Page 29 of In You

Can't We Try?

Caleb

“Why don’t you want to make love to me?” she says, flinching a little when I snap my head up too fast to look at her. "You haven't tried since I've been here."

The term "making love" honestly takes me by surprise. I swallow and then put down my fork, leaning back in my chair and spreading my knees. “Tamryn-“

“It’s Camilla.”

My eyes narrow slightly as I look away, realizing I’m dealing with the severely victimized part of her split personality.

I wonder how much of Tamryn is left in there because it doesn’t seem she comes out very much.

“Camilla,” I say, my voice calm. “I want to make love to you, very much. But I don’t want to break you. ”

I don't want to break myself, either, I think.

It's dinnertime, a couple hours after us kissing out in the rain. When we came inside we dressed in dry clothes and then cuddled on the couch. I played with her curls while she shared with me a little bit about why Tink means so much to her. She loves dogs.

So of course it came as no surprise that that monster took one from her. Just like he tried to take everything else.

But I think after last night, and today, she realizes he hadn't stolen quite everything from her like he'd probably hoped to.

She wants me as bad as I desire her, I'm willing to bet.

And now I have to have a hard talk with myself to see if I'm even able to give this woman what she deserves from a man.

I thought I'd have some time before we had this talk, but she beat me to it.

Her chin tilts up a little, making me proud. “I’m strong.”

I soften. “I don’t mean your body. I meant your mind , sweetheart.”

“The Captor used to fuck me every day.”

I roam her face tightly trying to see any hint of her being uncomfortable, but all I see is sadness. “Do you miss it?”

“Sex?” Something poses over her face, and I narrow my eyes as her brows pinch together and she goes silent for a few seconds. “Yes,” she says in a final tone. "I do. I suppose, really, that what I actually miss is sex that doesn't hurt."

A pang of pity sinks its grips into me, because I completely get what she's saying. It might not affect me the same way it does her, but sex hurts for me too.

“Camilla," I say quietly, clearing my throat. "I have a hard time with sex, sweetie. Because of…" I trail off, averting my gaze.

"Because of the abuse from your mom?" she asks, her expression as wide open as her eyes.

I nod, swallowing hard. "Yeah."

It goes silent, then her next words make my heart stop.

"Every time he gave me an orgasm, he'd break something, or cut something," she says in a small voice, her eyes filling with tears as she sniffs, curling her shoulders in. "But I know that's not normal because….well, because I've been with others, and they never did that to me."

"Jesus, Camilla," I half-whisper, horrified because I'm imagining it; visions of Tamryn in the throes of passion only to be literally broken flash unwanted in my mind. Then, as if it wasn't already bad enough, it plays on fucking repeat to torture me further.

How would I even pursue a sexual relationship with her without fucking her or myself up even more than we already are?

Her eyes flicker to mine before lowering back to her plate where she just stares for a long time. So long that I get up and sink to my knees in front of her. I put my head in her lap and take a deep breath. "I don't like this," I say quietly.

"This?" Her fingers go into my hair, and I look up sharply.

"No, I don't mean this," I gesture between us, before placing my hand over her heart, "I mean this."

Her eyes dilate. "Oh, o-okay." She wets her lips nervously, squirming in her seat.

"I mean I don't like hearing you so vulnerable. Seeing you look like this. Like you're helpless and don't know a way forward." I take her hand in mine, squeezing hard. "There's so much life in you. Let me show you how to protect yourself."

Her brows raise. "You would do that?"

I nod, latching on to the hope in her face. "Yes, I'll teach you everything I know, sweetheart. If that's what would make you happy."

A true smile breaks out across her face, but then she gets a bewildered look. "Oh wait, no. I don't want to know how to kill someone," she says in a high-pitched, panicked voice, putting her hand to her cheek.

I chuckle, joy filling me so full that I bow my head under the weight of it, laughing and resting my head on her knee.

"No, baby. You don't gotta kill anyone." I look back up before rising off my knees and then backing up till my hips hit the counter. I give her a saucy wink, relishing in her deepening blush. "I'll be doing your protecting for you. This is just so you know you can if you need it."

Four Days Later

"I'm not going to hurt you because you didn't do it right the first time," I say, forcing my voice to stay calm and level as I stand patiently next to Tamryn.

"All these extra slices you're putting in the meat is fine, Tamryn.

Now try again. Try to stop shaking so you can firm your hold on the knife.

" Seeing as she's still trembling, I put my eyes to hers.

"You'd think I do something to you when you have a knife in your hand, sweetheart?

Wouldn't be very smart of me, now would it? "

We're in the utility room of the shed, butchering our third rabbit of the afternoon.

And each time she's tried to dissect the leg from the joint she's messed up, having to make several cuts into the meat to get it right.

Though she's still in a cast, I've been having her help me butcher the meat we catch in my traps around the property so she can learn how to do this on her own.

Really I'm teaching her how to use a knife, but in an indirect way. And trying to get her used to standing next to me. Because unlike her alter, Camilla, Tamryn is taking a very long time to warm up to me.

I understand it, I do, but I just want to be close to her no matter which alter she presents me with, simply put.

Every day she's in my presence my need for her grows. But the need isn't just a sexual or physical one, it's become mental. I can't imagine waking up without her here in my home. My favorite thing is when she wakes up before me and the smell of breakfast is in the air.

It makes me feel considered, taken care of, and I just want her to feel the same when she thinks about me.

Tamryn takes a deep breath, her slender fingers readjust on the knife before brining the blade to the flesh.

"Now, slice right here. Directly between the joint in the thigh, " I instruct quietly. "Harder. Harder."

"I can't!" she spits out, getting a frustrated look on her face.

"Angle the knife a little more, and press harder, Tamryn.

" I firm up my voice, and she grunts as she turns her wrist a little and slices the knife through the rabbit's leg joint until it disconnects from the body.

I toss the meat to the side and flop the carcass on its back.

"Now, the other side." She gets it, just like I knew she would.

Slicing through a rabbit is nothing. A person on the other hand, well…

that's nasty business. "Good." I flip it over, walking her through breaking down the rabbit until it's completely quartered. "Good girl."

Tamryn throws me a rather shocked look before scrunching up her nose at the sight of the bloody knife in her hand. "Ew."

I chuckle, moving her hand to the sink and turning the tap on. "It's life, Tamryn. Sometimes you gotta work for your food."

Taking the knife, I wash it while we watch the blood rinse off her fingers to drain down the sink. "I mean…I just have always gone to the grocery store, or to the butcher."

Chuckling, I put my eyes on hers and see her staring at me warily. Tamryn and I don't have the same kind of understanding that Camilla and I do. It's strange, because they're the same fucking person. "I didn't buy a thousand acres of land so that I could go to the grocery store all the time."

She gasps. "We're on a thousand acres right now?" I nod, ignoring her eyes narrowing at me judgmentally. "Why on earth do you need a thousand acres of woods, Caleb? There's no farm here! This is too much for one person to have all to himself."

I laugh again, thinking how cute her slightly outraged tone of voice is. I rinse the meat, packing it into a stainless steel tub so I can carry it to the house to freeze it and then arch a brow at her as she grumbles quietly about having to eat rabbit.

"I disagree. There's solitude, peace, contentment. Time to be one with the land. And the best part?" I push the tub to the side and then snatch up a towel, giving her a cheeky grin. "There's no one here to bother me."

She snorts, tossing the knife to the side and letting me wipe her hand down with a towel. "Spoken like a true country man."

When we're walking back to the house she looks up at me. "Why do you like being alone?"

The sudden change of subject is jarring, though honestly I knew she'd soon be asking questions I'd rather not answer.

"It's just easier that way."

She eyes me. "Does your family know you're so reclusive? Seriously, what would you do if I weren't here right now?"

"Tamryn." I tighten my lips. "Can we just drop it?"

"Why can't we just try to talk about it?" She opens the backdoor for me and I walk through, praying to god she'd shut up for a second. She's so incessantly nosy.

"For the same fucking reason why I live on these thousand acres, Tamryn," I say in a rough tone. "Because I want peace."

She pouts, and it makes me do a double take. Lust has my cock jerking in my pants, and my eyes snap to her plump lips. Her eyes snap to mine, and then widen. "What?" she asks.

"Don't make that face."

She recoils her head, tucking a wispy curl that's fallen from her ponytail behind her ear. "I'm not making a face."