Page 6 of Hate So Deep (Hate #4)

THEN

Lauren

Ever since everything went to shit, I’ve avoided the prospect of my dad’s alternate world. I don’t know what I hoped to gain from seeing Colt, but it didn’t change a damn thing.

We’re all still hiding behind the biggest lie of the century and every time I look into my dad’s eyes, I feel the brutal burn of betrayal once again.

Since Colt is closer to Buck’s age, I’ve spent way too much time considering our lives and I can’t help but wonder how many times Dad scurried off to them when he should have been home with us.

I mean, did he really miss my eighth-grade graduation because he had an important meeting or because he chose them?

All this circles my brain as I slowly move away from the life I thought was mine, which means, over the past few months, I’ve drifted further and further from my friends.

I don’t want to party with Academy. What the fuck do they know with their shiny fucking smiles and perfect lives?

That’s not me anymore. Besides, how long can this farce go on before the cat is out of the bag and they drop me anyway?

I’m not some pretty princess sitting in a tower and frankly, I don’t want to be the safe good girl, Dirk thinks I am. I don’t want to be me.

So here I am, in the fucking ghetto as my mom would call it, partying with people I don’t know.

I’m swaying to the music with my hands in the air and the world a blur around me when Jacci barks out a laugh and I cringe.

Sucking in a deep breath, I let it go. She’s been on my ass all week and we almost came to blows on Friday.

It’s just my luck that we end up at the same party tonight. I purposely went farther afield to avoid my classmates and yet here she is. Bitch.

Luckily, my old friend, Caro, welcomed me into the fold. We lost touch when we moved to different schools in the sixth grade but when I outreached her, she was all too eager to rekindle our friendship.

The knowledge filled me with shame because I moved on and should have cultivated what we had.

I guess I ate the shit Mom spoon fed me and convinced myself that the people I should surround myself with owned fancy cars and wore designer shoes.

The reality is those people are dicks. My mother is a dick.

They don’t care about my pain. She doesn’t care about my pain.

No one fucking does.

Case in point, Tori, my supposed best friend, dropped me after I dragged her along to the party to finally lay eyes on my half-brother, Colt.

To her credit, she didn’t tell anyone about my dad, but the possibility presses at my chest like a lead weight on any given day.

I guess she came to her senses when I exposed my imperfect world. After all, those things are meant to stay behind closed doors.

Beyond that, after meeting Dirk and his subsequent brush off, I wish I could go back and redo how things began.

Would it change anything? No, because the dick would’ve said the same thing. To him, I’m a rich bitch and nothing can change that.

Ugh.

“Hey, drink?” Caro asks, holding up her cup and I shove the Dirk shit aside.

Stop thinking about the fucker. He doesn’t deserve your time, Lala.

With a nod, I follow her into the kitchen and join her at the counter.

She pours us both a shot and I down mine with a grimace before accepting the beer she hands me.

“What’s up with you? You’re off tonight,” she says, and I shrug, looking away.

“Do you ever wish you were born someone else?”

She’s quiet while she contemplates my question and when I glance at her wide-eyed stare, I wince.

After a moment, she laughs, and says, “I don’t know. I’m too young to worry about that shit.”

“Yeah,” I say, forcing a chuckle before sipping my beer.

Maybe I am too young, but the damn weight clings to my soul anyway.

“Is this about your dad?” she asks.

“I guess.”

Caro knows our dirty secret. I tried to hold it in but eventually I spilled the beans and finally someone cared enough to give me the comfort I needed.

Although she had to get past her shock first.

“Maybe you should talk to him?” she says.

“Maybe,” I mumble. “C’mon, it’s too hot in here.”

I don’t know what to say. I approached my dad countless times, but the questions stuck to my tongue like glue, and I ended up backing away because some part of me didn’t want to hear him admit that he loves his second family more.

I’m not stupid. My parents hate each other but Mom has the money, and Dad works for the company she inherited from my grandfather.

He would lose more than us if he left her. So, what happened to push him out the door to another woman? Why won’t anyone tell me shit?

Once outside, I shiver at the abrupt change in temperature and pull my jacket close.

The summer passed in a blur while my parents pretended nothing was wrong and I hid in my room, hoping to avoid Mom’s wrath.

“Hey, Rocket,” Caro says, and he dips his chin.

I met Caro’s friend shortly after we started hanging out again. He’s cool but I know my mother would die if I dated someone like him.

I’m skating on thin ice now and I’d be in major shit if she ever found out where I’ve been partying.

However, I can’t deny that it’s nice to meet a guy who isn’t stuck on his hair or his fucking car and doesn’t look at me as the stupid bougie princess who doesn’t belong.

He’s not shy about showing his interest either and when he runs his hand down my neck, I shiver at the caress, unsure if I like the attention or not when he says, “Hey, pretty girl.”

“Hey,” I say, easing away.

His eyes darken but I’m spared from having to make up excuses when Caro says, “Uh oh.”

Following her gaze, I turn and stumble.

What the hell is Dirk doing here?

Of course, he looks fucking amazing, and I eat up his wide chest leading to tapered hips before perusing his arms stretching the material of his shirt, mercilessly.

A pretty blonde trails behind him and when Dirk’s eyes inevitably meet mine, he raises a brow.

For reasons known only to my treacherous body, a thrill rushes through me when his gaze drops down my feet and leisurely makes its way back to my face.

It further flames when his lips quirk and he cocks his head. I’m tempted to approach him and start over again because I can’t imagine ignoring the fire he ignites with a single look.

However, with Dirk comes Colt and it would be stupid to linger when I know my half-brother could appear at any moment.

With a tingle of disappointment, I turn away and smile pathetically at Rocket when he touches my waist.

“You want another drink?” he asks, and I drop my gaze to my cup.

It’s half full but getting warm. Not that it matters, I have to go before Colt arrives and once again the bitter sting of annoyance clogs my throat.

Why should I have to leave? It’s a free fucking country, right?

“Sure,” I say, and he eyes me strangely before backing toward the house.

“Don’t go anywhere,” he husks, and I smile, which fades as soon as he turns away.

Meanwhile I search for Caro but find her halfway across the yard speaking to some dude.

Before I can head that way though, a shadow forms over my shoulder and Dirk says, “You lost, baby doll?”

The husky baritone rolls over my skin like warm chocolate, and I suppress a shiver as I meet his gaze.

“I know exactly where I am,” I mutter, raising my chin.

“Hm,” he drawls, looking me over once more. “Your boytoy know you’re Academy?”

Rolling my eyes, I say to the sky, “He’s not my anything and who fucking cares?”

“Oh baby,” he says, chuckling. “You’re so naive. Of course, he cares. They all do.”

He tips his head, and I glance around the yard. For my efforts, I receive a few frowns, mostly from the girls, and surmise that it’s more about the competition than my Academy affiliation.

When I turn back to Dirk, he raises his brow again and I shake my head, saying, “I don’t care.”

At that his brows furrow and he leans in until his breath is puffing against my lips to say, “You should. These assholes will eat you up and spit you out. You’re easy fucking prey.”

“Really?” I mutter. “I was doing just fine until you got here.”

Despite the tenor of this conversation, my blood is pumping heavily through my veins because I enjoy sparring with the handsome devil.

Strangely, it’s like foreplay.

“You confused then?” he says.

“No,” I grit through my teeth.

Who the hell does he think he is?

“Take another look around, baby girl. The fucker to the right is about to jump the douche across from him. That chick eyeing you like a bitch just did time for assault. This ain’t no picnic and you’re fucking stupid if you think your rich ass is immune.”

Wow. What an asshole.

He may be hot, but I get the abuse he’s throwing around for free at home. I’m not interested and rocking back on my heels, I say, “Fuck. You.”

Once again, he smiles but it doesn’t reach his eyes when he says, “Oh baby. I was fucked a long time ago. Run along now.”

He flicks his wrist, and I bite my tongue because no sooner does he gesture me away than Colt appears.

I can’t resist one last dig though and mutter before I walk away, “I’m not your little dog. I go where I want. Get used to it.”

Of course, he doesn’t bother to respond and I’m fuming while I make my way to the house, texting Caro as I go.

I can’t believe that I’m backing down, but I still don’t know the rules and until I’ve figured it out, it’s safer to avoid the half-brother I’ve yet to meet.