Page 85 of Let the Game Begin (Kiss Me Like You Love Me #1)

Selene

People said makeup could work miracles, and in my case, it certainly did: concealer perfectly covered the bruise on my cheek.

It didn’t hurt anymore, but without the makeup, it was still highly visible on my light skin.

Jared was definitively out of my life after that terrible night, and I found myself having conflicting feelings about that: On one hand, I was relieved that I wouldn’t still feel the stress of knowing I needed to reject him.

On the other hand, it was shocking to discover that Jared had a violent side.

I never would have thought him capable of that.

It did make me feel freer, though, and less guilty. I felt less in the wrong, and now I was free to pursue this connection I had with Neil with no obstacles. Well, no obstacles except the single insurmountable one that was Neil himself and his complicated personality.

I didn’t think I would ever fully understand his mood swings or what caused him to have such sudden and frequently unreasonable reactions. One moment, he could be so passionate and sensual, like he’d been during our dice game in the pool house, and the next he turned angry and dangerous.

Sometimes, he could talk to me and be communicative, while other times he turned in on himself and got lost in his own thoughts, like he was living in a world of his own.

I sighed and shut the book I was reading, stretching out my numbed muscles.

I was sitting cross-legged on my bed, bored and obsessing over Neil.

I’d studied all afternoon before taking a shower and putting on my tiger-print pajamas.

I smiled as I remembered the first time Neil had seen me in them, when he made it clear that he hated them and they would never be able to “get a man hard.”

It felt like such a long time since that night.

Two knocks on my door pulled me out of the memory.

“Come in,” I said, watching Logan’s lean figure enter my room.

“I hope I’m not disturbing you,” he said, looking as embarrassed as I was.

He knew. He knew everything, just like Miss Anna.

“Logan, I…”

“I’m not here to pass judgment on you; I just want to talk to you.” He walked over to my desk chair and sat down it, resting his elbows on his knees.

I had no idea what he was going to say, and despite his reassurances, I was still afraid he was thinking horrible things about me.

“Neil is not like other guys,” he began, staring down at the floor as if searching it for the right words.

“He went through certain things. Things that led him to develop these ways of acting and thinking that are…out of the ordinary.” He sighed, and I hoped he was about to get more specific.

I had long ago realized that Neil was not like other people, but his being different didn’t scare me.

“What are you trying to tell me?” I asked, encouraging him to be more explicit.

“I’m trying to tell you that, if you’re looking for a fairy tale or a Prince Charming or even a love story, my brother is the wrong person for you.

” He met my eyes, looking utterly heartbroken.

“He’s not an evil person. In fact, I owe everything to him.

He sacrificed himself to protect me, but…

in doing that, he damaged himself.” His words were like a direct strike to the heart.

His eyes were shining and full of the kind of fraternal feeling that I hadn’t experienced and could only imagine. Logan loved his brother deeply.

“His experiences made him who he is today, and I don’t think any one person—or their love—is going to cure him.

That’s how it happens in books, Selene, but this is real life.

Have you noticed that Neil…” He paused and took a deep breath before continuing.

“He easily loses control, he takes countless showers every day, chain smokes, is emotionally isolated and addicted to sex, often acts irrationally, and has confused thinking patterns?”

These were, in fact, things that I had already noticed. The same things that had led me to search the internet for information about his possible psychological conditions.

“Does he…” I wanted to ask, but at the same time, I didn’t want to say something that he might interpret as insulting to Neil.

I needed to know, however, so I cleared my throat and took the plunge.

“Does he have borderline personality disorder?” I said, my voice little more than an uncomfortable whisper.

I hoped Logan wasn’t going to get angry at me or see me as an enemy that he needed to defend his brother from.

“No,” he answered immediately, and I got the feeling that there was a part of him that wished he could have said yes.

“I know he’s a good-looking guy, and I know he does well with women, and I know that he likes you more than the others, but I care about both of you.

And I’m afraid that one—or both—of you are going to wind up getting hurt in this crazy situation.

” He ran an anxious hand through his hair before getting up and walking over to sit by on the edge of the bed.

“Don’t get me wrong, I would be thrilled if he opened his heart to you, but he still has so many problems to resolve.

Enormous problems, Selene. He’s not going to be capable of loving another person if he doesn’t learn to love himself.

Just like he’ll never be able to move forward if he doesn’t get closure with his past.”

I stared down at my legs. What could I do to help him? Nothing.

Being with him wasn’t enough; having feelings for him wasn’t enough.

In fact, it might have made things worse.

But I couldn’t just give up. I couldn’t let myself be scared off by his personal issues.

Maybe I couldn’t fix everything, but I could at least support him as he tried to make choices that might improve his current reality.

I looked up at Logan and smiled, giving his hand a squeeze. I saw where he was coming from; I understood his concern for his brother and for me, but I had entered into Neil’s labyrinth now, and the only way I was leaving was with him.

Maybe that made me crazier than the person I was trying to help, but my heart told me it was the right thing to do.

After Logan had left, a very stupid and possibly even dangerous idea popped into my head. I left my room and walked the short length of hallway between my room and Neil’s. I hadn’t encountered him in two days, and despite Logan warnings, I still wanted to see him.

Maybe he wasn’t even in the house. Maybe he was out with the Krew or was with whichever blond was on deck tonight, but none of these possibilities made me abandon my search.

I knocked three times on his door and immediately felt my heart rate speed up.

Footsteps, sure and measured, on the other side of the door told me he was about to appear.

When he finally opened the door to reveal himself, I had the immediate urge to run away.

Neil stood there in just a pair of gray sweatpants.

My eyes roved over his broad shoulders, the half-moon shape of his pectoral muscles, his sculpted abdominal muscles and divots of his lower abdomen, below which his manhood was concealed.

I examined what I could see of the pikorua on his left side and thought about how I’d touched it those few times when Neil had been naked beside me.

“What do you want, Tinkerbell?” he began in his low baritone. “Or is it Tigress tonight?” He added, sounding amused as he looked at the decidedly unsexy, even childish print of my pajamas.

I swallowed hard and forced myself to look him in the eyes. God, but those were magnificent as well, that uncertain gold-yellow color that shifted hues depending on the light.

“Well?” he prompted me.

My throat was so dry, and I probably had the same look on my face as the girls who gawked at him every day. “So, I was bored and…”

What the hell kind of answer was that?

“And so you thought it was fine to come bother me at this hour because you’re unattached now and want to fuck more often?” he taunted me, giving me a smug smile, one of the few kinds of smiles I ever saw his perfect face. My eyes went wide when I processed what he’d said.

“No!” I said immediately, trying to recover. “Oh my God, no, that wasn’t… I don’t…” But he’d already stepped back and made it obvious he wasn’t going to stand there listening to my rambling explanation.

“Come in,” he offered, and I obeyed, feeling like my body was responding more to his will than my own. I also had no idea why I’d come looking for him or why I wasn’t more wary of him, especially after what he’d done in the pool house.

I glanced around, taking in the sophisticated yet typically masculine decor. It was a space that I had memorized by that point. His amber scent lingered in the air, and the half-open door of the bathroom emitted steam, as though it had just been used.

“You covered it up…” he murmured in reference to my bruise, moving closer to examine my face in more detail.

“It doesn’t hurt much anymore,” I answered, trying not to get distracted by all those exposed muscles.

Why the hell am I in this room?

Neil was unpredictable. At any moment, he could fly into a rage and kick me out or he could suggest playing an erotic dice game or…

The train of thought was derailed when he grabbed my wrist and pulled me against him.

“You’re not wearing a bra,” he said in a sensual whisper. My hands came to rest on his bare skin; I could feel his warmth beneath my fingers. I didn’t have the guts to move or even utter a word. I barely came up his sternum, and my eyes got caught on a random portion of his abdomen.

“I…don’t think it was a good idea to come here… I…” I started to back away to leave, but he grabbed a handful of my shirt and tightened his fist around it. Again, he pulled me to him. This time, he pressed my back against his chest and breathed against my neck, plastering me to his body.

“Where do you think you’re flying off to, Tinkerbell?”