Page 150 of Hate You Up Close

“I don’t deserve this,” Elliot croaks. “I don’t deserve you,and I don’t deserve her. I’ve treated everyone I love like shit for so many years. I’m such a piece of shit, Everett. Why did Anna die, but I lived? I don’t fucking understand. I will never understand.”

Everett breaks, finally letting his tears fall too.

“You lived because you are supposed to be here, Elliot,” he cries. “Because I don’t know what I would do without my brother. Because your family loves you. And by the way Roxy looks at you, I know that she loves you. So many people love you, brother. You just have to allow yourself to love them back.”

Elliot shakes his head as his chest heaves up and down with sobs.

“I don’t fucking deserve her, Everett,” he croaks. “She’s too good for me. I love her so much. I love her so fucking much, and I’m so scared that I’m going to hurt her. I would never forgive myself. I could have lost her tonight, just like I lost Anna.”

I love her so much.

Those five words break me.

And that’s when I finally decide to step in. I need him to see me. I need him to touch me. I need him to know that I love him just as much. I need him to know that I’m not going anywhere.

Elliot’s eyes widen as I come out from behind the dumpster. His gaze never leaves mine as I slowly kneel down beside him and cradle his wet cheeks between my palms.

“Hi, baby,” I smile sadly, brushing my thumbs along his cheeks.

“Roxanne?” he croaks through watery eyes.

“I’m here,” I nod. “I’m here. And I’m not going anywhere.”

His golden eyes flicker between mine with so much emotion. He opens and closes his mouth, shaking his head as he stares at me with remorse.

“You…You need to leave,” he whispers. “I can’t…I refuse to hurt you.”

“No,” I shake my head. “I’m not leaving you. This is what you do, Elliot. You push the people who love you the most away. But you don’t realize that you’re hurting them instead of saving them. Losing you would be the worst thing that could ever happen to me. So the answer is no, I’m not leaving you.”

His eyes flinch at my words as another tear leaks from the corner of his eye. I think I’m crying too because his beautiful face is blurry between my hands.

“Everett,” Elliot says through clenched teeth before turning his gaze to his brother. “Please, take me home.Now.”

He’s completely ignoring me.

He’s turning off his emotions. Shutting down.

“Elliot, look at me,” I shout, trying to pull his face back to me. He yanks his head from my hold, refusing to look my way.

“Everett,” Elliot grits out, his chest rising and falling with labored breaths. “I need you to drive me home, now. I am begging you to get me out of here.”

I am begging you to get her away from me.That’s what he’s trying to say.

My heart cracks in two.

“Please don’t do this, Elliot,” I cry. “Please don’t fucking do this. I love you. You think you wouldn’t survive losing me? What makes you think I could survive losing you?Please,don’t push me away.”

His eyes flick to me for half a second, bloodshot and filled with pain.

“Fuck!” Elliot shouts before standing to his feet on wobbly legs and running a trembling hand through his hair. “Dammit, Everett…Please, take me home!I can’t look at her right now. I need to go home. Please, for the love of God, take me home.”

Everett’s gaze bounces between me and Elliot, unsure of what to do.

“Everett!” Elliot thunders.

“Okay,shit!” Everett booms over Elliot’s shouts. “Get in the car.”

Elliot exhales a breath of relief, nodding frantically before stumbling to the car and disappearing into the passenger seat.