Page 90 of Knot So Damaged

“How will you ever know if you don’t at least try?”

I shrug my shoulders, looking up at my son again.

“I don’t know if I could handle being rejected by her for the last time. I have spent so much time and energy trying to get her to say yes to me that now it feels like if I push anymore, it will be too far this time.”

I drop my head, bringing my hands up to grip my hair. At least if it is just me inflicting pain on myself, maybe I won’t feel so fucking awful.

“I’ve already taken it a step too far.”

I hear rustling beside me, indicating that Theo has taken a seat beside me. I don’t look up. I can’t see that look again on his face. It is so much like his mother’s, it is terrifying.

“We all make mistakes, Dad. You know that better than anyone. But that doesn’t define you. It’s what you do after that matters.”

I shake my head. “Using my words against me.”

He chuckles, “Just calling it as I see it.” Theo remains silent for a moment before he speaks again. “What are you truly scared of, Dad?”

That question has me pausing as I lift my head to look at my son. Just over twenty years my junior and he is more intelligent than I ever was.

Theo has a way of seeing the world in a different light. It was impossible to not be proud of him, Jax and Ledger and the way they handled the start of their relationship with Kennedy.

I know at their age, I wasn’t thinking as far ahead as they had to. It took me years to be able to keep calm in particular situations—something that has clearly been forgotten in this circumstance. Yet they did it with a grace that was admirable. Even with the clean up bill at the end of it.

Right now, I feel as though I am the one that needs to be coached through this part of my life. While I don’t hate it—having to rely on my boys more now—it makes me see that my time in my current position is coming to an end.

Knowing that isn’t even remotely related to my problems tonight, I turn back to the unanswered.

What am I scared of?

I am terrified of not being loved in return. I am terrified of walking back into that house and being pushed out of my own pack. I am terrified of having to be the one to sit out on the sidelines, all because I am an irrational dickhead with no filter.

I tell Theo that and more, feeling as though I pour my entire heart out to him.

He is silent for a while before he breaks it.

“Well, I say, fuck that.”

I snap my head up in surprise, my eyes going round as I stare at him in shock.

“What?” I question, feeling dumbfounded.

He just shrugs his shoulders as he leans back on his hands. “I said, fuck that noise. You are Victor motherfucking Duran. You are the Don of the Mafia. You are an Alpha. I have never seen you as the kind of man that shies away when things get intense.”

He shakes his head before continuing, “When Kennedy was taken from us, you forced us to pull our heads out of our asses and think rationally.”

He smirks and I know I am already dreading what he has to say.

“So Dad, you need to harden the fuck up. Because your Omega is waiting for you. She needs you.”

He almost had me there but the idea that she needs me is what lost me.

“She doesn’t need me, son.”

It's Theo’s turn to scoff as he looks over at me.

“Tell me then, Dad. Who the fuck is meant to help Valley throughher heat?”

I choke on nothing as I process his words. Straightening, I move into a low crouch as I get closer to Theo.