Page 29 of Knot So Damaged

It was unnerving.

I have never felt that way before. Not even when I have drawn big crowds.

It was like they still undressed me even when I had nothing on. Like they were peeling back every single inch of my flesh until they got to the core of me.

Strangely enough, the moment I was out of their sight, I found that I missed the feeling of them watching me.

Because while it was unsettling, it also gave me this feeling of comfort. Of safety. A feeling that could be dangerous if I was to get used to it.

I am under no delusions that these three Alphas are after more than one thing. Isn’t that what they all want while they are waiting for the one?

I’m not interested in being someone for them to just pass some time with. Maybe younger me might have been, but older me knows better.

I know that Alphas are a trap. Delicious and tantalizing traps that will suck you in and spit out just as fast.

While their interest is flattering, I don’t want it. I have enough on my plate. The biggest being Amity.

Having three dangerous looking Alphas lingering around isn’t good for her. I want to set her a better example.

I don’t want her to hold the same traumas that I do.

I want her to want a pack of her own. To safely find her scent matches. To be able to be loved and to love in return.

I want everything for her that has been stolen from me.

Once upon a time, I dreamed about having a pack. Of finding that group of Alphas that scent called to me. I want so desperately to have what my mother had with my four fathers.

But it was a dream that was stolen from me when I caught the attention of Pack Andrews.

If I could go back in time and not attend that dinner my parents and I were invited to, I would have.

I would have run as far from that pack as I possibly could.

The moment their eyes were set on me, I was already doomed. They were persistent from that night on. They did everything they possibly could to court me.

Even though I denied them at every turn, they didn’t care.

That should have been enough of a red flag for the authorities to be called in. But my fathers thought they would be able to handle it on their own.

Unlike many other parents in the circles that my family used to interact with, arranged matings with packs was a common practice.

These hoity-toity packs couldn’t have their sons and daughters mating with trash could they?

Their words, not mine.

Thankfully, my parents didn’t share the same sentiment. Especially not when their background was the ‘trash’ the other packs turned their nose up at.

My parents worked their way from the bottom to the top.

They built an empire that saw their success soar for years. They were able to become a part of high society with their success.

But all of that work was for nothing when Pack Andrews stole it from them.

That night is still burnt into my brain.

The sounds of distant gun shots had me shooting out of bed. I could feel my heart pumping in my chest as my eyes remained glued on my bedroom door.

Each shot had my entire body jolting.