Page 23 of Let the Game Begin (Kiss Me Like You Love Me #1)

Selene

Neil was completely insane.

Did he seriously think that making the same mistake all over again was the answer? No way.

And yet, there was a part of me that wanted to take him up on it, and I felt tortured by my need to do right by Jared.

I rolled over in bed and shut the book I was reading.

I tried every way I could think of to distract myself, but nothing could get it out of my head: the wicked temptation to give in to him again.

When it came to Neil, it seemed that my rational mind always lost out to my need to know more about him, to understand his troubled soul.

I could tell that his careless front was just one of the many masks he wore, and I couldn’t say why, but I wanted to peel away each one and learn all the facets of him.

I picked up my phone and tried texting Jared again. I’d asked him to come visit me in New York so we could talk, but his commitments prevented him from traveling.

“Dammit!” I said aloud when he answered with yet another message saying that he couldn’t come to New York that weekend either.

I was so tired of living with the burden of what I had done. Telling him the truth and setting him free for good was the right thing to do, but I couldn’t bring myself do it over a text message or even a phone call.

I headed downstairs for dinner and took my seat at the table with Matt, Mia, and Logan.

Chloe was out with Carter again, and Neil was in the wind.

I had promised myself that I was going to get something in my stomach—I was eating very little, and it was making me feel increasingly fuzzy and anxious.

On top of everything else, I didn’t have any friends I could trust with my troubles, and I felt so awfully alone.

I’d thought about confiding in my mom, but the idea of her getting angry at me was horrifying.

She wasn’t the right person to ask for advice about this.

I would just have to face it on my own. Like always.

I toyed with the food on my plate and smiled at Anna when she asked me if everything tasted all right. In reality, I only reluctantly ate the delicacies she had prepared. I was too torn up inside, worried, and depressed.

“Hey.…everything okay?” Logan asked, scooting closer to me. I just nodded, hoping I looked convincing.

“So, kids…” Matt patted his lips with his napkin and looked at me and Logan. “How’s school going? Tell me all about it.” He rested his chin on his fist and awaited our responses.

“Well, I’m ready now for a test at the end of the month,” Logan began, giving me some time to come up with something cogent to say.

“Glad to hear it, you never let us down, Logan,” my father commented with pride.

“Good job, Pup,” Mia praised him, one hand pressed to her chest.

“Mom,” he chided her sternly and reddened in embarrassment.

I barely restrained my laughter.

“And what about you, Selene? What’s going on with you?” Matt prompted me.

“I’m adjusting,” I answered shortly, nibbling on a piece of bread just to keep myself busy.

Matt didn’t push and dropped his eyes to his plate, clearly disappointed by my attitude. Mia patted his shoulder in reassurance, but I didn’t feel any pity for him.

After that, dinner proceeded in monastic silence.

Occasionally, I would respond to Jared’s text messages, but Neil was the one who was really on my mind.

I jumped at every noise from outside and expected to hear the roar of his engine at any moment.

How was I supposed to ignore that sinful smile and matching body when he walked in the door? Would I even be capable of it?

Though I was feeling tense, I remained politely seated at the table until everyone had finished their dinner. For a second, I thought I was going to get away clean, but then I heard the click of a lock and the front door opened.

I stiffened immediately and poured some more water into my glass just to hide my obvious nerves.

“Neil, darling, is that you? Come in here with us for a minute. There’s still some dessert left.” Mia gestured toward the kitchen, but her son didn’t bother to dignify her with a response. He took the stairs briskly and retreated into his room.

Logan threw a worried glance at his mother, and a strange sort of understanding passed between them. A moment later, Mia nodded almost imperceptibly at Logan, who immediately stood up and cleared his throat.

“Uh, please excuse me, I’m going upstairs for a minute,” he announced before backing away from the table and heading quickly to the stairs. What was going on? I tried to project an air of indifference, but it was obvious to me that something wasn’t right.

Unable to tolerate the fraught atmosphere at the table anymore, I made my excuses and left to go to my own room. I wanted to take a hot bath and watch a movie in bed.

I was almost there, too, when I was stopped in the hallway by the sounds of shouting coming from Neil’s room.

“It’s none of your business!” Neil’s deep baritone voice bellowed.

“I’m just trying to help you; don’t you get that?” Logan responded, alarmed.

I chewed nervously on the inside of my cheek. I wanted to hear what they were arguing about, but it seemed like a sibling issue, and I had no right to eavesdrop on them. It would have been disrespectful.

So, despite my curiosity, I walked to my room, determined not to insert myself. Then, suddenly, I heard a loud thud and instinctively ran for Logan to make sure that he was okay and hadn’t run afoul of Neil’s wrath.

I threw open the door of the next room, looking first at Neil, standing in front of his brother, and then at the room surrounding them, which appeared to have been devastated by a tornado. A lamp had been shattered against the wall, tiny shards lay on the floor among a few loose books.

“It’s fine, Selene. Get out of here,” Logan said placatingly. I should have listened to him but my legs wouldn’t obey me.

“You leave too, and get off my dick!” Neil thundered at his brother. His golden eyes were dull and blank. The black of his pupils sucked up all the gleaming honey that I’d admired so much. Neil was dripping sweat, his fisted hands were trembling and his breathing was irregular.

“Selene, please go away,” Logan pleaded, shooting me a worried look. It was wrong of me to butt in, but…

“I-I thought something had happened to you. I heard a loud noise and…” My voice trailed off.

“Nothing happened. It’s best if you just go back to your room,” Logan pressed, and I decided to listen to him. I nodded and apologized, and I was about to walk out the door when Neil let out a wicked laugh that nailed me to the spot, sending shivers down my spine.

I spun around, terrified.

“Yeah, Selene, go back to your room. But come back to mine when you want a ride later. Maybe when you’re drunk.” He gave me an evil wink, and I blushed with shame. Was he crazy? Did he want Logan to figure out what had happened? I paled, unable to speak.

“What the fuck are you talking about, Neil?” Logan cut in obliviously. “Selene, don’t listen to him, he’s not himself right now,” Logan added, scrambling to excuse him.

I tried to walk away, I really did. I was on edge and afraid as Neil approached me.

Immediately, I could smell his distinctive scent and I stared at him.

Dressed all in black with a cruel expression on his face and both fists clenched, he looked like the devil incarnate.

The fresh purple love bite on his neck and his disheveled hair told me he’d just been with someone, which caused a stab of pain in my chest.

“Tigress…” he whispered, his eyes fixed on my mouth. I swallowed and waited for him like a sacrificial victim offering herself up to the executioner.

“Do you want to know what happened with Jennifer the other day?” he asked, and I could feel his breath on my face.

I tried to stay cool, but my legs had started to tremble. Slowly, I turned my gaze to Logan, who was staring fixedly at his brother. I slowly exhaled, aware that any misstep here could endanger me.

“I thought about you while she was trying to blow me.” He walked past me and stopped right behind me. Logan’s eyes narrowed warily while I remained completely motionless.

Neil stood behind me for a few seconds, smelling my hair and gently touching my arm, which grew tense under his provocative touch.

“Do you know what hell really is?” He moved a strand of hair away from the side of my face and blew softly into my ear. I shivered, trying to keep my wits about me, trying to keep breathing.

“Hmm?” he murmured, slowly pressing his pelvis against my butt. I tried to pull myself free, but Neil put a hand on my stomach to keep me plastered against him.

“I don’t think I do,” I managed nervously. I felt trapped against the solid marble of his body, which could have crushed me at any time.

“Hell is a world away. Away from hope, love, trust, and reason. It’s an empty space where all you do is fight to survive among people just as evil as you are.

” All at once, he grabbed me by the hair and forcefully pulled my head back.

I let out a cry of surprise, and Logan took a step toward us but froze when Neil gave him a warning look.

I squeezed my eyes shut from the pain in my scalp. I wasn’t processing anything. Why was he acting like this? It occurred to me that I didn’t actually know him at all. When I twisted my head slightly to meet his eyes, I found them distant, completely disconnected from reality.

“If my brother wasn’t here…” he whispered in my ear, “I would’ve already pounded you into that bed,” he finished, pressing a brief kiss to my neck. A second later, he let me go roughly, and the only reason I didn’t fall over was because Logan caught me before I could.

“Out,” Neil ordered in a tone that brooked no argument and gestured at the door. Logan and I obeyed him.

I turned one last time before I left the room and saw Neil sitting on the floor in a shadowy corner.

He hugged his knees to his chest and wore a lost look on his face.

Slowly, he began to rock back and forth, hitting his head against the wall, his hands crawling up to his temples.

It was disconcerting to see him like that, suddenly so fragile and vulnerable.

There was no trace left of the confident, menacing young man of just a few moments before.

He looked instead like a lonely and remote child, cast out and suffering.

Logan shut the door, preventing me from continuing to look at him, and I shook myself.

“We should go to bed.” He gave a frustrated sigh. He seemed used to living with that kind of incident.

I, on the other hand, was shaken, unable to even move.

“But…” I didn’t want to go and leave Neil all alone like that.

We needed to call someone, maybe a doctor or even an ambulance.

He might do something drastic. I was terrified, but Logan seemed significantly calmer than I was.

He gave me a searching look as he rested his hands on my shoulders, which still wouldn’t stop shaking.

“He’ll get better. Today was just a bad day.”

His calm tone of voice reassured me even though it was clear that he was also hurting a lot for his brother.

What had happened to him?

One thing was clear to me: hell existed, because I had seen it Neil’s golden eyes.