Page 110 of Hate You Up Close

When we finally part for air, I slide out of her and roll the condom off my spent shaft. I tie it off and toss it down to the floor.

God, what I would give to fuck her bare. And that thought should scare the shit out of me because Idon’tfuck without a condom. Never.

I was with Skylar for three years, and we always used a condom. I never wanted to risk passing along my reckless genes to an innocent child. I’ve already done enough harm during my time on this earth.

But with Roxanne, I want it all. I want nothing between us. No barriers. I want her in the most raw, tender, and primal way.

If I ever allowed myself to have a happy ending, it would be with her. She’s the only person my soul sings for. For the first time in years, I wake up every morning and look forward to my day. I look forward to seeing her.

But wanting her isn't enough to keep her. I have to save her. She’s too perfect…Too special to be tied down with someone like me. As much as it fucking kills me to admit, she deserves better than what I can give her.

Roxanne pulls me from my thoughts as she slowly turns around and cups my face between her palms.

She places featherlight kisses to my forehead, eyebrows, nose, cheeks, and finally, my lips.

God, she wrecks me. I’m absolutely fucking wrecked.

I might as well rip my heart out of my chest and hand it to Roxanne because it only beats for her.

“Come here,” she whispers, laying back on the mattress and pulling me down with her.

I roll us so she’s lying on top of me with my flaccid cock pressed between our bodies.

I skim my fingertips up and down her back, loving the way her smooth skin stretches beneath my touch. She’s running her fingers through my hair, staring down at me like I’m the most precious thing to ever exist. We’re completely entranced by one another, speechless almost.

“If it were anyone, it would be you. You know that, right?”I think to myself.

She tilts her head to the side, her brows furrowing.

“What?” she asks.

Oh shit.I didn't mean to say that out loud.

“Nothing,” I shake my head, swallowing down the lump in my throat.

Her eyes flicker between mine for a beat before she responds.

“It can be me, Elliot,” she whispers, brushing the pads of her thumbs along my jaw. “You’re allowed to be happy.”

She heard me. She heard every word.

“Shower with me?” I mutter, changing the subject.

Instead of pushing, she smiles softly and kisses my cheek.

“Yes,” she nods.

I love that she’s so patient with me, but I also hate it. I hate her tenderness because it makes it so much harder to push her away. When she’s so caring and understanding like this…It’simpossibleto push her away.

So I brush my lips against hers, cradle her in my arms, and carry her into the shower with me. I wash, kiss, and memorize every inch of her skin.

I savor her like she’s my last breath, fearing that my lungs will die along with my heart when she’s gone.

TWENTY-TWO

Roxy

My fingers draw lazy lines against Elliot’s naked chest as the sun begins to break through the skyline.