Page 120 of Hate You Up Close

I reach for my cup before taking a sip of ice-cold, sweet tea. One thing about Texas, nothing can beat their sweet tea.

“Yeah,” I nod and grin, remembering how special birthdays were to my dad. “If my birthday was during the school week, my dad would always let me take asick day. If he didn't have the PTO to take off work, he would call in sick too. We would spend the day together, and each year, it was something new. When I was younger, it was bowling, amusement parks, and movies. As I got older, we would visit new cities, shops, and eat at fun restaurants. We always made a day of it.”

“Wow,” he hums, pursing his lips together. “Your dad sounds awesome. I mean, I have a great dad,” he quickly adds. “But he never took me out of the school for the day because it was my birthday.”

“Yeah,” I beam. “I lucked out with the best dad.”

“Well, he lucked out with the best daughter.” Elliot’s tone is soft and sweet.

My eyes snap up to him staring at me intently. I have no words.

“He did,” Elliot repeats. “You’re amazing, Roxanne. He would be so proud of you, you know that? So would your mom. They did what most parents can only dream of…They raised a perfect human.”

I swallow down the lump in my throat as tears sting the backs of my eyes.

Elliot’s eyes roam around my face, searching my features. His expression shifts from soft lines to worry.

“Rox,” he rushes out, reaching across the table for my hand. “I didn't mean to upset you. I just–”

I intertwine our fingers together and give his hand a gentle squeeze.

“No, it’s not that,” I croak. “It’s just…You don’t know how much that means to me. All I’ve ever wanted is to make my parents proud. There’s not a day that passes that I don’t think about them, and what they would say to me if they were still here.”

He brushes his thumb along the back of my hand.

“Well, I know without a doubt that they would be so proud of the woman you’ve become. You’re spectacular, Roxanne.”

His eyes flick between mine, serious as ever.

“Can I tell you something?” I ask weakly.

“Sure,” he nods, knitting his brows together.

“The reason everyone calls me Roxy is because that’s what my dad called me. Ever since I can remember, he called me his Roxy girl. In school and at work, I would always introduce myself as Roxy, not Roxanne.”

He squeezes my hand back when I pause to gather my thoughts, Elliot doing his best to comfort me.

“When my dad passed away, I never wanted to be called Roxanne ever again. I thought that if people knew me as Roxy, the memory of my dad would never go away. I would remember him every day, each time someone said my nickname. That’s why I didn’t want you to call me by my full name.”

His face instantly tightens with remorse.

“Rox,” he stammers, his skin feeling damp against mine. “I’m so sorry–”

“No,” I cut him off. “I’m not done.” I shake my head.

“I was afraid that I would somehow start to forget about him…forget about what his smile looked like if I allowed little things to change. So yeah, I hated it at first when you called me Roxanne. But now, I love it. I love it because even though you say my name in your velvety voice that takes my breath away, I still think about my dad every day. I can still picture his smile and the way the corner of his eyes would crinkle when he laughed. You’ve helped me realize that it’s okay for life to go on after experiencing a terrible loss. You can still remember your loved ones while becoming your own person. And I’m so thankful for that, Elliot. I’m thankful foryou.”

I don’t realize my eyes are leaking until Elliot brings his hand to my face and wipes away a stray tear with his thumb.

“You’re the one I should be thanking,” he rasps, leaning across the table and pressing a soft kiss to my lips.

My insides heat at the gesture. He’s kissing me in public, where anybody can see. Despite the looming risk of putting our jobs in jeopardy, I love the feeling of him being affectionate with me out in the open.

“You have no fucking idea how miserable I was before I met you,” he says, his tone full of pain and relief as his thumb caresses my cheek. “I was a shell of a human until you.”

So was I. You changed everything for me.

“Elliot,” I whisper as he leans across the table and presses our foreheads together.