Page 28

Sadie

I went to bed feeling okay. I mean my stomach was still a little weird, but I felt great other than that.

Then I woke up at four in the morning violently throwing up everything in my stomach.

This continued off and on for a couple of hours, up until the point that I had nothing left but even then, I dry heaved like a maniac.

Drake came in to check on me. I could see the worry on his face.

I told him it was just something I ate last night, and I hoped that was true.

At this point I was starting to worry for myself. I hardly ever get sick.

I fell back asleep just before seven. At around nine in the morning the smell of bacon sent me back to the restroom.

Drake apologized profusely but it wasn’t his fault my stomach was messed up.

He offered to stay home from work, but I insisted on him leaving.

I didn’t do well with people hovering over me.

I was used to being the one to take care of everyone, not the other way around.

I did better if I handle things on my own.

After Drake headed to work, I got up and made it to my mom’s room.

We had moved the TV from the den area into her room, so she could watch the soap operas.

I took a seat in the chair next to her bed.

I didn’t want to get her sick, so I tried to keep my distance.

We sat for hours watching the show before I finally decided to fix us a small salad for lunch.

My mother’s nurse stopped in after that.

I was checking on the garden when Drake pulled back into the driveway. I didn’t realize it had already been that long. “I must have lost track of time.”

Drake shakes his head. “No, you really didn’t. I worked a short shift today, only four hours. How are you feeling?”

I nod. “I’m okay. How was work?”

“It was good. Did you eat anything?” he asks.

“Yes, I ate a small salad earlier and it’s managed to stay down so maybe the worst of it is gone,” I tell him.

“Good. How is she?” he asks while stuffing his hand in his pockets.

I shrug. “About the same, she ate some of her salad and we watched soap operas.”

He laughs. “Of course.”

Drake turns to head into the house, but I stop him deciding that now is as good of time as any to have this discussion. “Drake?” He turns around and the sound of his name. “Can we talk?” I ask.

“Sure,” he replies.

I walk up to the steps on the porch and take a seat.

Drake takes a seat next to me. I take a deep breath to calm my sudden nerves.

“Drake, I know you aren’t na?ve, and I know that you understand what is going on here.

Shelly has been your mom all of these years and I don’t imagine this has been easy on you and I’m sorry for that.

I also don’t want to make this harder on you than it already has been, but we have to talk about the future.

” I pause to see if Drake has anything to say but he only nods.

“I know that you and I don’t really have a relationship and that’s my fault.

I can never make you understand how sorry I am for that.

I often wish that my situation had been different, but it wasn’t.

I hope you can understand that it was never because I didn’t want you or didn’t’ want to be a part of your life.

I just couldn’t get myself in the right place.

The way things went down with your father messed with my mental state.

Shelly was the best answer for you and I don’t regret that decision.

Your life would have been no good if I had tried to keep you and never got the help I needed at the time. ”

Drake clears his throat, so I stop again. “I understand that part, but I don’t get why you didn’t come back for me.”

“I did,” I reply.

Drake swings his head toward me with questions in his eyes. “You did?”

I nod. “Yes, I came back for you after I graduated nursing college. I could finally be the mother you deserved both mentally and financially.”

“Then what happened?” he asks.

“Well,” I tell him with a sigh, “I came back here, and I talked to my mother and I saw your room. We went to the school and sat outside in the car while you were at recess. I saw pictures that you had drawn and colored. I saw your report card and your teacher’s notes about how great you were doing.

It felt selfish of me to take you from all of that.

I hated leaving you but at the time it seemed like the right decision.

I didn’t think it was fair to uproot your entire life because I hadn’t been able to get myself together from the beginning.

Also, my mother has a great way of talking me into things.

She made it clear she didn’t think it was in your best interest at that time and that she would fight me for you.

I really didn’t want to drag you through court and who really wants to take their mother to court?

” Drake nods. “I know I’ve missed everything but we’re all we have left aside from your grandfather and uncle back in L.A.

and I can’t stay here. I have a job and husband back there too.

I know it will be a big adjustment and I’m asking a lot of you but Axell and I would really love it if you would come live with us. ”

“Really?” Drake asks after a few minutes of silence.

I nod. “Of course. Regardless of the circumstances Drake, you are my son. We’d love to have you, but I know Aynor is all you’ve ever known, and this place is very small. L.A. is going to be culture shock for you, but I think you’ll adjust and maybe, even like it once you got used to it.”

Drake stares out over the yard and I can’t even begin to imagine what he’s feeling right now.

My life took a change, but I had never had this kind of stability growing up.

I had never just had one place to call home until I met Axell.

My mother moved us around, a lot but I’m glad she didn’t with Drake.

I’m glad he got this kind of home and stability.

A part of me hates to take that away from him.

Finally, Drake lifts his head to meet my eyes.

“I’ll come with you. I’ll give it a try. ”

Tears prick at my eyes and before I realize it I reach out and hug Drake.

I tell him to go on in and spend some time with my mother and he does.

I pull my phone out of my pocket and check it, again.

I still haven’t heard from Axell all day.

I really thought we’d start talking more after last night but maybe he needs some more time.

****

I’m sound asleep when the sound of my phone vibrating on the nightstand wakes me up.

Pulling toward my face I squint against the bright light.

I don’t know who would be calling me at this time of night.

To my surprise Jagger’s name is on my screen.

I slide my finger over the phone to answer it. “Hello.”

“Sadie?” Jagger asks.

“Yeah, is everything okay?” I ask but I already know it’s not. I feel it in the pit of my stomach, that old friend of mine called dread.

Jagger clears his throat. “Well, actually no. Axell’s in the hospital in ICU.”

“What?” I screech out probably waking the whole damn house.

I hear Jagger sigh. “I’m sorry I didn’t want to tell you this way. There was a wreck.”

“Why? Where was he going?” I manage to ask.

“I don’t know for sure but from what we can piece together to you. He had booked a flight about a couple of hours before. He was speeding but I think it was just to make it on time for the flight,” Jagger explains.

Tears stream down my face like a damn breaking that holds back the river.

My heart is dying slowly but surely and all I can think about in this moment is Axell.

Drake is standing in my doorway with a look of confusion.

Somewhere in my mind I know I should try to keep it together for him, but I just can’t.

It’s funny how I was just thinking about the changes in his life a few hours ago and now it’s my life that has just been turned upside down.

The next morning, I wake up to the sound of the doorbell ringing.

I guess at some point I managed to cry myself to sleep.

Looking over my shoulder I see that all three of us, my mother, Drake, and I, are all in her bed.

The doorbell rings again and I get up to answer the door when the world tilts.

My head is pounding and my stomach beings to roll.

I rush toward the bathroom. Drake rushes past the bathroom door on his way to answer the front door.

With my head in the toilet the events of last night start to come back to me.

My heart beats erratically at the thought of Axell in ICU.

It just seems so unreal. I want to go to him but at the same time I can’t leave my mother and Drake.

Just like some unanswered prayer I see a familiar face appear in the doorway of the bathroom out of the corner of my eye. As soon as he realizes how sick I am he rushes to my side. “Sade, are you okay?”

Seth’s voice creates a calm in me. Once I’m finished, I flush the toilet and collapse against the wall behind me. “What are you doing here?” I ask him, my voice weak and hoarse from the all the crying and vomiting.

Seth stands up and grabs the cup sitting on the bathroom counter. Filling it with water he hands it to me. Seth shrugs “I heard about Axell and I knew you would want to be there but wouldn’t want to leave Shelly and Drake here alone with everything. I knew you’d have to pick.”

“So?”