Page 51 of In You

I Promise

Tamryn

It's a lazy Sunday morning five months to the day after we'd found out I was pregnant, and I'm in the shed with Caleb.

Trying to paint a little watercolor canvas for baby Tris, admiring my wedding ring, and shooing Tink away when she tries to sniff the paint and sneezes.

It's been a few days since we said "I do," and I'm still on a high from how perfect our wedding was. Intimate.

Very us.

Frank was there, as well as Caleb's friend Colin and his wife Olivia. I like her. And though we don't live close, I'm hopeful that we can be friends even if it's long distance.

"Hey, Caleb?" I call softly, looking over at him several feet away carving a design into the new door he'd been working on. Part of me wants to leave him in peace, but the other part of me really needs what I'm getting ready to ask for, even if it disturbs his work.

"Yeah?" he says, looking up with an arched brow and running a hand through his thick hair, disheveling it even more. "What's up, my love?"

"Can we go to the store?"

The corner of his mouth tips up as he gives me a mischievous look. He really is so handsome. "You having a crazy pregnancy craving again?"

I smile, touching my hand to my swollen belly. At seven months pregnant, I'm showing a great deal, and Caleb has been doting on me every chance he gets. So far he's been the perfect, loving partner, and is shaping up to be the perfect, protective father. I'm not surprised about that at all.

But I am a little surprised he won't let me raise my arms above my head anymore. Or really do anything that means I’m not relaxing.He doesn't even like me to cook with the cast iron skillets. Pregnancy hasn't been hard. At seven months along, I feel great. Just like I did before I became pregnant.

Well, except for one thing; I crave sex every day. Sometimes multiple times a day, and Caleb is more than happy to oblige me. We spend more time outside of our clothes than in them. He's had to fix the frame on our bed more times than I can count because the screws keep coming loose.

I told him to put the mattress on the floor, but he's not having it.

"No." I shake my head, walking to where he sits and put my hands on his chest, tilting my head up to look at him when his hands smooth over mine. "I wanna go visit my mom. I need to talk to her."

Just then, baby Tris kicks me hard, making my eyes go round with wonder.

The same anxiety that used to be present when I would bring up my mom isn't there anymore after these last few months Caleb has spent in therapy, trying to heal from the past abuse from his mom, and then the stress of my dissociative disorder.

He's been taking each day in stride. His nightmares are few and far between.

He doesn't bathe with bleach anymore, we can have any cleaning product in the house I desire, and I can more freely talk about my mom without seeing that tortured look on his face.

But the worry is still there that he'll relapse into his old habits, or have a bad day. I worry about walking in on him drinking bleach, just like he worries with me for things he won't give a name to.

I'm still switching between alters a lot more than my specialists like. My fear over being a parent is getting the better of me the closer we get to my due date, which is why I feel like I need my mom.

I need to talk to her.

Caleb’s brows raise and he tilts his head, his eyes flickering between mine as a sober look graces his face.

He heaves a deep sigh as he puts his tools down.

"Of course." Brushing his hands off on the small towel he keeps tucked into his pants when we're out here, he walks over to me, pressing a soft kiss to my lips.

"Let me just wash up, and then we can leave whenever you're ready. "

"I love you," I say, feeling those butterflies rumbling around, along with baby Tris' little fluttering kicks.

Caleb lowers his hand to my belly so he can feel, but he keeps his eyes on me. "Not as much as I love you, my beautiful wife."

I smile, melting a little more for him. "Okay. Let me go get changed into a dress and we can go."

Forty minutes later, I turn my head to face him and put my hand on his when we reach the city limits. "Hey, can we actually stop somewhere real quick before we go to the cemetery?"

He smiles at me, kissing my knuckles. "Whatever you want, love."

"Are you absolutely sure you want to do this?" Caleb asks, resting a hand on my lower back where he presses into the slight ache there. "We don't have to. We can leave right now if you're uncomfortable."

I stay silent for a second while we stand in front of the flower shop, the same one from a couple years ago where I met Calvin.

The one where my life turned upside down, and is just now starting to right itself.

I don't know why it had to be this one, really.

We passed by two perfectly fine shops to get here, but I insisted it had to be this one.

I vowed I'd always try to face my demons head on, and we're starting with this flower shop.

The one I probably should have walked away from all those months ago, but I didn't. Listening to the voices inside my head instead.

"Yes." I'm determined to not let the past ruin my future. And I miss seeing Vanessa.

I push my way through the door, waving excitedly when I see Vanessa. A flash of deja vu hits me as she waves back at me, and I smile at the sight of another really cool hair color, though this cut is longer than the last time I'd seen her.

"Hey, Tamryn!" she gasps, getting a wide smile on her face.

"It's so good to see you! Where've you been?

It's been so long!" She bounces in her shoes behind the register, and that smile somehow becomes even brighter when she spots Caleb, flicking her eyes up and down his body playfully making her forget she asked me a question.

"Ohh, who are you? Aren't you handsome?"

I tsk my tongue when Caleb huffs a shy laugh and then wraps his hand around my waist. "Now, now. Down girl," I tease.

Walking over to the display of bouquets I pick a simple one, thinking she'd like it. When we get to the register, I place it down carefully and then pull out me and Caleb's joint credit card. "Vanessa, I'd like you to meet Caleb."

“Nice to meet you, Vanessa.” Caleb holds out his hand to shake hers, however he's very subdued.

Not having the outward charisma that Calvin possessed that had all the ladies swooning over him.

No, Caleb stays close, quiet, and watchful.

He's not rude though, he asks her a couple questions about how long she's owned the shop and if she does delivery.

Questions I could have answered, but again, he doesn't want to appear socially inept, something else me and him have vowed to start working on. Getting him out of his comfort zone.

Eager to get going, we pay, and then are off to the cemetery in record time. When we idle to a stop between the usual two oak trees, I turn my head to look at him.

"Hey, um…" I nibble my bottom lip, and fuss with my bracelets anxiously. "Do you mind if I do this by myself this time? I won't be long."

His eyes soften, and he puts a hand to my nape, squeezing and pulling me into him carefully so as to not crush the flowers in my lap. "Of course you can. Take all the time you need. Tell her hi from me."

Did I mention how easy going he is? It's hard to think he moonlit as a vigilante for decades.

Caleb leans the seat back and puts the station on a talk network as I get out, making my way the short distance to my mom's gravestone.

I keep waiting for the tears of mind numbing pain to come, or feelings of nausea, but right now I just feel at peace.

It's still sad though, but it's a quiet acceptance now whereas I don't think I had that before.

I didn't even get a chance to grieve before Calvin started abusing me.

I look back over my shoulder and see Caleb's still in my line of sight before bending to place the flowers at her gravestone.

"Hey, momma. It's Tamryn," I whisper as I stand back up.

Feeling my hands begin to shake, I clasp them together.

"I haven't brought you flowers since….since…

" I trial off, feeling my eyes well with tears of guilt.

"Since the last time I was here. But I want you to know how much I love you, and I haven't forgotten you.

I've just been busy growing a little baby.

" I put my fingers to my tummy and rub. "You're gunna be a grandma," I say, my voice shaking with nerves.

"And she's got the best father. I just want you to know that.

" I half-laugh, tucking a lock of hair behind my ear. "We broke the cycle, mom. We did it."

A breeze picks up, ruffling my hair and whipping my dress around my legs, and I swear it feels like her special caress.

Tears fall down my cheek, and I wipe them away.

"She's a girl, and we're naming her Tris.

Even though you won't be able to meet her, I'll tell her all about you.

Tell her all the same stories you used to read to me at night.

" I go quiet, wondering how I'm going to do this without her.

I feel like my world didn't end when Calvin sunk his claws into me, no, it ended when my mom died.

"I promise that I'm going to be the best mom," I promise quietly.

"Just like you did everything in your power to make me feel safe, I promise to do the same thing for her too, don't you worry!

" Leaning forward, I press a kiss to my fingertips and then caress her headstone lightly.

"Bye, momma. I won't stay gone too long this time, I promise. "

I walk back to the car, and once I'm in, I lean my head on Caleb's chest and cry.

"Thank you," I whisper. "Thank you."