Page 98 of Hate You Up Close

My nostrils flare as I angrily type out a text.

Elliot. Call me.

He replies immediately.

Gotta run to the next meeting. Have a fun day. Text me if you need anything. I’ll see you tonight, Ms. Taylor.

“Ughhh,” I groan before plopping back down on the mattress.

I could spend my day prying while trying to figure out what he has planned, but I would just be wasting my time. Elliot is just as stubborn as me. He won’t tell me until he’s ready.

Even though I absolutely despise surprises, I have to admit…I’m ecstatic about having the day off in San Diego. In theory, it’s actually kind of romantic that Elliot gave me the day to explore. But it’s ruined by the fact that he did it because he doesn't want me around Thomas.

But also…Am I crazy for thinking that it’s kind of sweet that he doesn't want me around Thomas? I have a feeling that if I would have been there today, any chances of us securing a deal would have gone out the window. Because if Thomas were to look at me the wrong way, Elliot might actually lose control and kill the guy.

My chest feels all flippy when I think about how possessive Elliot is of me. Is he thinking about me right now? Replaying last night like I am?

Oh god. I am a masochist.

I need to get out of this bed before the memory of Elliot’s lips and hands all over my naked body sends me into a complete spiral.

Minutes later, I’m standing under the shower as hot water washes down my skin. The glass wall isn't completely fogged up, so I can still see myself in the mirror across the bathroom. I press my forehead against the glass as I take in my blurry reflection in the steamy mirror.

My creamy skin is marked with bites and bruises, trailing from my collarbones to my breasts, and finally down to my thighs. My lips are still red and swollen, painted a natural crimson from all of Elliot’s kisses. My belly feels hollow and achy, but not because I’m hungry for breakfast. I want to be filled in the way that I was last night, devoured by Elliot’s lips, teeth, and tongue.

Last night wasn't enough. I don’t think anything could ever be enough when it comes to Elliot Thompson.

I wish I could have seen him naked. I wish I could have felt his hot skin rubbing against mine. I wonder what his coarse, rough hairs would feel like scratching against my smooth flesh.

I don’t know what he has planned for us tonight, but I hope to God that he puts me out of my misery. Because I don’t think I would survive wondering what it would feel like to have him thrusting inside of me for the rest of my life. Even if I had him only once, at least I would know. It wouldn't be enough, but I would know.

It’s crazy how fast a switch can flip, isn't it? How fast things can change.

I was supposed to be on a date with Zach last night, but I ended up in bed with Elliot.

I had planned to break Elliot…To bring him to his knees. But I didn't plan on him literally dropping to his knees before me and worshiping my body with his mouth and hands.

I’m supposed to hate Elliot. Iwantto despise him. But what I feel for him is far from hate. And if I were to hate him for something, it would be for that. For making me—a girl who has lived her entire life protecting her heart—see the good in someone like Elliot.

I think everything changed for me the night that I picked him up from the bar. He just looked so…broken. He looked like me at my lowest of lows. Lost, lonely, and begging for a person to call home.

Because at the end of the day, a city isn't home. An apartment isn’t home. Home is the people you surround yourself with…the people that just get you. Home is a person who will stick by your side, even when you’re belligerently drunk and throwing up on the sidewalk.

I think that’s the night that everything changed for Elliottoo. I could see it in his eyes. Even in his drunken state, his gold-flecked irises sparkled when he met my gaze, like he was mesmerized that I was there to take care of him. It had been so long since someone had taken care of him, since anyone truly attempted to see past his golden boy exterior and peer into his guarded heart.

And when I asked him about his past…I could barely stand the pain etched into his beautiful face. I just wish I knew what happened to him. I wish I could take it all away because, deep down, I know that’s holding him back from truly living. He can’t let it go, so he tortures himself instead.

Something terrible happened, and he blames himself. His entire life he’s secluded himself. He pushes people away because he’s afraid of hurting them.

I’ve wanted to ask him so many times why he cheated on Skylar, but I think I already know the answer.

He was trying to push her away. Even if it was unintentional in the moment, subconsciously, he was distancing himself. He realized that she was only months from marrying him and committing to spending the rest of her days with his inner demons. There’s no excuse for what he did. But I feel like cheating was his sick way ofsavingher from his destruction.

I’m happy that Skylar found happiness, but I also don’t understand how she walked away.

I’ve only known Elliot for a few short months, but I think it would kill me to walk away.

He’s fire…and whiskey…and leather…Everything that brings a barren room to life. He’s just a little broken for some reason.