Page 42 of Let the Game Begin (Kiss Me Like You Love Me #1)

Selene

“How’s your mother?”

“The chemo is really hell on her…” Jared sounded tired, and I could only imagine how difficult it was for him to endure the situation.

I felt like such a hypocrite in that moment: I wanted to be there for him, but not the way he wanted.

I no longer considered myself his girlfriend in any sense, but I couldn’t tell him that, not while his mother was struggling for her life.

“I’m so sorry. I’m sure that you being there is essential for her. You’re being strong for her.” I couldn’t even imagine how I would have reacted if I were in his position. My mother was everything to me. Sometimes I wondered why God had set out such cruel destinies for people.

“Being strong is the only thing I can do,” he said, sounding heartbroken, and I halted in the middle of the hallway that led to my room. I’d just finished classes for the day, and I was exhausted. Now, listening to Jared, I was also agonized and melancholy.

“You’ll get through this.” All the reassurances I might have made seemed pointless. Every word or sentence was trivial. There was nothing anyone could say in the face of the harrowing reality of cancer. All we could do was wait, endure, and hope to emerge victorious.

Jared changed the subject to ask me if I’d settled in, if I was getting along with Logan’s friends, and about other inconsequential information. He was clearly trying to distract himself and avoid thinking about the difficult time he and his family were going through.

After ten more minutes of banal conversation, we said goodbye and I went to my room, tossing my bag down on the bed. I peeled off my coat and stretched my arms up over my head, working muscles that felt tense and sluggish.

Suddenly, a series of strange noises followed by breathless, angry gasping drew me back out into the hallway.

I followed the sounds out of my room like I was Hansel and they were breadcrumbs.

I stopped at the end of the hallway in front of the half-open door to a private gym and leaned forward to peer inside.

Resting my hand on the doorframe and trying to even breathe silently, I watched Neil, focused on his training.

A bright red punching bag oscillated under violent strikes from his fists.

Spellbound, I examined every inch of his tensed body.

His track pants clung to his clenched quads.

His bare chest was covered in droplets of sweat, outlining his pumped pectorals and an abdomen so sculpted that it would have been the envy of any other man.

The thick black lines of his tattoo seemed almost to be dancing around his right bicep.

Everything but the top tip of the pikorua on his left hip, however, was covered by the elastic of his low-waisted pants.

His body was a series of natural protrusions and reliefs, a blend of harmonious individual parts that came together to form a living sculpture. He was as beautiful, as worthy of admiration as any piece in an art museum.

I gave myself a shake but continued to watch as Neil landed precise, calculated blows.

I didn’t know much about boxing, but I knew that the sport required a great deal of speed, strength, and endurance.

He wore gloves to protect his own knuckles from possible fractures, such was the power that moved through his masculine form.

His stare, however, was dark and focused. It was all there in his eyes: the weariness of someone who had hoped for something that never happened.

Neil had been let down by life and was now a prisoner of his own hate.

But what exactly had made him this way?

All at once, he stopped and turned his head right toward me. I sucked in a breath, and his golden eyes dominated even that large room, obscuring everything else.

I had two options: I could run away like the worst sort of coward, or I could accept the consequences for being caught spying on him.

“You planning to stay there much longer?” His baritone rocked me just as surely as he’d rocked the punching bag he was now ignoring. Our eyes stayed locked on each other’s for what felt like forever, until I decided to enter the room.

The gulf between Neil and me was obvious: I was as jittery as a gazelle standing before a hungry lion.

He was arrogant, fully indifferent to what anyone else felt or thought.

I moved across the room with uncertain steps, making my way slowly toward his imposing figure as I tried to gather the courage I would need for this moment.

“I can’t tell if that unshakable confidence of yours is just a perk of being an asshole or if it’s some weird attempt to get girls,” I said, and Neil quirked the corner of his lips in an amused expression.

I didn’t really know what he’d found funny about what I said, but I kept my guard up just the same.

Neil took off his gloves and even that casual movement was appealing. Then, he looked at me again, and I couldn’t breathe as he advanced on me, one step at a time, calm and measured. He bent down next to the weight bench, grabbed a bottle of water from the floor and slowly unscrewed the top.

“Why are you here?” He brought the water bottle to his lips and took a long drink, never taking his eyes from me. My gaze dipped to follow the gleaming water droplets that slid down his chest, and I could feel my heartbeat speeding up.

I had to resist, to control the unhealthy attraction that drew me to him, and show him that I wasn’t as weak as he thought.

“The right answer would be that I’m not here to try to love or understand you,” I murmured. Neil stopped drinking and capped the bottle, setting it back down on the floor.

“And what’s the real answer?”

He picked up a folded towel and used it to blot his chest, all the time wearing the smug expression of someone who knew very well that he had an irresistible body.

“I’m here to offer you a compromise…”

What a liar. I’d gotten there purely by chance, and I didn’t even know when exactly that idea had come to me. It was just a gut feeling, come to my rescue at an opportune moment.

“What compromise? I’m not the kind of person who folds easily to the will of others,” he said in a peremptory tone.

No, he wasn’t. Neil was the kind of man who loved to manipulate without being manipulated, who enjoyed using women like sex dolls while never giving more of himself than absolutely necessary.

“I’m not the kind of person who likes to impose my will on others.

” It was true. I didn’t want him to be subject to my will.

I didn’t want to change him or even judge him, but just to know him.

And so I had lied to him, a little bit: I did want to understand him, even if I didn’t love him.

Love was an emotion that I didn’t associate with Neil at all.

Even though I was a romantic at heart, I knew that love required more than physical chemistry and sexual satisfaction.

Love was composed of so many more elements that were missing from both my relationship with Jared and whatever strange thing I had going on with Neil.

“I am. I’m the kind of person who likes doing that,” he answered bluntly before tossing the towel away and taking a deep breath. Then he began to examine me, analyzing me like I was an unstable chemical compound.

“You can have everything you want…as long as I get something of you.” That was my condition.

And then, driven by a boldness I didn’t think I’d possessed, I made one more attempt to convince him to accept my proposal.

I drew one hand along the line of my cleavage, sliding my fingers down slowly.

I was wearing a basic blue shirt with a bow at the collar, which was neither sexy nor provocative, but I still tried to appear confident and audacious.

Neil followed my movement with his golden eyes, all the way down to the waistband of my pants, where my hand finally stopped. I could feel the heat in my cheeks, and I hoped I wasn’t visibly blushing, or my plan was going to fail miserably.

Neil advanced on me, the smell of him invading the air around me. He was obviously sweaty, yet the clean smell of artificial amber still lingered on his body. I wanted to ask him why he bathed so often that he always smelled like soap, but I was waiting for just the right time.

When he was close enough that I had to tilt my head back to look at him, he grabbed me by the hips like an animal and pulled me violently against him. I let out a surprised sound and a jolt of pure pleasure moved through me.

He smiled at me as he ran his fingers along the front of my pants until he reached the buttons. His intent was clear: he wanted something from me right here, right now, and he wasn’t offering anything in return.

“I already gave you my body.” He confirmed my thoughts in a lascivious tone. He clearly felt that should have been enough to satisfy me. I wasn’t like the others, though.

“You give that to everyone.” I shoved his chest roughly, the only place my hands could reach him. I didn’t move him an inch, but he took a few steps back on his own, probably annoyed by my reaction. His gaze had darkened, and suddenly, his expression changed.

“What the fuck do you want then?” he bellowed. I wondered why he seemed to slide so easily into angry bewilderment. One only needed to push a few buttons to make his bad side emerge.

“Tell me!” he shouted at me again, and I flinched, backing away from him. I didn’t want to look weak, but I was actually afraid that he might hurt me, even if only by accident.

“I want to talk to you, Neil. There is more than just sex. People have conversations, discussions, they get to know each other and understand each other. Some of them even end up loving each other!” I said in an angry rush, and he stared at me, stupefied.

He was breathing heavily, and he looked lost, like he no longer knew where he was.

He scrubbed a hand over his face and shook his head, brushing past me to leave the gym.