Page 13 of Let the Game Begin (Kiss Me Like You Love Me #1)

Selene

I stared at my reflection in the mirror as I gathered my hair into a messy bun. I’d done nothing but think back on that kiss from the previous day. Neil’s lips against mine; our bodies fused together in that pool. I’d never encountered feelings like that before…so all-encompassing.

While I hadn’t technically cheated on Jared, I had betrayed myself, the Selene who never would have even thought about another boy like that, who would never have let Jared down or given into that kind of base temptation. The awareness of what I had done took hold of me, painful and oppressive.

What is happening to me?

I’d known that Neil had an uncontrollable power over me, but I still couldn’t understand my total inability to resist him.

Sighing, I tugged on a pair of light-washed jeans and a gray sweatshirt. I grabbed my messenger bag and immediately felt my phone vibrating. I glanced at the screen: it was Jared. My heart leaped into my throat, and I nearly stopped breathing. What was I supposed to say to him?

I tried to tamp down my panic and took a deep breath.

“Hey?” I answered after a few rings.

“Baby, how are you?”

Awful, but I couldn’t tell him that. Hearing his voice only intensified my guilt.

“Well, I’m about to go to campus with Logan. What are you doing?” I asked him while I balanced on one leg to put on my shoes.

“I just finished my first class today, so I thought I’d take the opportunity to catch up with you.

I’ve missed you,” he told me lovingly, and I decided that I needed to clarify things for myself.

That kind of behavior wasn’t like me; I couldn’t live peacefully with this.

I felt soiled, contaminated by some awful thing.

“I’m glad to hear from you, but I have to get going because I’m already late,” I said all in one breath, deciding to cut off the conversation before I started crying. I couldn’t freak Jared out; I needed to talk to him about this in person.

“Okay, baby. I’ll call you later. I love you!

” I could picture his smile and sweet expression when he said those three little words, which are so difficult for me to repeat.

I had never told him I loved him. I was firmly convinced that love was unique feeling, something precious that I could only give to the right person.

Someone who would then have the power to crush my heart in their hands.

“Later.” I hung up and searched the house for Logan. I looked briefly into the kitchen and spotted Mia having breakfast with Chloe and my father.

“Good morning, Selene,” Mia said, raising a hand in greeting.

“Morning, everyone,” I replied with a forced smile as I adjusted the strap of my bag on my shoulder.

“Won’t you have breakfast with us?” my father offered, but I didn’t feel up to it. My stomach was closed tight, still tortured by what had happened the day before.

“I’m running late, and I need to find Logan so I can get to class,” I answered stiffly, hoping against hope that I wouldn’t run into the wrong brother while I was waiting.

There had been no sign of Neil that morning, but we were still living under the same roof and the chances of encountering him were high.

Considering how weak and irrational I got whenever he spoke to me or even just looked at me with those golden eyes, I had decided it was in my best interest to steer clear of him.

Fortunately, Logan already appeared ready to go. Not even bothering to say goodbye, I grabbed his wrist and dragged him out the door in hopes of avoiding any more inappropriate encounters.

“Get up on the wrong side of the bed today?” Logan asked me once we were safely in the car and he could really see my thoughtful scowl.

“It’s the only side I ever seem to get up on,” I admitted

“You know, Selene, I think you’d really benefit from looking at things from a new perspective,” he said, stepping on the accelerator to pass the car ahead of us.

“What do you mean?” I turned to him, but he was staring ahead at the road looking focused and reflective.

“Well, this is your chance… Your chance to change things, make them go the way you want. Don’t look at your life as being dark; think of it as a blank canvas waiting to be filled with color,” he said, quietly and seriously.

“Where did you read that?” I grinned, silently thanking him for chasing away my terrible mood.

“Eh, somewhere, but that doesn’t make it less true,” he answered in an amused tone.

We lapsed into silence for the rest of the trip. I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn’t even notice when he parked right next to an unmistakable black Maserati. But as soon as I saw it, I was shaken.

Neil was there. Calm down , I told myself. I would just have to avoid him. And that was all there was to it. Bolstered by this decision and feeling just a hint of fear, I strode through the long corridors of the university.

***

Six exhausting hours later, and I hadn’t seen hide nor hair of Neil. I was comforted enough by this that I could even relax as I drove home with Logan.

We had the house to ourselves, since Mia was working, Chloe was studying at a friend’s house, and my father would be at the hospital until late.

“Weird that Neil isn’t home,” Logan muttered. Though I was deeply relieved by his brother’s absence, Logan seemed unsettled and concerned about it. Why was he so worried? His brother was plenty old enough to take care of himself, right?

“He’s probably having fun with his…friends,” I suggested. I would have just said “girls,” but I didn’t want to offend him.

Logan was getting increasingly agitated.

“Come on, let’s go to the living room,” I said.

We sat down on the couch, but Logan kept moving around like he was sitting on needles; a sure sign of how unsettled he was.

I tried to start a conversation with him about our classes, the professors, even the thongs that Professor Cooper very clearly wore, but nothing could distract him from his draining thoughts.

“Can you stop talking for one second, Selene! I’m really worried here!

” he snapped at me in a way he’d never done before and got up to pace the room.

I immediately clammed up, embarrassed by my lack of tact, but then he sat back down next to me and took my hand, apologizing for the way he’d spoken to me. He’d had no reason to do that, he said.

Maybe I didn’t understand his worry because I didn’t really know his brother. Was Neil prone to getting into trouble? Or, even worse, did he have some sort of addiction issues? I didn’t have the nerve to ask him those questions, so I limited myself to simply offering him comfort.

I really understood then how much Logan cared about his brother and the unbreakable bond that united them. I almost envied him—I hadn’t been lucky enough to have brothers or sisters.

“You’ll see, he’s going to come walking through that door any moment in his ‘no fucks given’ attitude,” I tried to put a positive spin on things to defuse some of the tension in the air.

Suddenly, the lock on the front door clicked open.

“Neil! Thank goodness!” Logan exclaimed. He sighed in relief before pouncing on his brother. “Where have you been?”

Logan’s fear became more comprehensible when I noticed the purpling bruise on the upper part of Neil’s cheekbone. It seemed obvious that he’d been punched in the face.

“What happened to your eye?” Logan asked, alarmed. I got up from the couch and approached the two of them.

“Nothing.” Neil tossed his car keys onto a stand in the entryway and shrugged off his leather jacket with utter indifference.

“Tell me what the hell happened!” Logan yelled, making me flinch, but his brother didn’t seem at all fazed by this display of anger. Neil just looked at him with a serious, almost irritated frown.

“Some asshole pissed me off…that’s it,” he said shortly.

“That’s it?” Logan put his hands on his hips and moved to block Neil’s way so he couldn’t leave and evade his questions.

“Yes. He provoked me so I left him in the dirt to rot, which is exactly where a piece of shit like him belongs.”

Oh. Cool. And he was proud of this? To think, for a moment there I’d been glad he hadn’t broken any bones.

“W… What?” Logan managed. “Fuck’s sake, Neil!

Are you trying to catch another charge or what?

” He pointed a finger at his brother, who just stared back at him emotionless.

It was inhuman coldness. He looked like a young man who had been disappointed and defeated by life to the point where he was incapable of feeling sorrow.

Or, maybe, he felt so much of it that he had to put up a wall of steel to protect himself from everyone else.

Neil remained a mystery to me. I knew next to nothing about him or his past. I’d seen only what he’d shown me, the most superficial part of him, brash and a bit perverse.

Now, as he stood in front of his brother, his dark clothing seeming somehow like an extension of the shadow that encompassed him, and he provided no further clues about the enigma that he was.

“He’ll be fine,” Neil said in a cynical, impassive tone. Then, he brushed past both of us and walked upstairs, leaving us behind in a whirlwind of questions and doubts.

“He’ll never change,” Logan announced, looking battle weary. He shook his head and sighed, staring at an indeterminate point on the floor. I didn’t know what to tell him, so I just rested a hand on his shoulder.

“I thought he was making an effort, but I was wrong,” he continued before vanishing wearily up the stairs himself.