Page 154 of Hate You Up Close

His eyes flick between mine, and his brows knit together in sorrow.

“Roxy…” he mutters. “You have every right to be upset. And I’m not trying to make excuses for him. But I’ve never seen him like this before. He’s hit rock bottom.”

“My heart breaks for him, Everett,” I admit. “But I’m also hurt…and angry. I don’t understand why he won’t talk to me. Not even one text.”

He nods in sympathy.

“He won’t talk to anyone,” he replies without hesitation. “Not even our parents. I’m the only one he’s communicating with right now.”

I hang my head, trying to hide my disappointment.

“But that hurts, Everett,” I rasp. “Because I used to be the person that he would talk to abouteverything.Iwas his safe haven. I was his person. And now, I feel like I’m nothing to him—”

“No,” Everett retorts, cutting me off. “You areeverythingto him, Roxy. That’s why I’m here right now.Hesent me here…to give you this.”

My eyes widen as Everett reaches into his pocket and slides a folded sheet of paper across my desk. He clears his throat before continuing.

“Elliot isn’t a man of many words right now, but he wanted me to give you this note. The thing about Elliot—addicts in general—they don’t trust themselves. They can say that they’re going to change, but until they actually do, they live in constant fear of fucking up again. Do you understand what I’m trying to say?”

Instead of replying, I just stare down at the unopened note.

“He loves you, Roxy,” he continues. “He’s out of his mind in love with you. You are the one person that he wouldn’t survive losing,” he pauses as his voice cracks. “He’s trying to change…to better himself for you. He wants to give you everything, but it’s going to take time to piece himself back together. That’s why he wrote you this letter. He’s been broken for so long, Roxy. And you’re the only person who makes him feel whole.”

You’re the only person who makes him feel whole.

My eyes start to water, and my throat feels tight. All I can manage is one single nod through my tears.

Everett notices that I’m choking up and hands me a tissue from my desk.

“I...” I sniffle. “I’m sorry…”

I don’t know what to say. I can’t seem to find the words.

“You don’t have to say anything,” he says softly. “Just promise me that you’ll read the letter, okay?”

After a beat of silence, I wipe the corner of my eye and nod.

“Okay,” I whisper.

“Please, just don’t give up on him.”

Those are the last words Everett mutters to me before he leaves my office.

My hands tremble as I reach for the note and unfold it. A knot forms in my stomach as I begin reading Elliot’s handwritten words.

Roxanne,

If you’re reading this, I want to start off by letting you know how sorry I am. I should have never left you like that. I only remember bits and pieces of that night. I keep telling myself that if I wasn’t drunk off my ass, I would have never pushed you away.

But I was. And I’ve spent the majority of my adult life intoxicated. Using alcohol to numb my past. But I’ve learned that instead of helping me, it’s become my poison.

I need help, Rox. I need to put myself back together before I can give you my best. You deserve nothing less.

I’ll understand if you can’t wait for me. Idon’t pray much, but I’ve been on my hands and knees every night praying that you’ll forgive me. That once I get my shit together, you’ll let me show you how much I’ve changed.

That’s the thing…I want to show you, not just tell you.

So this is me taking the first step in a journey that will hopefully end up being my forever.