Page 15

I laugh. “Just taking it all in. Trying to appreciate it all.”

“Okay, that’s not creepy at all,” Jagger replies with a laugh.

I nudge his shoulder. “Shut the hell up and look around.” Jagger takes a moment and observes the table.

“Did you ever think we’d see a day when we are happy at the same time?

I mean come on Bowie is married to Hollis and has a little girl.

Ace is actually getting married. Jovi is graduating high school and you,” I say while squeezing his shoulder, “Are married and have a baby boy. I never thought this would all happen.”

Jagger nods his head slowly, allowing my words to sink in. “You know what? You’re right, I never really thought it would either.”

After lunch we all head to the old-fashioned barber shop.

Our dad came here for as long as I can remember, and we’ve followed in his footsteps.

We each got our first haircuts in this place by Billy.

When we enter, he turns around to greet us then he realizes who we are.

“The James brothers! Well, it’s been a while since I’ve seen some of you.

What can I do for you guys once I finish up here? ”

“Well, I’m getting married in a few hours and I want to look my best, so I need you to fix me up,” Ace tells him.

Billy stops and pulls Ace in for a quick hug. “Well, congratulations my boy! I’ll get you all set in a few. What about the rest of you?”

Jagger and Bowie both tell him they need to be cleaned up. Jovi tells Billy he’ll go after them and I figure I might as well since I’m here. We all leave with fresh haircuts and Ace riding high on cloud ten. We head over to Jagger’s to get ready for the wedding.

Once I’m dressed in my black slacks and red button down shirt, I decide to text Sadie.

Axell : I can’t wait to see you.

Sadie : Haha oh really now?

Axell : Yes ;) I know how good you look in red.

Sadie : So, you say.

Sadie : By the way I changed my hair today.

Axell : What? You too?

Sadie : Yes. It’s golden brown now. Did you change your hair?

Axell : No but Jovi got rid of all of his.

Sadie : No way! I never thought I’d see the day.

Axell : Right. He actually looks a lot like Jagger under the mop.

Sadie : Lol! Who knew?

Sadie : I have to finish getting ready. See you at the wedding.

Axell : See you there beautiful ;)

I put my phone in my pocket while we wait to head to the beach. Ace and Kynlee insisted on a beach wedding. I guess it holds something special for them. Ace comes out and hands me a white rose to pin to the pocket of my shirt. I look at him.

“Kynlee’s request.”

I laugh and take the rose. He’s so whipped.

****

Sadie

As I’m driving to the spa where I’m meeting up with Kynlee and the rest of the bridesmaids, I can’t shake the feeling of overwhelming guilt.

In less that twenty-four hours my entire life can change and as a result so can Axell’s.

I should have told him years ago, but I didn’t.

Now, every time that I try, I stop because I’m a coward.

I never thought of myself as a coward. I actually thought I was strong and independent. In a lot of situations, I am that girl, but when it comes to telling Axell the truth about my past and the girl I used to be…well, I chicken out making me a coward.

Truth be told I’ve loved Axell so much for so long that the thought of losing him, of losing his love is downright terrifying.

He’s been such a huge part of my life and soul that I don’t know what I’ll do if he can’t get past it all.

In all honesty, I never deserved Axell James’ love.

I was never worthy of the way he looked at me or the pedestal he placed me on.

I wanted to be, but I wasn’t. I couldn’t be.

My past was too tarnished. My soul had smudges of mud that would never come off just like the permanent grease stains on Axell’s clothes.

When I came to L.A. I had sworn off boys and the idea of love was completely foreign to me.

I was in a depression of sorts. Axell saved me.

He always says I saved him but he’s wrong.

He came into my life and brought the light back to me.

I was in the dark before him. From that moment on I wanted to be the girl he deserved, the girl who deserved that look of all-consuming love and trust. I’ve tried hard but I’m about to drop a nuclear bomb on everything we’ve built, and I can’t help but be pulled down from the soul eating guilt and regret.

Without Axell I’ll never be the same Sadie. This Sadie will cease to exist.

I pull into the parking lot of the spa and try to take a few deep breaths to calm my war of emotions. Eventually, the tears threatening the back of my eyes, calm down and I move towards the door. Today is for Ace and Kynlee, I remind myself.

As I walk into the spa, I spot our group.

We’re all meeting here for manicures, pedicures and massages before having lunch then get ready for the wedding.

Hollis spots me and waves me over, I join them.

I plaster on my smile and try to absorb some of Kynlee’s excitement.

A lady appears from behind a door to escort us to the area where we will start with massages.

As we’re walking down the hallway Hollis leans over, “Are you okay?” Hollis was always the most observant and I had considered her one of my closest friends back in the day.

It’s clear she still knows me pretty well.

“Yeah, just a little tired,” I comment.

Hollis smiles and raises her eyebrows. “Long night?”

I laugh at her suggestion but decide to go along with it. “Yeah, you know I leave first thing tomorrow, so I had to make up for all the time we’ll lose. “

“Girl, I don’t blame you,” she says with a laugh.

If only Hollis really knew what was bothering me.

I know I could tell her, but it just seems wrong to tell her before I tell Axell.

The massage therapist complains the whole time about how tight my muscles are.

With each complaint I grind my teeth. I’m beyond irritable at this point and I’m well aware that my body is wound up.

Eventually, the massage ends, and we move to our manicures and pedicures.

They bring us glasses of champagne and magazines to look at.

Kynlee has picked a red glittery color for our fingernails and toenails that will match the wedding.

Normally, I don’t do red but for her I will. It’s actually a pretty color too.

After finishing up at the spa we all head over to Ace and Kynlee’s place to get ready for the wedding.

The hair stylist will be there. When we pull up, I spot Kynlee’s hair stylist, Christy, easy enough with her soft pink hair and arms colorfully decorated with tattoos.

Beside Christy are two people I don’t know but I’m assuming they are Kynlee’s mom and sister, Brooke.

I know it means a lot to Kynlee to have them here, but I know her relationship with her mom is rocky at best and I hope that having her here doesn’t turn out to be an issue.

As we park and get out of the cars, I realize that Brooke looks a lot like Kynlee except taller.

Once we are close enough Kynlee introduces all of us to them.

Both girls definitely look like their mom.

They all share the same chocolate brown hair and brown eyes.

There is a little awkward tension between Kynlee and her mother, but Brooke seems to be trying to simmer it down with her constant chatter.

It’s hard to believe that just a few weeks ago she was in the hospital with a head injury.

I’m glad she’s feeling better and seems to know how to handle the tension filled air.

Londynn and I are chatting while waiting for our turn to get ready. Suddenly, she turns to me. “I think I want to cut my hair.”

“You do?” I ask. Her hair has gotten so long.

She nods. “There so much of it and it takes so much time to care for. It just got super long during my pregnancy thanks to all those vitamins. I liked it a little shorter.”

“Then cut it,” I encourage her. “I was actually thinking of dying mine,” I add.

“You should!” she exclaims. “What color?”

I shrug. “I’ve always changed my hair color, but I think I’d like to try a golden brown. It’s been one of my favorite colors I’ve had.”

“That’d be really pretty.” Christy appears and calls Londynn’s name. “Do you want Sadie first she’s thinking of changing hair color if you can?”

Christy pops the bubble gum in her mouth. “I brought color with me just in case. Come on Sadie.”

Christy gets as close to the color as I wanted that she could manage.

I’m sitting on the couch flipping through a magazine when my phone alerts me of a text.

I look at it and see it’s from Axell. Just seeing his name on my screen still gives me butterflies in my stomach.

Londynn comes out of the bathroom looking more like herself and a big smile on her face.

Christy motions back to me so I promise to meet Axell at the wedding, as if I’d be anywhere else.

Christy gives my hair a beautiful curled updo with a few strands framing my face.

I slip on the bohemian maxi style dress with the red heels Kynlee picked.

I’m not sure how we are going to walk in the sand in these, but I put them on anyways.

We’re all waiting for Kynlee when she appears looking like a Greek goddess.

Kynlee’s hair is all pulled up and cascading down her back in long curls.

There are red tiny jewels woven in throughout her hair.

She has a white lace crop top paired with a high waist flowing skirt.

The skirt hangs to the floor with a slit on one side going up to her mid-thigh.

It looks perfect for both Kynlee and this beach wedding.

She has on simple jewelry that add pops of red throughout.

“You guys all look so beautiful!” she exclaims as tears start to form in her eyes.

Christy swats her arm. “Don’t you dare mess up my masterpiece by crying.”

We all laugh at that then Kenndrix, Kylee’s best friend, steps forward. “We look like a whole bunch of nothing compared to you. Ace is going to go crazy!”

We disperse to head to the wedding and nervous jitters settle in my stomach not because of the wedding, but because the time to tell Axell is getting closer and closer.