Page 54 of In You

My Heart

Caleb

Three Months Later

Feeling in good spirits I smile as I turn the corner of the archway, headed down the hallway with Ringo at my heels.

I'm carrying a vase of flowers, a request from Tamryn, and I'm a bit anxious at how she's going to take it.

She's been in a good mood lately, and though we're only three months out from her having Tris, things have been going so well that everything in me wants to lay her down in our bed and make another baby.

The door to the nursery is cracked and I can hear she's in there, humming to Tris. Our beautiful, perfect child. All ten fingers and toes, beautiful honey-brown eyes, little crop of wavy hair, and perfect baby skin. She's adorable.

I couldn't have asked for a better family.

She sleeps a lot, and she loves her daddy's voice.

Dare I say it, I think she's actually a daddy's girl, though I'll never tell Tamryn that.

That's for sure a trigger. Tris calms the moment she snuggles up to my chest. She sleeps so good when she's with me, and she loves back rubs.

So does her mom. And I'm forever grateful to Tamryn for blessing me with a precious gift; the ability to see myself in a role that had been denied kid Caleb.

My father was some very big shoes to try and fill, but damn it, I give it my all every day of our lives.

I stop for a second to straighten the oil painting of the sea, which is a bit askew on the wall in the hallway, and move to turn away.

But something catches my eye, and I bring my gaze back to it, my lips parting and eyes narrowing as I see a very small painting of a woman standing on the edge of the cliff in a violet dress with her wavy hair blowing in the wind. Tink is tucked under her arm.

I'm a little hurt as I see I'm not there. And neither is Tris, or Ringo.

I touch my fingers to it, wondering when Tamryn added her image to this.

Readjusting the flowers in my arm, I continue down the hallway, listening to the lullaby she's humming.

"Baby, I'm home," I call, pushing through the door and walking into my worst nightmare.

My body tenses up and the vase of flowers slips through my grip to hit the floor, shattering as I stare numbly at Tamryn who is on her knees in the middle of the floor, rocking baby Tris in her arm. Eyes unfocused and swimming in tears as she hums quietly to herself…

Holding my gun to her head.

I suck in a sharp breath and raise a cautious hand as I slowly step over the glass, ignoring the crunch under my foot as I get closer.

I see the awareness of my presence enter her body; her eyes leave Tris to meet mine, causing me to tense all over.

The room is thick with sadness and oppressive helplessness that I don't know how to help.

Her eyes are shiny, wide with anxiety and fear.

What's happened?

"Tamryn," I say in a soft, level voice. She doesn't look at me, but the gun to her temple trembles. I lower to my haunches, forcing myself to stay calm. "Tamryn…give me the gun, honey."

If this were any other situation I'd take the risk at the gun going off to disarm her, but this is my love.

My love who's holding the other piece of my heart within her arms. I can't chance it.

Won't dare. My sanity feels like it's hanging on by a thread as she shakes her head, the tears falling faster now, her face contorting as she sucks in a deep breath and meets my eyes.

"It's Camilla," she whispers, her head tilting as her crying becomes even more fervent as she just stares at me, sucking me into the desolate reality she's battling. "Caleb, it's me. Camilla."

"Okay, baby," I say, taking a deep, calming breath. "I know its you. You're alright now. I'm here. Give me the gun."

"I can't…" she whispers, heartache in her eyes. "They want me to hurt her, Caleb. And I won't do it…"

My heart skips a beat, and it takes everything in me to not show my panic.

Oh God. I swallow thickly, trying to get a handle on my emotions.

"Who?" I ask quietly, sliding my hands up her thighs until I get to where Tris is bundled up in her arm. I trace my hands over the blanket, trying to soothe her as she's whimpering. But I don't dare try and take her from Tamryn.

I have no clue what she'd do.

"The voices," she says, her voice breaking.

"They want Tamryn to kill her…but I won't let her.

" Her finger twitches on the trigger, and my heart begins to pump harder as blood curdling anxiety becomes my entire world, making me feel nauseated and slightly disoriented.

It won't take much pressure to pull the trigger, then she'll be gone.

"I need to do this. To protect her, Caleb. "

"Honey, let's get into the bath, huh?" I say softly, trying to pull Tris away, but Tamryn tightens her arm around her, and her finger twitches on the trigger again. The blood pounds through my veins, and roars in my ears as I see our life together flash before my eyes.

"Goodbye, Caleb," she whispers, her eyes sliding from mine to Tris. "Goodbye, my love. You're daddy's little girl, okay? And you're mommy's beam of joy."

My breath hitches. No. No, no, no.

"No, honey," I bite out in a panic, sniffing as I feel a tear slip down my face. "No. I won't say goodbye. This is not goodbye. Our story has barely even started."

Her eyes go back to mine, red-rimmed with hurt and confusion, yet, she stays silent, offering me no hope.

Not like how she usually does. It makes my panic turn to straight dread.

"Camilla. Give me the gun," I plead in a hard voice, feeling my entire body straining with tension and heartbreak. Warmth crawls up my spine, suffocating me as she shakes her head again and then leans down, pressing her lips to Tris' head.

"No," I whisper, my fingers trembling, my nostrils flare as I inhale sharply. "No, baby."

Tamryn lingers, nuzzling into our baby, her body swaying gently. She looks up from Tris’ head and gives me a smile, and I close my eyes briefly as I see a small piece of dog food nestled in Tris’ blanket. My heart sinks into my stomach and I begin to cry.

"I got her ready for you, daddy."

I freeze at the sound of Darling's voice, looking down for the first time, seeing I’m kneeling in small pieces of dog food.

That crunching noise hadn’t been glass I heard.

And my heart sinks further, because I know without even looking, what’s happened.

I rock on the balls of my feet as my palms sweat and my heart breaks clean in half as every emotion imaginable rises to fill it to the point it can't help but split right down the middle just like how it used to be…

except this time it's about a million times more painful.

It's my turn for my face to break now.

Leaning my forehead to Tris's baby blanket, I swallow hard against the bile in my throat, losing precious few seconds where she may or may not pull the trigger. Seconds I need to figure out what my next move is.

Looking back up, I blink the tears away. “I forgive you,” I say hoarsely, my heart shattering at the small, childlike innocent smile on her face as she continues to rock. “I forgive you, Darling, and I love you more than anything in the entire world.”

“For what, daddy?” Her brows pinch together, and then she slowly turns her face to look into the barrel of the gun. All the color drains from her complexion, leaving a washed out gray where beautiful tan usually resides.

She makes a fearful sound, and she suddenly moves, putting the gun down and thrusting Tris at me at an alarmingly fast rate that has me snatching her up in my arms.

Saying a quick prayer of thanks I grab the gun with my other hand, and see a weird look cross her face.

“Oh!” she says, putting her hands over her mouth. “Daddy, please don’t! D on’t hurt her, she didn't do anything to you!”

I look down at the gun in my hand and then hurriedly tuck it in the waistband of my jeans.

“Oh no, Darling," I say with a nervous huff, clearing my throat. "I’m not going to hurt her. I’m going to go give her a bath and then be right back. Go play with your dolls, okay?”

She nods, taking a deep breath and climbing to her feet. "Is Calvin coming to pick her up to take her to her new daddy today?" she asks, making a muscle tick in my jaw.

"No, Darling, not today. Now go on. Be a good girl and do as daddy says.

" I nod at the little doll set up in the corner of the room she insisted on putting up for Tris even though she's just a baby, and the minute she turns to go to it, my arm shoots out and I hit her over the temple with the butt of my gun.

She whimpers, collapsing and hitting the floor with a hard thump.

I rise to my feet, stepping away and putting Tris in her crib and then pick Tamryn up off the floor. Defeated, I carry her into our bedroom where I tie both her wrists to the bed and then go back to our baby, bathing her and getting her clean.

Thankfully I didn't find any more dog food.

I rock her, feeding her a bottle and think through what I consider to be a crisis of faith until she's asleep, and when I make my decision, I put her in her crib and then go outside, not stopping until I'm on the other side of my jeep hidden from the front of the house.

Though I don't know why. She can't see me because she's tied up.

I sink to my knees outside to the gravel, and lower my head into my hands and sob. Lightening flashes in the distance, overcrowding the small amount of sun we'd had, and the first drops of rain splatter against the tiny stone and soak my hair and shoulders.

"Oh, God!" I cry out, groaning as feel myself fighting against going into denial. "Why?!"

As much as I wanted to save her from this, I can't. And it kills me.

I have to let what I want go.

My fingers clench around the pea gravel as I dig a small crater out and then stare blankly as the rain fills it.

Remembering the first kiss we shared almost in the very spot I'm kneeling.

That feeling of abandon and wonder I'd had.

I have no clue how long I stay like this, out here on my knees being drenched by the downpour soaking my clothes, matting my hair to my head and washing away the earth, making it brand new again.

I wish it could cleanse my heart, but I fear the rain could pound down on me for the rest of my life and I won't be absolved.

I tilt my head to the sky, my eyes staring up into the gray clouds. Water hitting my face as I make my peace with the fact that I'm not going to be able to have it all. That's never been my lot in life, but God, I tried so hard to make it work.

My tears mixing with the rain, I dig my phone out of my pocket and hit the speed dial. When Alexander answers on the other line, my body goes numb.

"Dr. Richardson, I need you…" I whisper, broken.

Utterly and completely broken.