Page 53 of In You

How Is She?

Caleb

Three Months Later

"Push, Tamryn!" I grit, holding her hand in mine as she digs her nails in, screws her eyes shut, and stops breathing as she does just that.

Her face turns red and sweat dots her brow and face, but she couldn't be more beautiful to me. Gasping for air, she throws her head back and groans.

"One more push, Tamryn," Dr. Peterson, our obgyn, says, looking up from between her spread legs. "She's crowning. We just need one more good push and she'll be out, you're doing so good."

"I-I'm so tired." Tamryn throws me a nervous look, tears sliding down her face as her eyes meet mine.

"Hey," I murmur quietly, tilting my head down to give her a kiss. "You're so strong. So brave. You got this, my love. Just one more push, and you'll be able to hold our beautiful girl."

Her face contorts and she sobs quietly. "You promise?"

My heart breaks, because I know what she's asking, but I can't know if she's going to switch or not and I really don't want to make false promises. I swallow hard, nodding my head and adjusting my grip on her hand. "Yes, baby. I'll be right here every step of the way."

She shivers, turns her eyes to the front, and then bears down on a long, drawn out moan.

"Yes! Yes, yes, yes, Tamryn!" Dr. Peterson works between her legs, and tears come to my eyes at the sight of Tris' head emerging. A few seconds later she's pulled from Tamryn's body and then plopped onto her chest, goo and all.

"Oh my god. Oh my god," Tamryn cries, clearly overwhelmed.

The nurses move fast, and there's so much happening at once it's maddening; they wipe her off, suctioning Tris, cleaning Tamryn up.

Tears flow down my face at the sound of Tris's first cry, and I clear my throat softly when Tamryn looks up with a smile and works to wrap the blanket loosely around Tris.

The nurses take her, and I pose for a picture of me cutting the umbilical cord.

It's a wonder I could see through the tears to manage it.

Refusing the nurse, I give Tris her first bath and hum to her as I do so, washing her little baby hair, and smiling when she yawns, then cries.

"Caleb, let me see her," Tamryn calls from her bed, obviously wanting her back.

I bring Tris straight to her, and then carefully put a diaper on Tris while she's on her lap. She pulls her back to her breasts, burying her lips to her hair and then rocking gently side to side. I can already tell she's going to be an amazing mom.

"Let me order you some food," I say, brushing my hand down her hair. She meets my eyes and then nods, quickly putting her eyes back to Tris. I order the food, and by the time it comes, Tamryn's got her to latch, and I feed her while she feeds our baby.

It's hands down the most intimate experience I've ever had. Easily.

When she's done and Tris has fallen asleep, Tamryn looks up at me with a small smile. "You're a daddy. Can you believe it?"

I shake my head on a half chuckle. "No, but it's the best feeling in the world, aside from being your husband." Tamryn visibly melts. "Do you…" I feel my chest tighten, and I sit carefully on the edge of her bed, feeling vulnerable. "Do you think we can have another one?"

Her eyes widen in surprise before lowering to Tris, and then she sits for a minute, thinking. She doesn't answer my question, merely looking back up and then giving me another small smile. "Want to hold her for a bit?"

I nod, clearly beyond being able to talk.

My entire being lights up, and my skin turns warm as I bend to Tamryn and Tris, giving Tamryn a loving kiss first before putting my lips to the top of Tris's head.

Gently, I pull her into my arms and stay close to Tamryn.

She puts her head to the pillow wearily, and a sort of joyful glow emits from her I've never seen before.

"You're the most beautiful mom in the world," I say reverently. My voice is choked up, but I couldn't care less. I'm the luckiest man in the world right now, and nothing can bring me off this high. A whole life spent full of terror, pain, and uncertainty, and now I finally get a slice of heaven.

My heart isn't mine anymore. It belongs to these two beautiful girls, and I'll never be the same.

Seeing her staring quietly, I bring Tris back to her breasts, unwrapping the towel and moving Tamryn's robe to the side so she can have skin to skin time. I settle her carefully before reaching over to grab the little hat Tamryn crocheted for Tris, and gently pull it on her hair.

"Tamryn, you made a beautiful child," I say with my throat tight.

"It's Camilla," she whispers, staring down at our daughter with a look of wonder on her face. "And you’re right, Savior. She's so beautiful."

A shiver runs through me, but I know, even despite the alters, Tamryn will make a wonderful mother.

Two Weeks Later

After we get home and settle into a new routine, I watch Tamryn, enraptured more than worried at our circumstances.

She really is the perfect mother. She's set Tris' bassinet in our room, and is the most loving, doting mother I've ever had the privilege of seeing.

Though I want to caution her about spoiling our daughter, I really am not much better, if we're being honest.

Between the two of us, and the dogs, Tris is the most loved baby on the planet, I think.

Ringo's taken to sleeping next to her bassinet every night, and Tink curls up next to them at every feeding, resting her little nose on Tris' side.

One Thursday night I roll over in the middle of the night and feel Tamryn's side of the bed empty.

I crack an eye open in the dimly lit room, seeing Tamryn standing next to the changing table.

Tris waves her hands and legs in the air, cooing, but Tamryn is dead set on the task at hand, eerily quiet as she fusses over her.

"No," Tamryn mutters, startling me. "Not like that. Too tight." She undoes the tabs on Tris' diaper and then redoes them. Then stares for a long while before shaking her head and grumbling, undoing the tabs then redoing them back up.

"Honey," I say gruffly, sitting up in bed. "Put baby girl down then come back to bed, you did it fine the first time. Don't worry, she's not acting agitated or anything."

She huffs a sigh, her eyes narrowing as she looks over her shoulder to me. "It's not right."

"Camilla-"

"It's Tamryn," she snaps in an irritated tone, making me frown.

Shit.

"I'm sorry, love." Getting up, I pad over to her and wrap my arms around her from behind. Nuzzling my lips into her neck, I rock her gently. "You're the best mom," I murmur, nibbling at her ticklish spot.

Instead of laughing like she normally does, she sighs and sags in my arms, and the first true tinge of worry wraps itself around my psyche and gives life to other concerns that have been lying dormant.

"Are you sure?" she asks in a small voice. “I-I don’t feel like it.”

Avoiding answering her question, I pick up Tris and keep Tamryn tucked under my arm as I lead us to the bassinet and lay Tris down carefully. "Come to bed, baby," I say, seeing her just staring at Tris with worry, wringing her hands. "It's okay, come to bed," I repeat.

She turns without another word and crawls in between the sheets with me.

I pull her into my body, putting my lips to her shoulder and wrap my arms around her as tight as I can.

She cries herself to sleep, and I lay there awake until the sun comes up.

I get up before Tamryn and take care of Tris, assuring she’s fast asleep before I walk to the front of the house and then slip out the front to the shed where I make a phone call to Tamryn's psychiatrist.

"Hey, Caleb, how's it going?" Alexander Richardson answers, sounding chipper.

"Hello, Dr. Richardson. Well… I was hoping that you'd be able to come up here."

There's a weighty pause where I can just hear the judgement thick as molasses through the phone before he speaks. "Did something happen?"

I clear my throat, rubbing a hand down my face. "I don't….I don't know."

"Okay…" He trails off. "I can catch the next flight out." I hear his keyboard typing in the background, his voice sounding muffled as he tells his receptionist to cancel an afternoon appointment. "I got a direct flight, so I'll be landing at about two o 'clock your time."

"Thank you doctor," I say, my voice thick with worry.

God I hope I'm worrying for nothing...

We hang up, and I go back inside to make Tamryn breakfast, a moot effort because not even half an hour later she's freaked out over the bacon, and retires to the room with Tris without eating at all.

"Good news is she's not showing symptoms of postpartum depression," Alexander says, looking out towards the tree line.

A muscle clenches in his jaw, and the blue in his eyes turn to ice as he turns his head to pin me with a stare.

"But, Caleb, you need to be careful. I know I sound like a broken record, but-"

"She's a good mom," I growl in a warning voice. My eyes flicker as I stare through the door of our house, seeing Tamryn pacing the living room with Tris in her arms, humming to her.

"Caleb, I know you want to have high hopes, and be positive, but I caution you to not be delusional, alright? No one is trying to insinuate she isn't a good mom, but it doesn't negate the fact she's still switching more frequently than we'd like. If the alters turn on each other-"

I shake my head, refusing to believe.

"If the alters turn on each other," he repeats, hardening his voice. "This could be bad. If she shows any warning signs of anything, you call me right away."

I blow out a deep breath, tapping my hand to my bicep. "That won't happen."

He tightens his lips. "Caleb, look at me."

Reluctantly, I bring my eyes to his.

"You hired me because you said you wanted the best of the best. And I wouldn't be doing my due diligence if I didn't caution you. I don't condone this, Caleb. She needs to be in a hospital for care. Should have been from the start."

"No way. I'm not abandoning her!" I snap angrily, turning to face him full on. He doesn't flinch, nor cower from me.

From the look of him, he's extremely athletic but I'll take him out any day of the week.

"It's not abandonment. I'm not telling you to throw her into an asylum and then forget she ever existed, Caleb. I'm saying to give her a fucking chance. It might take a while, sure, but isn't that better than walking on pins and needles waiting for the other shoe to drop?"

"I'm not walking on pins and needles," I say quietly, narrowing my eyes. His eyes narrow back in disbelief. "I'm not."

"Then what am I here for?"

The tension thickens between us, forcing me to take a step back. "You know what, I don't know. I freaked out and made a judgement call too soon. I'm sorry for wasting your time. I’ll pay you double."

His eyes widen slightly. "No, Caleb, you're not wasting-"

"Please leave-" I say in a hard voice, averting my face.

"Please rethink this. I don't believe you made a bad judgment call. You had reason to call me-"

"Dr. Richardson, I asked you to leave."

"Caleb-"

Taking a step forward, I harden my voice. "Get the fuck off my property!"

Alexander's eyes flash, holding my eye contact for a few seconds before he steps away from me and bends to grab his leather briefcase off the porch. He stands up with a sigh, casting a long look through the front door.

"Call me if you need me," he says softly, sliding on his sunglasses and heading down the stairs without a backward glance.

I keep my back to the drive until I hear the sound of his tires fading in the distance and then I head on inside.

"Hi," I say, pulling Tamryn into my arms as I settle into the couch next to her. "How're my girls?"

"We're good, love," she says, tilting her head up for my kiss. "So good. How're you?"

I give her a little smile, placing my hand to Tris' head and putting a kiss to her cheek. "So good, honey."

This time, I don't say her name. She's fine.