Page 37 of In You

Hate

Tamryn

I clean up the dishes, feeling so angry I could break them all one by one on the floor.

This is more than just him keeping me here.

This is hurt and pain that needs understanding.

I want to know why. Why? What did I fucking say or do to that monster to make him want to isolate me from the world and hurt me the way he did.

And is Caleb going to do the same thing to me too?

Because this is how it started with him.

I turn my eyes to the knife block, contemplating for the second time to try and kill him in a desperate bid for freedom.

I refuse to be a victim anymore. But then I think about the sweet moments of vulnerability Caleb's given me. I just know he's got pain like mine. It feels fresh, unhealed, desperate for understanding. I can't kill him. I have to try to save him first. Before he turns into Calvin.

Before he hurts me.

I toss the leftover food from breakfast in the trash and place my hands flat on the sink, staring out the window towards the shed he'd disappeared in not even an hour ago.

I'm seething mad. I want answers. About everything.

About why I stare up at the ceiling at night and can't remember huge chunks of the last year.

Inspired by the sight of the frost we've been waking up to every day, I've spent the morning trying to remember anything about what I did last Christmas, but I couldn't dredge up even one memory. I don't even know if Calvin and I had a tree or exchanged gifts.

Did I get to wear the red dress I picked out with my mom in the springtime right before she died?

We'd bought it when we planned on going to the ballet a week before Christmas, and I remember Calvin saying he'd take me in memory of her.

But as hard as I try, I can't fucking remember it. Hardly any of it.

Wait, I do remember we'd gotten into a big fight around that time. The vision of his hard voice, and him yelling at me tickles at my memory, but that's it. It goes dark once I have a taste.

It's obvious that Caleb has been through something vile. But he won't talk about it. I want to call him a hypocrite, and demand to know why the hell he's got me seeing a psychiatrist and a therapist when he won't even talk about his trauma. But he expects me to?

No. I'm done with men expecting things from me.

Ignoring the cold, I angrily slam through the screen door, leaving the dogs in the kitchen as I race across the frosty grass to the shed.

I push through the door and my steps slow as I enter a giant space with wood floors, exposed beams, long work tables full of cabinets, and stacks of wood.

Sawhorses line the walls, as well as tools of all kinds.

A cast iron fireplace is roaring in the back giving the place plenty of warmth and light.

Caleb stands before an enormous table polishing a wooden door with a shiny brass knob.

He doesn't even turn to look at me. I come up behind him, stopping above six feet shy as I attempt to rally myself so I don’t lose my nerve to confront him.

But I’m worried for nothing; he doesn't even turn his head to acknowledge I'm behind him.

"Tamryn, I need space. Leave me alone."

Fuck that. "I want you to fucking talk to me about it!" I say angrily, crossing my arms.

Caleb throws down the towel and then turns to rest his hips against the work table, folding his arms and leveling me with a hard stare. "Well then, you're going to be wanting for a long, long time, Tam. I wouldn't hold your breath."

I narrow my eyes, walking until I'm about three feet away and then tilting my head up. "If you won't talk to me about shit, then I'm not talking to you about anything. I refuse to give you my trust without something in return. I've been there, done that, and I won't tolerate it anymore!"

A muscle ticks in his jaw, and wary eyes flicker over my face but I don't back down.

"Tam, stop pushing me."

"No." I lift my chin. "Maybe that's what the fuck's wrong with you.

Whatever happened sits inside you fucking festering and you refuse to talk about it.

That's what happened to him!" I shout, my eyes welling up with tears.

"He got so full of his bullshit that it leaked out and covered everything. Covering me! Staining me!"

I suck in a sharp breath that almost chokes me, and the features in his face go tight as I unleash it all on him.

"He fucking had daddy issues, and he used that to get close to me, and then he fucked me over with my trauma because he was traumatized.

And I fucking refuse to let you do that to me!

So, If I'm going to fucking heal, then so are you!

Or so help me God Caleb, we're going to kill each other trying!

" I stop, gasping, my heart trying to fly out of my chest. “I-I will kill you, Caleb.”

His eyes flash with something akin to curiosity as he cocks his head to the side. "Careful, sweetheart. Only one of us knows how it feels to take a life."

And it's not you.

The message in his eyes is clear without him saying it.

I snap, all my pent up emotion bubbling up out of me. All my worry and anxiety coming up like word vomit. Stomping towards him, I close the remaining distance between us and raise my fists.

"I hate you!" I scream at him, pounding my fists into his chest and pushing with all my might. He doesn't move an inch until I haul back and slap him across the face.

He turns his face back to me then steps forward, snatching me up by my upper arms so hard I lift completely off the ground.

As my feet dangle, I stare at him defiantly, my lips pursed tight, my brow drawn low, and my eyes narrowed.

I try to kick him, but he turns and sets me on the door he'd been polishing, and then flips me to my front.

I gasp, reaching an arm forward to crawl, but he yanks my shoes off and then my pants and underwear, before grabbing the bottle of oil off to the side, and then squirts it on my ass.

His hand slaps my asscheek hard before rubbing the burn away.

But before I can stay anything, his face is down there, and he's eating me from the back.

Growling and sucking at me so hard my stomach clenches and a weak, whimpering moan escapes my lips.

My forehead hits the door as I wail helplessly as he sucks at my sensitive flesh.

"You hate me now?" he growls from between my legs, giving my clit a nip that sends me headfirst into an orgasm.

I scream, shocked, and fall over to my side, but he just yanks me back to my knees and licks me slowly into another one, making me take so long to orgasm I begin to rock on the door, shamelessly humping his face.

He drags his fingers through my juices and then slides one inside my ass.

"Calleeebbbb!" I whine.

"How about now?"

I shake my head. Oh god.

His finger feels so good as it thrusts in and out of me. Then he puts another one in.

"Ohhhhhh, fuccckkkk," I moan, tossing my head back as my body lights up everywhere, the feel of him is nothing like I’ve ever experienced. He makes my body light up everywhere.

Even my anger shines brighter.

"What's the matter, baby? Huh? You got something you want to talk about? You don't like it when you're forced to face something you don't want to?"

I chance a look over my shoulder, narrowing my eyes at him. "I'm going to fucking leave you if you don't talk to me. I'm going to walk out that door and never come back!" My head whips forward and I yelp and wiggle as he spreads my ass mercilessly.

I convulse on the table as I begin to sweat, my hair sticking to my scalp and chest as he starts beating his hand in and out of me hard.

My back arches as he tilts his head under me and sucks my clit back into his mouth.

The minute his warm, wet tongue swirls around me I arch my back hard, screaming hoarsely through another orgasm.

I fall flat to my back when he flips me back over. Whimpering when he slides an arm under my back and then yanks me back up and then lifts me up to settle my ass over the doorknob.

My eyes fly to his and my face goes so beet red I feel faint.

"W-Wait-"

He gives me a short head shake, his eyes hard on mine.

"No. You got the nerve to say you hate me after I fucking killed for you.

Killed for you," Caleb breathes, a muscle in his face twitching as he groans deep in his chest when his thick fingers find my clit and roll it.

"I'm going to give you something to really think about.

Telling me you're going to leave me?" He grunts, getting an inch from my face.

"You won't be able to fucking open a goddamn door for the rest of your life without thinking about me, woman. "

His arm is tight around me, refusing to let me wiggle, and suspending me just above the knob so the round edge just kisses the entrance to my ass.

My mouth opens in a silent scream as my eyes stay riveted between my legs.

His other hand flicks and circles my clit fast, his eyes narrowing at me as I jerk in his arms.

For long moments he pushes me mercilessly to an orgasm, and when it finally hits, I tilt my head back and scream when the first clasps hit as he bears me down on the knob. My scream turns even more so high pitched when my throbbing flesh opens up, sucking in the smooth, round knob.

I jerk against him as I break out into a sweat, feeling it roll down the valley of my breasts, and in response my nipples pull unbearably tight.

Caleb makes a rough sound in his chest and then snatches my legs apart, notches the tip of his cock to my pussy, and then leans in to press his chest to mine and wraps his hands around the edge of the door behind me until we’re plastered to each others fronts without even a millimeter of breathing room between us.

He puts the tip of his nose to mine and then slams his hips forward so hard the door lifts off the table and then slams back down with a loud, echoing bang.

My eyes roll in the back of my head and I tighten down on him hard as he begins a rough, slapping pace that has me screaming his name.

I lower my head to look down between us in disbelief.

I can feel his thick cock rubbing against the knob stuck in my ass, and I begin to gasp, almost panicked at how strong my pleasure is.

I shake my head, meeting his eyes. "No! No, Caleb, don't make me-"

"Shut. The. Fuck. Up." He punctuates each word with a harder thrust than the last, until the burn mixes with my pleasure and causes me to arch my back, spreading my knees even further for him.

"Look at you. So filthy for me. Don't even know what to do other than take it.

" Fisting his hand roughly in the back of my hair, he jerks my head up so I can meet his eyes.

Sweat dots on his brow, and moves down his neck to stain the collar of his shirt, and the muscles are tight in his face as he leans in so close our lips are touching.

"Tell me, do you fucking hate me now, sweetheart? "

I shake my head. "N-No."

I gasp as he slaps my face lightly. "Say it louder."

"No!"

He leans into my face, his lip curling as his eyes flash with anger. "You say that shit again I will make you pay."

He tears into me. Battering my pussy so roughly that I know I have no hope of walking later.

My toes curl as he beats into me. Our bodies make little slapping sounds that drive me wild and my desire to impossible heights.

He keeps his hand tangled in my hair so he can stare into my eyes.

My body burns with pleasure, my ass pulses around the knob inside me, and my pussy aches, clenching around how thick his cock is.

It’s so good.

The muscles in his arms are swollen and straining, as is his chest as he pounds me so hard the entire shed is filled with the sounds of hard, unrelenting sex.

Slap. Slap. Slap. Slap.

"Y-Yes!" I scream over and over, the words coming out garbled and strained as he fucks me like this is the last chance he'll ever get.

The next orgasm levels me; I go completely limp in his arms, resting my head on his chest as he beats out his frustration into my body.

He slings his hips forward one more time so hard I come halfway off the knob and then whimper, feeling lash after hot lash of his semen emptying inside me.

When he's done, he pulls me slowly off the knob and I bury my face deep into his neck, feeling ashamed.

His lips press against the top of my head. "I'm sorry," he whispers.

I tilt my head back and nibble my bottom lip.

Out of all the things I would have expected him to say, “I’m sorry” wasn’t even in the top five.

Seeing my vulnerable Caleb come back, I can't help the smile that breaks free.

It's my first real smile in so long I almost don't trust my face to look right.

Because this man just fucked me with a doorknob. Who does that?

We do, apparently.

Something flushes warm in my chest, flinging me off center.

'Was I too rough?" he asks, running a hand down my hair. Genuine concern fills his eyes, and I roll my lips, feeling bashful. The fact he even cares enough to check in with me afterwards tells me everything I need to know about him.

I shake my head but then twist my lips.

"Uhm… no, but….do you...do that often?" He chuckles, and dare I say it a blush goes across his face?

It's cute. My brows scrunch together as he indeed does get a shy expression.

It's adorable. I touch his face. "What?" I laugh quietly, tilting my head so I can look him in the eye, shyness be damned.

"No, sweetheart, I don't. I can't say I've ever done that before. I'm sorry if it was too much. If it's not your thing we don't ever have to do it again," he says, his words coming out rapidly as his hand strokes almost too worrisomely over my hair as he fusses over me.

He's really worried about me.

I blink, dazed at how bashful he's being. "That's okay," I giggle. "I've never had hate sex before. So I can cross that off my bucket list now."

Caleb lowers his head, laughing as he shudders a deep breath. "Oh fuck." He lifts his head and then his eyes soften as he tucks some hair behind my ear. "Let's go get in the shower. We'll talk."

I nod shyly, hiding a smile against my shoulder and looking through my lashes at him as he works to get my pants back on and my shoes. He has to carry me back to the house, and when he starts the shower, I take his hand and step in with him.