Page 145 of Hate You Up Close

She pauses, then scoffs as if I’ve wounded her.

“Are you kidding me right now?” she asks. “First off, you’ve let me drive your car multiple times. And second, I had two small glasses of champagne. I’m not even close to tipsy. I’m completely fine. I would never get on the road if I was drunk. I know my limits…You know that.”

I thought she would have been fine, too…But she wasn't. She’s dead. Because of me.

I think Roxanne is saying something, but I don’t hear her. The vision of the accident takes over, playing through my mind like it does every night in my sleep.

I remember the exact moment I got the call. One of my friends called me from the party to let me know that she was dead. Gone. At sixteen years old, her life was over. All because I left her.

I remember how alive she looked one minute, and how cold and lifeless her body looked the next.

I couldn't live with myself if anything were to happen to Roxanne, the love of my life, at the expense of me. I wouldn't survive it.

I will just have to love her from afar.

As Roxanne repeats my name through the phone, I know what I have to do.

“Elliot!” She’s shouting now. Begging for me to answer her.

I don’t respond.

Without saying goodbye or telling her how much I love her, I hang up.

I request an Uber and pray to God that my driver gets here before Roxanne arrives. If I have to face her in person, I’m afraid I’ll never be able to let her go.

I need to get the hell out of here before I’m forced to stareinto her emerald eyes and second-guess leaving her. I can’t afford that.

More than anything in this world, I want Roxanne to be happy. I want her to live a long, fulfilling life. And if that means temporarily breaking her heart and permanently breaking mine, then I’ll do it.

Her hurt will eventually heal, meanwhile, I’ll live in hell forever.

TWENTY-NINE

Roxy

I knock firmly on the Thompsons’ door as I impatiently wait for someone to answer.

I’ve tried calling Elliot at least five times since he abruptly hung up on me. The entire drive here I tried to reach him, and each time it went straight to voicemail. He either turned his phone off or blocked me.

I have no idea what the hell is going on with him. I understand him being a little upset with me for taking his car, but he’s acting like the world is coming to an end. I was gone for less than thirty minutes to drop off a friend and now I’m back. Anyone would agree that he’s completely overreacting. It’s almost like he was…triggered by something.

The only experience I can relate this to is when Elliot found me walking home in the rain and gave me a ride. It was as if something I said set him off, and he couldn’t control his emotions.

Before I have a second to think about it any longer, the doorswings open. Everett is standing in the doorway, his brows furrowed as he braces a hand on the door frame.

“Roxy,” he exhales. “Hey…Uh, I thought Elliot would be with you.”

His statement comes out like a question.

“Why would he be with me?” I ask.

“Because I was outside with him when you called…I just figured that he was waiting for you. When he hadn't come inside yet, I thought he was still talking to you or would be walking in with you.”

“No,” I shake my head. “Elliot hung up on me. I’ve tried calling him multiple times, but I think he either blocked me or turned his phone off.”

“Fuck,” Everett sighs before running a hand through his hair.

He looks exactly how I feel…Worried, scared, and confused.