else - since he'd already exposed what he was – and saying they weren't willing to be the one without power.

Because it seemed to the fae, more magic meant more power. Not just the power to cast spells, but also socially - and the social kind was what they longed for most. That had to be what Hawke had thought I was after when he'd mentioned it, but he was wrong.

I didn't want his power - or anyone else's.

I wanted my own. Unfortunately, the first step to that was passing my classes, and I had a math test coming up fast. I tried to study for it, but with all the excitement, I wasn't doing well.

Worse, when I tried to work on the problems, I never seemed to be able to get the right answer.

Clearly, I'd complained about it a little too much, because on Thursday evening, there was a rap at my door. I opened it to find Hawke standing there with my math book on his tablet. He was holding it towards me like a shield.

"I came for our tutoring session," he explained, sounding a little worried about my reaction.

Yeah, and he'd better, because while Torian hadn't been getting shit, Hawke had vanished.

He wasn't staying late for my detention class.

Keir was, but he said it was now his detention too.

I'd assumed it was why Hawke was avoiding me, but when I'd told Keir what had happened, his only response had been to laugh.

So yeah, I was a little confused. Not pissed, but also not at all happy. Twice now, this guy had made me think he liked me, but the moment I kissed back, he got weird about it? Yeah, no. Not cool.

"What, decide I'm a horrible and terrifying monster or something?" I asked snidely, debating shutting the door in his face.

"Rain!" he begged just as I turned away. "I'm sorry, ok?"

My breath fell out, my shoulders slumped, and I paused. Yeah, ok. Aspen had been so excited when I'd told her about the kiss. She'd squealed with delight, tackled me onto the bed, and demanded I explain everything - between the kisses she'd smothered me with.

And now, here he was.

The problem was I did like Hawke. I liked Keir too. I definitely liked Aspen, and that word no longer felt like enough for this thing she and I were doing, but Hawke? I turned, looking him over for some sign he was playing me, and found nothing.

The guy was tall, but most fae were. Unlike them, his features were sharp and stark.

Wilder, by comparison, was almost girly-looking, the sort of beauty that was a little androgynous.

Torian was all guy, but in the underwear model sort of way.

"Pretty" was the best word I had for the standard fae look, and even Keir had it.

Not Hawke.

He was sexy, but beautiful wasn't the word I'd use.

Definitely not "pretty!" Still, all fae looked so much better than humans, which was why they had a reputation for their looks.

After being here for most of a semester, I liked to think I was immune to it - but that was a lie.

Having so many hotties around, and more than one actually liked me?

For some reason, that only made it hurt more when Hawke had run the way he had.

"Look," I said. "I thought I was helping the other day. Clearly I screwed something up, and I'm sorry." I clenched my eyes and groaned. "Don't tell me 'sorry' is as bad as thanking someone?"

One corner of his lip lifted. "No, it's not. I mean, it's not great, and it's usually seen as a sign of weakness back on Faerie, but it's not the same."

"Gotcha." I turned for my bed - where I had my math book. "And yes, I do need help. "

"I heard you have a test - " He stopped hard when the bathroom door jerked open.

Aspen's head peeked out. "Tor said you were headed over. Thought that was you." She looked at him and winked.

My head jumped from one to the other. "Did I miss something?"

"Aspen..." Hawke warned.

She flashed me a smile. "Someone's a dumb - "

"Out!" Hawke growled, pointing deeper into the bathroom. "Rain needs to study. I need to help her, and you are currently in the way. So if you want me to do this..."

Like some kind of manic pixie, Aspen giggled, spun, and fucking skipped into the bathroom, leaving the door open behind her. "I need help with math too, you know."

Oh yeah, she was giving him shit. Damn, I loved her when she was like this. Wait. Did I really just think that? Fuck!

Yet before I could send myself into a full-on panic, Hawke twisted his wrist and deep, verdant green ran around the edge of Aspen's door.

From where I was standing, I had a clear view of the gate opening.

The color raced around the edges of the entire thing, leaving lighter, almost emerald trails in its wake.

Once the entire thing was lit, it flashed brightly - in silver? - then turned invisible.

Aspen looked back, aware she couldn't walk into her room without passing through it. "Hawke?"

"Just go with it," he told her.

Which made her smile. "Yep, I can take a hint," she assured him. Next, her eyes turned to me. "Close the door if you're going to make out." And then she took one more step and was gone.

"Court," Jack grumbled, waking up long enough to shake his head before tucking it back under his wing.

"I definitely missed something," I said, mostly to myself.

"I'm trying to explain!" Hawke snapped, but then he stopped, twitching like he wanted to take that back. Letting out a heavy sigh, he corrected to, "I'm trying to apologize, Rain, and I don't have a lot of experience with it."

"For kissing me and running?" I asked.

"Yeah..." He set his tablet on my desk, took one step towards me, then paused.

"Jack started yelling at me, and I realized what I'd done.

" He grunted and shoved a hand into his hair proving this really was hard for him.

"Rain, I should've asked. Consent, right?

Keir told me it's the right way to do it.

I need to ask, let you answer, and then accept the outcome.

And Aspen said I don't have to exactly ask.

More give you the chance to say no, but I thought maybe you thought you had to, so, um. .."

"So what?" I wanted to know, hanging on his words.

"I fucked it up!" he groaned. "Fuck! I've been trying so hard not to be noticed and now - " Again, he stopped, but this time his eyes jumped up to check on me.

"Hawke?" I asked carefully. "What's going on?"

"Just..." He licked his lips quickly. "Are you mad at me, Rain?"

"Disappointed," I clarified. "Mad's too strong of a word, but you fucking kissed me! I was trying to be a friend, and then you kissed me - and then you made me feel like I'd screwed it all up."

"You didn't screw it up," he breathed, crossing the distance between us just to reach out, pausing before he touched me.

"I did. I wanted to kiss you so badly, and then you kissed back, and I stopped thinking.

I just forgot everything! Torian was getting shit, Keir was trying to handle that - and Tor doesn't like him at all.

And Wilder's in the middle, but he's not going to shut Torian up, and there I was, kissing you.

Shit, I shoved you against a wall, and Jack said something, which was when I realized I hadn't asked, so - "

This time, I was the one making his rambling stop.

Taking one last step between us, I grabbed both sides of his head, pulling him down, and kissed him again.

Hawke's hands jerked out to his sides and hung there for one single heartbeat before he wrapped them around my back, crushing me against his chest as he kissed back.

And kiss he did! Damn, this boy wasn't gentle at all.

His mouth started with mine, then wandered.

When his lips reached my neck, I tilted my chin, making room for him.

He nipped, sampling the skin along my pulse, then higher so he could flick his tongue across my earlobe.

From there, he kissed his way back down to my mouth.

I couldn't get enough of it. Oh, my panties were getting quite damp, but I was used to ignoring that.

Still, my dirty little mind had my hands sliding lower, across those flat muscles on his chest, across the ridges of his abs, and then back up, under his shirt.

My palms slid across his skin, making him clench, and I felt his lips curl against mine.

"Don't be bad," he breathed before kissing me again. "My willpower is low."

"Oh, I'm not screwing you," I assured him.

"Aspen first," he agreed, stealing another kiss. "Then Keir." His mouth wouldn't stop, and I liked the way he kept talking, kissing, and then talking again. "I'm patient, Rain. Or at least I'm going to be."

Those words were what made me pull back, desperate to see his face. "What?"

He groaned again, looking away. "I did it again, huh?"

"Yeah, kinda," I admitted. "Hawke, what is going on?"

"You're human." He said it like an answer.

So I made a circular motion, encouraging him to keep going. "And?"

"And you expect things to happen fast. Your entire lives are a hurry. Rain, I'm eighteen years old. I have centuries ahead of me. Time to make decisions, make mistakes, and then learn from them. I have no reason to think I'm going to miss out because you're figuring things out."

Ok, and now I was even more confused, so I took a step back. "What does that mean?"

He followed, refusing to let me run away.

"It means I'm fae. True fae, Rain. Not like Keir.

" He murmured as if that wasn't quite right.

"Keir's a pureblood, but he grew up here.

His thoughts are from a culture of immediacy.

Mine aren't. I learned it's always a long game.

I need to plan for the goal I want, not the quick gratification.

A little magic can get me that, but there's only so many options I can burn through before I have none left. "

"Not really clearing things up," I pointed out.

So he scrubbed his face. "I'm trying not to think with my dick."

"Gotcha." I caught his hand. "See how much easier that was?"

"And I do like you," he went on, ignoring my snark. "Rain, you make me nervous, and I'm not used to that."

"Me?"

He nodded. "You." Lifting his free hand, he cupped my face.

The one I was holding, he shifted so our fingers could lace together.

"When I saw you facing down the Huntsman, I decided I didn't want to ignore this.

I wanted to impress you, but you're hard to impress.

I can't use magic to do it, because yours is just as strong.

I can't use muscles, because Keir's already done that.

I can't make you laugh, because it's what Aspen does.

I'm trying not to walk all over my friends, but it's not working, so when you brought me up here, I screwed up.

I wasn't ready, so I..." He sighed. "Yeah. "

"Keir knows you kissed me," I warned him.

He actually chuckled. "Yeah, he kinda told me I should."

"So does Aspen."

"She told me to first."

The guy had his head tilted down, but his eyes were still on me. It made his lashes look so thick, and his eyes? Ok, I had a weakness for that warm brown color. Combined with the almost-smirk stuck on his lips? My pulse was already moving faster than normal. Now it was moving lower.

"But it's ok to like you, right?" I asked, just needing him to reassure me. "I mean, I don't want to be the girl who leads people on."

"Do you like me?" he asked.

Biting my lower lip, I nodded. It was small, more of a slightly-embarrassed jiggle than anything. "Yeah, but it seems I like lots of people."

"Aspen," he said like he agreed. "Keir?"

"Maybe."

That made him wince. "Oh, that's clearly not a maybe."

"Ok, yes!" I relented.

"And Wilder?"

I kinda shrugged. "I don't really know him, but rumor has it the two of you are a thing."

"We are," Hawke told me. "We've been a thing for about a year now, but it's complicated." And he lifted a hand. "Because of those things we can't talk about, which includes but is not limited to courts, loyalties, crowns, magic, and expectations."

My eyes narrowed. "You're hiding something."

"I am," he admitted. "And it's the sort of thing that could make you hate me, but all signs are pointing to you not caring. Um, we've kinda been hinting around it."

"Who's we?"

"Me, Torian, and Aspen, mostly."

"And I don't seem to care?" I asked.

"No," He said. "You said something about not giving a shit. There was also a whole thing about your own magic. Jack kinda seals the deal."

"Rain-Morrigan," Jack mumbled sleepily.

Which made Hawke grin. "See? I can't tell you, but I was trying to do the right thing.

I don't want to be a dick, Rain, but I do want to kiss you.

I want to flirt and not feel like I'm going to get shot down or laughed at.

" He breathed out a little laugh. "And I've kinda been rambling on about you with Keir.

You know, both of us crushing on the same girl. "

"Ok, so what is this?" I asked, gesturing around us.

"This," he said, "is a guy trying to suck up, see if it's out of line, and make up for it by teaching a beautiful girl how to do advanced math.

It could very well be a slightly nervous guy trying to figure out if being a flirt is going to annoy the hell out of you, or if kissing goes well with learning. "

My fingers tightened around his, drawing him closer. "I learn best when getting kissed. Just know that I'll get nervous if Aspen or Keir are around. See, I'm really trying to embrace this new fae lifestyle I find myself immersed in."

"Oh, but the fae do it better," he said softly, leaning in.

I just lifted my chin. "Yeah, you really do."

This time, our lips met in the middle.