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“My mom and Dale were livid. They worried something like this would happen. My mom and Dale sat in my room the next morning while they thought I was asleep and discussed moving to get me away from Josh. At that point I wanted nothing else to do with him, but we lived in a small town and he’d be impossible to escape.

When I really woke up, we made a decision to move.

Dale had lived in South Carolina before, so it seemed like the perfect place.

The day I was released from the hospital was the day we left.

Everything was already packed up and, in the vehicles, when the nurse wheeled me out of the hospital.

Josh was still in jail, but I wasn’t pressing charges, so he’d be released soon.

I just wanted to move past this part of my life,” I tell Axell.

Axell clears his throat. “Can I ask something?” I nod in response, terrified of his question. “Why didn’t you press charges?”

“I thought about it. My mom, Dale, and I discussed it but if I pressed charges then there’d be a court date and I’d have to go back. I just wanted to move on, so I didn’t press charges. I left town before he was released and never looked back.”

“And the baby?”

I sigh. “The doctor told me every chance he got just how lucky I was to be alive. We told Josh’s parents that I lost the baby.

That’s why I couldn’t go back. I couldn’t let him be around the baby.

It was my job to protect it now. The baby had fought to live, and I had to give it a chance.

Josh never wanted the baby anyways. I had the baby and luckily, he was healthy.

Problem was…I wasn’t. I was already depressed and having him sent me into postpartum.

I tried to be a mom for a couple of months, but it became pretty clear that I couldn’t do it.

My mental state just wasn’t there. So, I signed my rights over to my mom and I went into a rehab facility to help me with my depression.

That’s where I figured out, I wanted to be a nurse.

When I was released my mom already had my stuff packed up and a plane ticket ready.

She sent me here to live with my dad. At first, I argued, but she had already made up her mind. ”

“Then I got here and got to be around Seth and that made things seem easier. I had planned on going back after graduation, but I met you and I fell in love. It was all so different from what I’d went through with Josh.

What we had was real and for the first time in a couple of years I was happy, but it was a lie.

Time kept passing and before long I started to believe the lie.

My dad and Seth were the only ones who knew.

They weren’t going to say anything, so the lie became my life and the truth got buried but now Dale is gone, and my mom is dying, and Drake is just there.

I have to go but I had to tell you first. It’s been eating at me since I first found out about my mom. ”

Axell rubs his hands over his face before standing and walking a little way away from me.

The distance hurts but I know him well enough to know he needs time to process all of this.

He begins to pace back and forth. Finally, after what seems like an eternity he stops and turns around to face me.

The look of betrayal is like a dagger to my heart.

The hurt is clear as day and I’m the one that caused it.

I put that look on his face. “Why didn’t you just tell me? ”

I squeeze my eyes shut and look away. All of my answers seem useless at this point because none of them were good enough reasons to not tell him. “I don’t know,” I whisper.

“You’re kidding right?” he asks, his voice harsher than before.

I stand up, but I don’t move toward him.

“What do you want me to say? That I’m sorry?

I’m sorry Axell. I really am, and I know you probably don’t believe me, but I never meant to hurt you.

I never meant to lie to you. I was trying to protect Drake in the beginning.

Then I wanted to be able to give him the life he deserved and by the time I could my mom wouldn’t sign the rights back over to me.

I was stuck Axell. I was a dumb girl who fell for the wrong guy and ended up in a situation I never thought I would.

I didn’t know how to fix it and I was terrified of this,” I tell him motioning between us, “I was terrified of losing you and everything we have.”

“Everything we have is a lie!” he yells into the night.

I flinch at his words. “No! What we have is real. I just made a mistake, but I never lied when I said I loved you.”

I watch as his head falls back, his hands in his pockets.

I want to reach out and touch him. I want to fix the hurt I just caused.

I want to go back in time and tell him the truth from the moment he told me about his mom, but I can’t.

I can’t go back. I can’t fix this. I can only hope he forgives me at some point. “I wish it was that easy.”

“Why can’t it be?” I ask him.

He stares at me for a moment and I see the war waging within him.

The way he’s looking at me is killing me.

It’s like he’s trying to figure out who I am while saying goodbye.

My heart slams around in my chest. “You were supposed to be able to trust me. I was supposed to protect you and that meant Drake too, but I didn’t get to because I didn’t know.

I didn’t know because somewhere in you there was doubt.

You doubted that you could trust me and without trust we have nothing.

Love is not enough. Love and trust go hand in hand,” Axell says it so quietly that I strain to hear his words against the crashing of the waves.

He approaches me and holds out the keys to his car.

“I’ll stay with Bowie tonight.” Axell turns around and walks back toward the house while I sink onto the steps, keys in hand and cry out every last tear I have at the moment.