Page 20 of In You

I Was A Child

Caleb

"I was a child, and s-she was a child-"

My heart breaks in half at the sight of Tamryn curled up in a fetal position rocking on the floor. Helpless, I sit flush down on the floor with her and listen to her recite the most depressing poem ever written in life. The lines of the poem are dispersed in between guttural pleas for her mom.

I am absolutely in hell, but I don't dare touch her right now, or move to leave the room.

"In a kingdom b-by the s-s-seaaaa…." she stammers as she cries, sounding like she's being tortured from the inside out.

When she's tired herself out so much that she's hiccuping and has run through that poem about ten times, I look over at her and place my hand ever so gently to her ankle.

"He's gone, Camilla." I say in a soft tone as to not startle her. "He's dead. He can't hurt you anymore."

Her eyes slide to mine, swollen and red. "Savior?" she says in a weak voice, wetting her lips. Her eyes are so dark and haunted that I want to cry with her.

Throat tight, I nod my head, feeling myself melt. "Yeah, honey. I'm right here."

Her eyes squeeze back shut, her fingers spread when she holds her arm out, searching for me.

Half terrified out of my mind, I place my hand into hers, and then dare to pull her to me.

I'm so fucking exhausted, and she's so limp that it's difficult and slow going with her cast, but by some grace of God I settle her next to me on the bed.

Feeling ashamed I can't even pull her on top of me like a man would.

Her head lolls on my shoulder, and she falls back into an exhausted sleep.

When I try to pull from her, she claws her fingers into my neck.

I settle my back into the headboard and take a deep breath, wrestling the tangled covers over us only to wake up four hours later to a text from Alexander that he's headed to us from the airport.

Exhausted, I look down at her sweet face, still asleep, wondering if she finally found peace.

Or if she's dreaming of the sea.

One hundred thirteen thousand, and eighty four men.

That's my body count. One of the highest I know.

There's so much blood on my hands that my consciousness is thrumming to life with it even as my soul is weighed down with the responsibility of my actions. And not one of those men, if asked to describe me, the man who killed them, would ever count "savior" in any description.

But she does.

Even knowing what I did to Calvin and Joseph, and it's a heavy burden I will carry for the rest of my life.

I flip the eggs in the skillet, checking my watch to make sure we have enough time to eat before Alexander's arrival.

Trying to cover all my bases here, I have two pans going; one with fried eggs, one with scrambled eggs, and a pot of boiled eggs.

There's a little dish with softened butter on the side, and some jelly on the table with a spreader spoon that was my sister's.

There's fancy oat bread in the toaster because I was not chancing making bacon or sausage after what happened last night, but something doesn't feel right about serving Tamryn just plain eggs for breakfast.

Setting them to the side, I make my way down the hallway and find her sitting up in bed, blinking sleepily like she'd just woken up.

And I wonder how much of the night she remembers, if any.

I know I remember every second of it. Her screaming out for her mom fucks me up in ways I didn't know were possible.

I eye the little bags under her eyes, her washed out complexion, and feel a twinge of pity for her.

"Hey, sweetheart," I call in a low voice, placing my shoulder against the door trim. "You sleep good?"

"Yesss." She yawns, stretching her arm so hard that I hear her back pop and see the color of her nipples through the white of the tank.

I rub a hand against my mouth, wrestling my common sense back into place when my neglected cock hardens, and clear my throat.

"I slept better than I have in a long time. This bed is so comfortable."

"Good, you deserve to sleep well.” I bring up a hand to rub my neck, wondering when the next peaceful night of sleep is coming for me.

Seems like I’m not going to get it for a while.

“Hey, I got breakfast ready, and wanted to let you know the psychiatrist is on his way.

He should be here in about an hour. That should be plenty of time to eat if you don't take too long washing up. I got you a toothbrush in there and another set of clothes. My pajama bottoms this time, since you’ll be meeting with a man. "

Her eyes flick to mine. The color comes to her cheeks, and I realize too late how possessive I just came across.

"Thanks. I'll be right there."

I nod, pushing off the door and then striding back into the kitchen to feed the dogs and wait for her.

Exactly an hour later she's eaten the fried eggs and three pieces of toast slathered in butter and strawberry jam, licking the tip of her forefinger when my phone goes off with the first alarm.

I look at it, seeing Alexander's on the property.

"Alright, he's almost here. You ready?"

She nods, turning in her seat to face me when I carry our dishes to the sink. I put them in, turning on hot water and pouring dish soap in to suds up. "But, Caleb, what am I meeting with a psychiatrist for?"

It's enough to let me know I'm talking to Tamryn this morning.

Acting fast, I grab her pill bottle and open it, setting it in front of her.

As she takes her pain pill I consider my next words carefully, not sure if it'll trigger her and not wanting to cause her mental distress right before Alexander gets here. But, I decide she deserves the truth.

Who knows how long she's been lied to?

I go back to the sink, reaching in to drain the water, glancing over my shoulder. "Because, you have been through a horrendous amount of abuse, and this is the best man in his field. He can help you."

A muscle in her face twitches, and she looks down at the floor between our feet before bringing her eyes slowly back to mine. "But I'm...I was…" she trails off.

I turn, leaning my hips on the counter and then take a few seconds to wipe my hands off as I study her.

"I know neither of us know each other very well, but I have noticed there's something going on with you mentally. We just want to check you out to make sure we aren't missing anything, sweetheart. I'm asking you to trust me. Just like I'm trusting you."

Her brows shoot up. "Trusting me?" I nod. "How do you mean you're trusting me?" She blinks rather blankly, letting me know she isn't connecting the dots.

Folding the dish towel neatly, I place it on the counter and take four very slow steps toward her and then lean down, putting my hands on either side of her chair and bringing myself to her eye level.

"Because I'm your savior," I say simply, leaning forward to place my lips ever so softly to the top of her head.

She inhales sharply, tensing up under me. But I needed to get that out of the way before the evaluation so that it could be fresh in her mind for when Alexander asks his questions. It's selfish as fuck, but I'd like to know how safe it'd be to start a sexual relationship with her. And when.

I'll wait. But I'm ashamed to say I'm hungry for sex. With her.

My need for this woman is eating away at me.

My alarm dings again, and I pull away from her to grab it and head to the front. "When we're done, Suzanne should be by with some clothes."

"Who's Suzanne?" she asks, but I'm already stepping out the front door, leaving it open and settling myself in a rocking chair on the porch, lighting up a cigarette.

I'm not usually a smoker, but by the time he's pulling down the gravel road I've finished over half of it. Anxious energy that has more to do than Tamryn's situation flows through me, vibrating within my body and dredging up old memories I'd rather stay buried.

I don't like psychiatrists, that's why I hired the best of the best. I needed to give her a fighting chance.

Alexander pulls up to the house in a black Mercedes and steps out looking clean shaven in a three piece suit and tie. Tall, and with a distinctive jaw line, he exudes professionalism and confidence galore that looks so out of place against the backdrop of my woods it's almost laughable.

I frown, thinking he looks like an actor I've seen somewhere. His light brown hair is tamed into an elegant style, his muscles fill in his suit, and he of course walks with the swagger of a man used to wealth. City guy.

Not able to help myself, I scoff.

Fuck me.

When he spots me he takes off his sunglasses. Every muscle in my body locks down, and my hackles immediately raise at how fucking ice cold his blue eyes are, but Ringo simply picks his head up to look at him, thumping his tail a couple times before going back to bird watching.

If Ringo's okay with him, he must be alright then.

"Caleb Bowers?" he calls sharply, tugging at the lapel of his suit. I snuff out the cigarette and then walk to the top of the steps, holding out my hand as he bounds up them easily, able to take two at a time his legs are so long.

"The one and only."

He pauses for a moment, giving me a slow once over.

I clear my throat and try not to let it bother me that he's checking out my body language, but he takes his eyes smoothly from mine to look through the opened front door towards where Tamryn sits.

A breeze brings with it the smell of fall tinged with the dust he picked up on his way in.

"She doing okay today?"

I nod. "Yeah, I think she was Tamryn for most of our breakfast," I explain, keeping my voice low. He stays still while Ringo and Tink sniff around his feet and legs, getting an amused look on his face as he squats down to pet them.

"It's a shame I'm too busy for pets," he says wistfully. I grunt as he looks up at me with a little smile. "I'm gone too much for work, you see."

I like him immediately. He looks like a cold ass villain, but he's really just a softie deep inside.

Jerking my head towards the door, I take the lead. "You can hang your suit jacket right here." I point to the coat rack and fold my arms as he puts his briefcase on the floor to do just that.

"Thanks."

When he turns his back to me for a moment, I look down trying not to be judgmental, but I do a little assessment of my own.

His shoes are leather and he looks impeccable, nothing like how someone usually looks when they step off a red eye.

And for a moment, I worry that Alexander's going to remind Tamryn too much of Calvin.

"Hey, uh, take your tie off, and roll up the sleeves of your dress shirt a little, yeah? I don't want you accidentally bringing up any bad memories."

He gives me a smile as he does so, even going so far as to run his fingers through his hair, messing it up a little. I give him a very toned down approving grin back, relieved he's not a rigid asshole and will listen to me. The other psychiatrist I've had dealings with didn't.

I lead the way into the living room, being sure to go around the couch the long way so she doesn't feel snuck up on from behind. Tamryn looks over her shoulder and locks eyes with me before sliding them to Alexander, and just like I knew she would, she visibly stiffens. Frowning.

If his smile from outside was whiskey, Alexander gives her what I would consider to be a flat-water version. He doesn't lay on the charm at all. Stopping about two feet shy of her, he adopts an eerily sober demeanor, despite how I just made him dress down, and he holds his hand out to her.

"Hi, Tamryn, how are you? My name is Dr. Alexander Richardson."

She tucks her hair behind her ear and then glances down at his hand, making no move to touch him. Her eyes slide to mine for a second, then back to his before turning wary. "How do I know you're a doctor?"

Something clicks; Tamryn is extremely mistrustful of her medical health it seems like. She wouldn't take her pills unless it had her name, and she wouldn't let Dr. Riviera x-ray her until she saw all the equipment laid out.

Alexander puts his hand down and then looks at me. "Can you pull up a streaming service?"

"Yeah, why?"

"I want you to pull up my last conference, please." He sits in a leather chair, crossing his legs, seemingly patient as hell.

I grab the TV remote and settle on the couch across from Tamryn who's refusing to stop staring at me. It only takes less than a minute to find what I'm looking for as the conference in question pops right on up when I type his name in the search bar. He's that prolific.

Tamryn's eyes go wide, and her lips part at the sight of Alexander speaking in front of thousands of people in a packed stadium.

Sporting that same confident swagger. The clip plays for a couple seconds, but it's long enough for me to know that this man is something more elevated than your regular psychiatrist. But I guess that's why he's speaking to a packed stadium.

And I also guess Tamryn's thoughts mirror mine, because she tenses up. "I can't afford you!" she squeaks, putting terrified eyes to him.

I clear my throat. "Uh no, sweetheart. It's on me."

Tamryn looks at me with a baffled expression. "You can't afford him either!" She gives me wide eyes, tilting her head towards him but points to the television. "Look at him," she whispers.

My brow raises as a disbelieving snort sounds out through my nose. Leaning forward, I wink at her. "I see him, sweetheart. I just want to know, when you were able to snoop and look at my bank account, did you like all the zeros you saw?"

She flushes almost beet red and then turns her face from mine, rolling her lips. At first I think I've greatly offended her, but when her eyes cut back to mine, I see a hint of life in them. A clearer hint of Tamryn the woman, not Camilla the victim.

"I'm being rude, I'm sorry. I'll go get you a glass of water, and give you two time to talk.

" Rising off the couch, I step into the kitchen right as he's getting her basic information, and spend a hilariously long time making a cucumber infused water.

I grab three glasses and the pitcher, coming back into the living room right as they're finishing intake.

Alexander's speaking softly to her, so I stay quiet when I put the glasses down on the wooden table and begin pouring.

"So, Tamryn," Alexander says, tapping a spot on his electronic notebook. "Tell me about your childhood."

"My name is Camilla."

My heart freezes, and my eyes squeeze shut with pity.

Fuck.

I hand her glass first, then turn to Alexander, seeing a soft look on his face as he stays single-mindedly focused on Tamryn.

"Alright," he says in an easy tone. Not the least perturbed about the personality switch. "Tell me about your childhood, Camilla."