Page 103 of Hate You Up Close

“There are things about me…Things about my past that I am deeply ashamed of. At a very young age, I fucked up. I fucked up bad, Roxanne,” I add, holding her stare. “I need you to understand that. You can try all you want to figure me out but trust me, it’s not worth it.I’mnot worth it. I deserve to be dead after what I did, but instead, I’m sentenced to living a miserable life on this earth. So no, I’m not close with my brother. Or anyone else for that matter.”

My nostrils flare as I reach for my glass, tilting my head back and letting the cool bourbon burn down my throat.

“Elliot…” Roxanne says softly, placing her hand on my forearm.

I want to pull away, but I don’t. Her touch feels comforting…And I’ve craved comfort for so many years.

“Roxanne, please,” I mutter under my breath. It’s getting harder and harder for me to tell her no.

“Not tonight,” I shake my head. “I can’t do this tonight.”

Please don’t make me talk about that night. Because once I do, you’ll understand why I hate myself so much. You will hate me too. And tonight, you’re supposed to be mine, not hating me.

I’m so fucking thankful when she nods and gently squeezes my wrist.

“Okay,” she whispers. “I just want you to know that I’m here if you ever need to talk.”

“I know that, baby,” I say, giving her a soft smile.

We stare at each other for what feels like an eternity, our eyes melting into a mixture of gold and emerald. Understanding passes between us. Companionship. Concern. Comfort. Peace.

Emotions and feelings I’ve never truly experienced with another person.

When the air starts to feel too thick, I tear my eyes away and take another drink.

“So,” I exhale, ready to change the subject. I rest an arm over the back of the booth so my fingers brush against her arm. “Tell me about your day.”

She picks up the napkin from her lap, dabbing at the corners of her mouth before responding.

“First, I packed up my suitcase and made sure it was ready for the front desk.” She pauses, knitting her brows together. “By the way, why are you having them take our luggage?”

“You’ll find out,” I smirk. “Later.”

She rolls her eyes.

“What next?” I prod, slipping my hand beneath hers andintertwining our fingers together. Her eyes sparkle in the candlelight as she lowers her gaze to our joined hands.

“I had brunch at a cozy little coffee shop, did some shopping, and walked around Gaslamp Quarter. The shopping there is amazing. I swear, I could have spent all day there.”

“Sounds like you had a full schedule,” I grin. “So you had a good day, then?”

“Yeah,” she smiles and nods. “It was fun and relaxing. Just what I needed.”

“Good,” I mutter, leaning down to place a soft kiss to her cheek.

“Thank you, by the way,” she blushes. “It was nice to have the day off, especially in a new city.”

Anything you want, I would give you. Anything.

Exceptforever. I can’t do that.

“Well,” I shrug. “It’s the least I could do after canceling your dateandmaking you work on a weekend. But between you and me,” I whisper in her ear, “I don’t feel bad about canceling the date. And I’m starting to think that you’re not too mad about it either.”

“Don’t push your luck,” she jokes, nudging my shoulder again. “Anyways, how was your day?” she asks, turning the conversation back to me. “How did the meetings go with Thomas and his team?”

“Oh, I didn't tell you?” I say with a hint of sarcasm.

“Obviously not,” she replies in an annoyed tone. “What happened?”