Page 23

Axell

I speed away.

Away from the shop.

Away from Jagger.

Away from life.

Away from everything.

I push down on the accelerator and the car jolts forward and I feel some of the tension ease from my body.

Before I know it, I’m doing fifty miles per hour.

Seventy miles per hour. Ninety miles per hour.

I maneuver in and out of traffic. Horns blast around me, the air whips against my face.

The music can barely be heard over all the noise.

I drive until my muscles start to ache. Finally, they attempt to relax a little.

I pull over on the side of the road and try to replay the events in my mind.

I try to figure out how everything changed so quickly.

I thought that I was handling everything pretty well.

I didn’t feel angry. I was trying to understand but then I slipped.

I lost control and I hit Jagger. No, I hit my brother.

I rest my head against the steering wheel as the shame fills me.

I was supposed to always protect my brothers, that was my promise to my mother.

A promise that was just broken. My life is spiraling out of control and I don’t know how to stop it.

Normally, when I feel like this I go to Sadie.

I confide in her and she finds the right words to comfort me.

Not now, she’s not here and even if she was, I don’t know if I can trust her now.

How can you not trust someone but need them at the same time?

It’s a contradiction. I’ve become a walking contradiction of emotions.

I’m lost and my only light to guide me back home is gone.

I do the only thing I know to do right now.

I text Bowie and tell him to take care of Jovi and the shop.

I turn my phone off and pull back on to the road.

I’m no good for anyone at this point. I need to figure my shit out so leaving is the only option.

Maybe, I’ll be back at some point. Maybe, Sadie and I will figure it all out.

Maybe, we won’t. I don’t know. So, I drive.