Page 5

I smile and take the burrito. Lyndsay has always been like this, I would call her bossy but she’s really not.

She’s just honest and opinionated. She’s determined to make sure that everyone has everything they need and that’s what makes her such a great nurse and mother.

After Harlyn was killed I could have fallen back into old habits and if it hadn’t been for her and the fact that Axell and I were raising Jovi, I probably would have.

When I had first moved here all I knew was my cousin Harlyn and my brother Seth.

Seth worked graveyards down at the docks and after work he’d go surfing for a few hours in the morning.

I’d only get to see him a couple of hours after school.

I became really close to Harlyn and her best friend at the time, Lyndsay, we became the female version of the three musketeers. The Charlie’s Angels if you will.

Then Harlyn got killed and life took a tailspin.

I did the one thing you aren’t supposed to do when that happens.

I kept trying to correct it and every time I did it got harder and messier.

Finally, I realized that I couldn’t fix it for everyone.

I couldn’t tell them how to grieve. I couldn’t tell them how to feel.

I had to sit down and watch everyone handle it in their own way, and I had to figure my way out.

Harlyn and Seth were the only two that knew me, like truly knew me.

When she died so did that part of me because I knew there was no way in hell that Seth would ever say anything about that girl to anyone?

He’d take her to the grave. Without Harlyn reminding me of the girl from South Carolina I fell deeper and deeper into the lie of who I was.

“Eat!” Lyndsay demands, using her mom voice. I laugh then take a bite of the burrito to appease her. Lyndsay hasn’t changed much since I first met her. Her medium length brown hair is pulled back into a ponytail. She is a queen when it comes to makeup and I hardly ever see her without it.

We finish the rest of our breakfast in silence then make our way back up to the rehab center where we work.

I love my job. Spirit rehab facility deals with a range of patients, all separated by floors.

We have patients that are dealing with substance abuse, mental illness and eating disorders.

It’s really fulfilling when you get to see your patients getting well and then move on.

I’ve seen a handful of my former patients around town and it’s always heartwarming to see them healthy and still living life.

It makes my job worthwhile. Of course, not all of them stay healthy and for those ones that we lose, it’s hard to take but at the end of the day, I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

The other great thing about my job is that it demands all my attention.

Whenever I’m at work I’m fully here. I have no down time to think about myself or my life.

No outside situation is more important than my patients and what they are going through.

Work is my distraction and it’s the best one I’ve found.

****

It was such a long day at work. All I really want is to soak in a hot bath, eat some pasta and watch some horrible TV.

As I pull into the driveway, I see Jovi’s car but not Axell’s yet.

I make my way inside and the house is quiet except for the music coming from Jovi’s room.

I stop by and see him sitting over an open book. “Hey buddy.”

“Hey mom,” he says with a smile on his face. Jovi started referring to me as mom shortly after his biological mother passed away. It shocked me at first, but over the years it has become normal. “How was work?”

“Long, speaking of work, why aren’t you at work?” I ask him.

“I have a big test tomorrow, so dad sent me home to study for it,” Jovi says while studying his book.

His hair keeps falling over his eyes and I have to resist the urge to reach out and move it.

If I had it my way, he’d get a haircut, but he’s at that age now where he wants to make his own decisions. “Are you and dad okay?”

I hear the concern in his voice and it breaks my heart that he’s even worrying about this.

“Yeah, we’re fine. Just some silly argument, nothing big,” I tell him.

I still remember when Jovi asked if he could call us mom and dad.

It was bittersweet. I was so happy that he could see me as his mother but also incredibly sad that he never got to know the amazing women that was his actual mother.

“I’m going to soak in the bath for a bit then I’ll fix dinner. ” He nods, and I leave him to study.

I start to run some hot water and drop in a lavender bath bomb, it claims it helps achy muscles and it’s supposed to be relaxing. I turn on the iPod and scroll until I find Lewis Capaldi on my playlist. The hot water makes my skin tingle, but it feels so good. I lay my head back and close my eyes.

A few years ago, Axell had surprised me with a weekend getaway for our anniversary. When we returned, I was surprised to find that the getaway was only part of the present. Axell had an extra-large soaking tub added into our master bathroom since it was number one on my wish list.

I’m so relaxed that I don’t hear him, but I smell the food.

I open my eyes and see Axell standing there in all his glory.

Even from here I can see the longing in his eyes and I hate that I’ve pushed him away.

Axell is a strong man, probably the strongest I know, but even if he won’t admit it, he also has a need to be needed.

I’m not giving him that. His deep red t-shirt hugs his biceps and chest. His tattoo peeks out from under the sleeve.

His dark denim jeans hang low on his hips, hugging him in all the right places.

I feel my heart rate start to pick up and I let out a shuddering breath.

“I come with a peace offering. I got your favorite, fettuccini alfredo with cheesy breadsticks.” A small smile comes over his face.

I smile back at him as my heart beats wildly in my chest. “I’m sorry about the other night.”

Axell shakes his head while placing the plate on the bathroom counter.

He approaches me and kneels down. “No, you don’t owe me an apology.

” If he only knew how wrong, he was. I owe him more than an apology.

“I know how you feel about racing. It is dangerous I was just trying to think of a way to get the money back for Jovi’s college fund quickly.

You know when dad got sick, we had to dip into it and I hated doing that, but we had no other choice.

He’s got plenty for the first two years of college, so we’ll just figure something out by that time. ”

I reach out and stroke his cheek. “He’s smart, he’ll get some scholarships and we’ll figure it out, we always do.”

He turns his head and kisses my palm. “I know we will. I love you Sade.”

“I love you, too,” I say while he leans down and kisses me. “Why don’t you join me?” I tell him with a wink. He smiles against my lips.

“My pleasure, Mrs. James,” he replies with a wicked grin crossing his face. That grin has always sent shivers down my spine and I don’t think that’ll ever change.