Page 2

Axell

Jovi gives me his puppy dog eyes. “Another night on the couch?”

I shrug like it’s not a big deal. “Yeah, that damn bed is just so uncomfortable.” He shakes his head because he knows better, and I know that.

Why is it that we always try to lie to our kids when things are bad?

It’s really an insult when you think about it.

We try to sugar coat everything for them when really, they have already figured out the thing, we are trying to keep from them.

Jovi may not be my kid, but he is my responsibility, mine and Sadie’s.

At the thought of her I feel a pain shoot through my heart.

I wish I could say I’m shocked when I open the bedroom door and don’t see my wife, Sadie, in our bed, but I’m not.

It’s become the state of our relationship.

I sleep on the couch, Sadie sleeps in our bed then gets up early enough to sneak out of the house without me knowing.

We avoid each other, we walk on eggshells when we are around one another. It’s ridiculous.

We’ve been together almost fifteen years and the minute we got married a few months ago everything changed.

Everything became a mess that I don’t know how to fix and that’s an issue for me.

I’m a fixer, when something is wrong, I try to fix it.

I feel a need to fix everything for everyone.

I have to fix it but I don’t know how to fix this.

Sadie changed and now she wants different things then what we had agreed on.

I haven’t changed, I still want the same things.

Well, really, I only want one thing…Sadie.

I toss my pillow and blanket on the end of our king size bed that is already made for the day.

It’s like she was never there at all. As I enter the bathroom I can smell her.

The scent of honeysuckle fills my nose. She hasn’t been gone too long.

I can still feel the humidity from the shower in the tiny mint green bathroom.

I rest my hands on the sink and look at my reflection.

I’ll be thirty-two in a few months and this is not how I saw my life.

Noise from the hallway reminds me that I still have Jovi that I need to look out for, so I hop in the shower, not even giving it time to heat up.

After a quick shower and dressing for work, I head to the kitchen to make breakfast for the two of us. Jovi joins me and sets the table while I finish up cooking. We sit in silence until both of us are done. “Do you need money for gas?”

“No, I filled up last night,” Jovi replies.

I nod. “Good, how about your homework?”

A laugh escapes from him but it’s not a happy laugh, it’s a harsh laugh. “All done. You know mom already asked me all this last night. Maybe you two should try talking sometime. Just an idea,” he says, before turning around, grabbing his backpack, and heading for the door.

I know this situation is hard on him and I hate that.

Growing up we hardly ever saw our parents fight and to Jovi that’s what we are…

his parents. He was almost four when our mother passed away so his memories of her are vague at best. After she passed away our dad was just lost, drowning in the grief and unfortunately, that’s the only way Jovi knew him.

Sadie is the only mom Jovi really knows.

Our mom passed away just two months before my high school graduation.

Sadie and I had been together almost six months, but the way she stepped up was shocking.

She would come over before school to help with breakfast and make sure Ace got off to school okay.

Then as soon as school was out, she’d come back to our house until Ace and Jovi were in bed for the night.

I doubt it shocked anyone when I asked her to move in after graduation.

We’d been in this house ever since. My dad was gone now, and my brothers have all started their own lives.

It was just us and Jovi, but soon he’d be gone too, and I didn’t know what would become of Sadie and I then.

****

Sadie

The alarm on my phone started to go off. I don’t know why I even bother setting the damn thing. I’m awake hours before it goes off, hell I’m awake most of the night. I roll over and look at the empty side of the bed, his side of the bed, and I let the emptiness consume me. How did we get here?

Finally, I get out of bed and shower. Before I realize it the shower starts to turn cold, I hadn’t meant to stay in here so long.

On autopilot I get ready for work, slipping on a pair of purple scrubs, French braiding my strawberry blonde hair, applying a little mascara, and spraying on some of my honeysuckle body spray.

Grabbing my purse, I check to make sure my protein bar is tucked inside along with my cell phone and keys.

Quietly, I make my way to the kitchen and grab a bottle of water.

I stop with my hand on the front door, from the small hallway I can see Axell stretched out on the couch.

His feet hanging over the edge and his head in what has to be an uncomfortable position.

A pang of regret shoots through me. God, I miss him.

I allow myself to stand in the small hallway and drink him in.

His square jaw is covered in a dark five o’clock shadow which only makes his chiseled cheekbones stand out more.

He’s gotten a haircut recently because the sides are extremely close to his head and the top longer and slicked back.

He’s shirtless and even though I’ve seen his defined chest multiple times.

I’d be lying if I said it didn’t have some effect on me.

His half sleeve tattoo is on full display.

The black and gray waves that swirl from his collarbone down to his elbow with skulls added into the design.

Axell starts to mumble and I know him well enough to know that he is about to wake up.

I quickly slip out the door and make my way to my car.

My beautiful 1968 Pontiac GTO. It was black with a red racing stripe.

My tires matched with red rims. The beautiful car was a wedding present a few months ago.

It had always been my dream car, but I had refused to pay the money out for it.

When Axell had first given me the keys I tried to get him to take it back, but he refused.

With the way things are between us now I feel incredibly guilty that he pays the payment on it.

When I get into my car Guns n’ Roses come blaring over the speakers.

I groan and quickly scan for a different station.

Not only is Axell named after the band but it also happens to be his favorite band.

I can’t listen to them without wanting to cry.

Finally, I find a station playing one of my favorite artists, James Bay, I turn up the station and back out of the driveway.

As I make my way to Spirit Rehab where I’m a nurse, I roll my windows down.

The air is fresh with the smell of salt water coming from the ocean and early morning dew from the spring season fastly approaching.

The sky painted with baby pinks, purples, and blue as the sun works to rise up.

It’s beautiful. Sunrises were always my favorite time of the day. It was mine and Axell’s time.

As the traffic becomes thicker, I slow down to a snail’s pace and let my mind wander back to the first time I saw Axell.

I had just gotten back this afternoon and already Harlyn and her boyfriend, Jagger James, had convinced me to go to some bonfire beach party.

I was reluctant because I didn’t know anyone else here except for these two.

Technically, I didn’t even know Jagger until a few minutes ago but Harlyn convinced me.

So, here I am standing in my tiny bathroom as I work on some makeup.

I had decided to go casual in my denim cutoffs and simple v-neck t-shirt.

I left my dark hair down. I had dyed it before leaving South Carolina this week.

It had come out a lot darker than I had expected but oddly enough I liked it.

The darkness of it actually made my fair skin look like it had a glow and my baby blue eyes popped more.

I applied some mascara, blush, and lip gloss before deciding I was ready for this so-called party. As I stepped out of the bathroom Harlyn whistled at me and I blushed. “The guys are going to love you.”

I rolled my eyes because guys were the last thing I was supposed to be thinking about.

I had to uproot my whole life in South Carolina in my senior year of high school because of a guy.

My mom shipped me to live with my dad and brother Seth.

Guys weren’t even on my radar. “Guys are the last thing I’m worried about. ”

“Fair enough,” Harlyn replies as we make our way out to Jagger’s car.

That was always the great thing about Harlyn, she never pushed or pressured you about anything.

As we made our way to the beach I took in my surroundings.

It was a different kind of beautiful from South Carolina, but it was beautiful in its own way.

As we park, I’m shocked to see just how many people are already gathered on the otherwise deserted beach.

We settle in and it isn’t long before the one thing I promised myself to stay away from finds its way into my line of sight.

A tall surfer looking guy catches me staring at him and smiles while adding a wink in my direction.

I can feel myself blush which leads me to mentally cursing myself because the last thing I should be concerned about is a damn guy.

The guy finally makes his way over to me and introduces himself, Aaron.

He’s cute but I don’t feel anything beyond that, but Harlyn is busy with Jagger and his friends so I decide it couldn’t hurt to talk to Aaron.