Page 157 of Hate You Up Close

“No, I haven't,” he smiles sadly. “And it’s okay for me to admit that. Ever since I met you, I’ve been giving you crumbs of who I really am. Bits and pieces of my heart. And that’s not fair to you, Roxanne. You deserve someone who is going to love you as their best self. That’s why I’ve kept myself away from you, despite how much it killed me.”

“What do you mean?” I ask, feeling our hearts thumping in the same tune. Always beating for one another.

“Every day that we’ve been apart, I’ve wanted to say ‘fuck it’ and run to you so many times,” he mutters. “I wanted to give you the half-healed version of myself in order to have you. But I’m done being selfish and taking the easy way out. That’s why I worked with HR to take an extended leave from work…I’ve always used my job to busy myself and avoid my demons, but I physically and mentally needed a break. And I needed real help, Roxanne. I still do. But I finally feel like I’m in a place where I can be the man that you deserve…The man worthy of having a relationship with you.”

“You got help?” I ask, needing clarification.

“Yes,” he nods. “I started going to A.A. meetings a month ago. I attend at least one meeting a week, sometimes more if I’m having a bad day. I also started going to counseling once a week to work through my trauma. And the voicemail you sent me…That’s when everything changed for me, Roxanne. Time and time again, you have saved me. You’re my lifeline, Rox. You’re the reason my heart is still beating in my chest. When it beats, it beats solely for you.”

“Elliot–” I begin to speak, but he cuts in.

“And on top of that, I’ve been trying to mend old relationships and admit my wrongs, which has been the hardest thing for me to do. I’ve treated people like doormats for so long, Roxanne. Including you. And yes, I experienced trauma and loss at a young age, but that’s no excuse to treat people like shit. Through counseling, I’m learning how to deal with my emotions, rather than project them onto other people. I’ve needed help for so many years and without you, I’m afraid that I never would have gotten it. I am thankful for you in ways that you will never know. I love you so much, Roxanne Taylor. And I can only hope that you’ll give me a second chance to show you the man that I can be. I still have a long journey ahead of me, but I want you beside me every step of the way.”

My eyes glass over as a tear trickles down my cheek. I reach for Elliot, tangling my fingers in his hair before slamming my lips to his.

Instantly, he parts his lips, giving my tongue entrance into his mouth. We groan against each other’s lips, our tonguesmoving in a slow, but needy dance. We kiss like this for minutes, until our lungs start to beg for air.

When we finally break apart, I press my forehead against Elliot’s and take a second to catch my breath.

“Elliot,” I breathe, still coming back down to earth. “I’m so incredibly proud of you. And I always believed in you. You just needed to believe in yourself.”

“I know, baby,” he nods against my forehead. “Thank you for never giving up on me, even after I canceled your date with Zachary and flew you to the other side of the country,” he laughs.

“Poor Zach,” I chuckle. “The guy never stood a chance.”

“I have to admit,” he says. “That was pretty fucking wild of me.”

We share a laugh before Elliot lowers his head and seals his lips to mine.

Our server decides to walk through the door the second that Elliot’s tongue is down my throat. We quickly pull apart, wiping the saliva off our mouths as our waiter stares at us with wide eyes.

“I, uh…” he stammers. “My name is Marc, and I’ll be your server for tonight. Do you, um…Do you need a few more minutes to look at the menu?”

“Yes, please,” we both say at the same time.

“I’ll be back in a bit,” he nods before quickly shutting the door.

“I guess we better take a seat, huh?” I chuckle as Elliot steps toward me, crowding me against the wall again.

“One more kiss,” he groans before tugging my earlobe between his teeth.

“One more kiss,” I pant as he lowers his lips and gently sucks on my neck.

When he lifts his head, I thread my fingers through his hair and pull his mouth to mine.

“I love you,” I whisper against his lips.

And then he kisses me, taking my breath away like it’s the first time.

EPILOGUE

Elliot

Three Months Later

“Are you sure you’re ready to do this?” Roxanne asks from beside me.

“Yes,” I nod, squeezing her hand three times.