Page 3 of Hate So Deep (Hate #4)

NOW

Lauren

The next few days are tense while Mom and Dad fight over Buck and the police conduct their investigation.

It got a little awkward when I couldn’t answer all their questions, but I skated over my inability to remember how I got home and since Buck was out with his own friends, it was a nonissue.

I did sweat through the entire discussion though because with every word spoken, I worried they might demand to see my arms and discover the bruises covered by my oversized hoodie.

Once my part was over, I left the room but paused outside the door when my mom said, “I know it was that bastard.”

“I’m sorry, ma’am,” the officer said. “We interviewed Colt Theroux, and he had a solid alibi during the time of your son’s attack.”

Her silence in the wake of his statement spoke volumes but she merely said stiffly, “What do you have?”

Something squeaked beyond the wall, and I cocked my head as the detective said, “So far, we know he was at a party earlier in the evening. He left with a young woman who we haven’t been able to track down. Miss Aimee Holmes.”

“That’s Buck’s girlfriend,” Mom muttered. “What else?”

“Well, we believe he had an altercation with another unknown person, who we’re also trying to track down, as well, Ms. Stark.”

Sniffing, Mom said as I backed away from the door, “If it was this person, I want them prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. There will be no mercy for whoever did this to my son.”

Even if it was me?

It’s a nonsensical thought because I was nowhere near my brother that night but what are the odds that I would lose my memory and wake up covered in blood the same night my brother was beaten to near death?

Now, I’ve been stewing over the information for days, but the cops are no closer to answers. Meanwhile, Mom grows more and more distant.

Strangely, I found her in the basement this morning but when I asked her what she was doing, she jumped all over my ass.

Which leads me to my newest dilemma. It’s Thanksgiving break and I guess he finally got his way because to my dismay, Mom barely made a peep when Dad suggested I spend part of the holiday with them.

I’m not interested in playing house with Dad’s other wife and the children born of that union, despite the time that’s passed.

It may not be their fault anymore that it was mine, but I know what they think of me.

Shit, Colt hates me, and we barely know each other. Asshole.

Colt also despises my mother and although I’ve never been able to prove it, I’m sure he’s the reason that Dad chose them over us.

After all, he stole the only bright part of my life, thoughts of which I push aside because I will not think about Dirk now or ever for that matter.

At any rate, this is the last place I want to be, but Dad insisted, so here I fucking am.

Maybe I should be grateful he wants me around but would it kill him to set aside his other family for a fucking day so we can be alone?

My stepmom, or whatever, has been kind but it’s hard to look into her eyes and not see the brittle hate that shines from my mom’s whenever she speaks of Celia Theroux.

Did my mom turn into a bitter cow because of Dad’s actions? Or did her nastiness push him away?

I know he thinks he’s helping but reminding me of the family I don’t really have is a low blow.

He’s moved on while I’ve lost the only people who care about me, although I concede that Buck may have been home with us, he checked out of this family a long time ago.

My mind swirls with the possibilities and I’m tempted to call Caro to bitch about it, but she’s got her own family shit to deal with.

Of course, I could go home but it would only create another wedge between me and my dad which I don’t want to worsen. It’s tense enough already.

“We’re so glad you’re here, Lala,” Celia says when I step into the dining room.

She’s beautiful, I concede with her dark hair and those stunning blue-gray eyes but she’s not my mom and dare I say it, it feels like a betrayal to accept this woman knowing she ultimately broke my family apart.

“Sweetie,” Dad says while I stand rigidly in his arms before he tugs me toward the table. “How are you?”

“Fine,” I mumble, fighting off the bitter bile that always makes an appearance when I’m around my dad.

To be fair, he’s never wavered in his attempts to maintain our relationship, but it crumbled the day he announced he was leaving my mom for her and his other children.

Nothing he does now can fix that.

So why am I here?

Cat, my half-sister, comes around the corner. For a moment we just stare at each other. We share the same features and dark hair but where she’s slim and tall, I’m petite and curvy.

Still, it’s like looking in a mirror and it freaks me out.

Fighting another surge of unease, I stiffen when Celia says, “Thanks honey. Let’s eat. I’m starved.”

When Dad leans in and they share a kiss, I look away, curling my lip, only to meet the cold stare of Colt as he steps through the door with Finn right behind him.

We trade glares until Finn elbows him in the ribs, and he grunts, “Hey.”

Meanwhile, Finn smiles and waves. “Hi Lala.”

Before this all came out and we became one big dysfunctional family, I saw her although I’m sure she wouldn’t remember.

It was after I defied Dirk’s high-handed demands and showed up at one of their parties.

She was the blonde Dirk held back while Colt beat the shit out of some dude. The particulars of her relationship with Dirk versus Colt remain a mystery but I can’t quite like the pretty blonde knowing she might have had Dirk first.

Mustering a weak smile, I mumble, “Hey.”

Rubbing my brow, I grit my teeth when Celia stands from the table with a soft smile. I don’t have words to describe how surreal this is but I’m guessing my expression does the job because it fades, and she looks away.

“I forgot the pepper,” she says and after that an awkward silence descends while we eat and I eye the beer in Dad’s hand with a single-minded intensity.

I wish that I could partake because it would make this meal bearable, but I can’t exactly crack one open in front of him, which is why, I silently sigh when he turns to me and asks, “Well, Lala, how did your tests go?”

My tests? That’s what he wants to know?

When Celia smiles and glances my way, I turn my head.

It’s shitty, but I don’t care. These people ruined my world and now I have to pretend it’s okay?

I don’t think so.

“Fine,” I murmur and Dad sighs, dropping his fork to the table.

“Sweetie, I’m worried about you,” he says. “After your brother…”

When the black hole that is my memory of that night tries to force its way into my head, I bite my tongue, accepting the copper tang sliding down my throat as my penance.

My brother remains in a coma in the hospital and my mom may be a hard woman to love but neither of them deserve to lose their husband and father.

The last words I said to my brother before going out were that I hated him. I’ve never regretted anything more.

“I’m fine,” I mutter, grateful when Cat breaks in to say something stupid about her teacher.

I don’t think I can do this. It’s cruel to expect me to sit here while these two act all mom and daughter-ish.

Closing my eyes, I open my mouth to say just that when a deep, dark voice that haunts my fucking dreams says from the door, “What did I miss?”

Colt’s mouth curves into a grin and Finn stands before rushing his way. Envisioning the hug that even now I know Dirk would never give me in front of these assholes, I shake my head.

Why is he here? I thought this was a family event.

Fuck.

“Dirk,” Cat squeals and I clench my teeth so hard that pain shoots up my jaw.

The only one who doesn’t jump to get his attention is Dad and I eye him sideways while he takes in the scene with a grim smile.

“Kitty cat! How’s my girl?” Dirk says and I bow my head.

When have I ever heard him speak to me with such affection? Never because despite the depths of the emotion we exchanged, we spent our time either fighting or fucking like it was the last time.

Maybe it was idiotic infatuation that pushed me toward him, but it was love that tore us apart, his love for these people and not…me.

“We’re eating dinner. Are you hungry?” Celia says and I cringe.

So, maybe he wasn’t invited? Does it matter?

Nope.

“Nah, I’m good,” Dirk says. “I’m here to carry out my best man duties.”

Cat squeals again and when she jumps up and down, clapping her hands, I shudder.

I mean, really? Fuck me.

“That’s sweet. We’re so glad you could make it back,” Celia says.

From where? Where did he go?

Since Colt and Dirk are best friends, it makes sense that he would be here for Colt and Finn’s wedding, a quiet affair, from what I understand that’s going to take place after Christmas.

“Did you figure out where you’re staying?” Celia asks and I stiffen, half turning in my seat.

Oh fuck no.

When Dirk’s dark eyes meet mine, he smirks and just like that I’m transported back in time.

Liquid heat flows through my veins and I almost squirm when I remember the rasp of his fingers across my sensitive skin.

Despite being no virgin when I met him, he’s the only one who’s ever made me orgasm.

Thankfully, Colt interjects before I make a fool of myself, and I slowly exhale as he leads Dirk away.

Once they’re gone, Celia turns to Dad and says, “Honey, let’s get the Christmas lights out.”

Oh goodie, now we’re going to decorate the fucking house. I mean, isn’t it a little early? We just finished the turkey.

Sinking in my seat, I clench my hand under the table, where I’m left, moving the food around on my plate while the others seemingly rush to the living room.

I’ve never wished to be anywhere else more in my life but what’s the alternative?

It’s not like Mom cooked up a turkey dinner at home. She’s more than likely at the hospital where she’s refused to allow me to go since that first night.

Since I’d rather claw my eyes out with a spoon than partake in another family event, I proceed to clear the table before rolling up my sleeves to tackle the dishes.

Mom would lose her shit if we left the table like that, I think absently when none other than Dirk says behind me, “Hmm, I never thought I would see the day…”

Whipping around at the husky baritone, I stare at him standing in the threshold, leaning ever so casually against the wall. I don’t know how it’s possible, but he’s filled out even more as though he was still growing into his body in high school.

It takes a monumental amount of self-control, but I manage to ignore the fire, coursing through my veins as I close the dishwasher door and turn to him.

Leaning against the counter, I raise a brow and murmur, “Oh?”

“Mhm,” he rasps, his lips pulling into a wicked smile. “The princess getting her hands dirty.”

It’s the same old fucking story and yet when his eyes light with fire, I have to bite my lip, suppressing the whimper trembling on my tongue.

Whatever. I’m not backing down this time which is why I step toward him and press my finger against his warm chest before trailing it down to his abs as I say, “I guess I do.”

A thrill rushes through me when his nostrils flare before he grabs my hand and rasps, “Still, my dirty little doll.”

Shit. Fuck. Damn.

It takes everything in me not to rub against him like a freaking cat in heat but we both come back to the moment when voices emerge from down the hall and he looks away, clearing his throat.

Coward.

With a bitter smile, I turn away and silence fills the room awkwardly while I wipe down the counter.

I can’t deny that being near him still creates a buzz below my skin but as he proved once again, I’m nothing but Colt’s sister and that’s how it will remain.

“Dirk?” I ask, staring at the wall.

“Yeah?”

“Do you remember…” What? Why was I blackout drunk the night Buck was assaulted? “What happened that night?”

I can’t believe I even have to ask this question, but it is what it is and silently sighing, I glance up, but he’s gone.

The fucker walked away and slumping to the counter, I bang my head against the cool granite before groaning.

It was bad enough having to pretend around them but now with Dirk here, I really am in hell.

Dirk

Well, fuck me running, I never thought I’d see the day that Lauren Stark would be sitting at a table with my best friend. I guess things really have changed since I left.

As usual, my fingers itch to touch the silky strands of her mahogany hair but that’s always been my problem, I can’t stay the fuck away.

Why else would I be here sussing out the situation when common sense should have sent me across town to deal with my dad before getting the fuck out of dodge.

I have to play this cool though because now is not the time to arouse Colt’s suspicions, not that there ever was a really good time to reveal my sordid history with his half-sister.

If she had been anyone else, I would have played with her before sending her home because she’s fuck hot with those wide green eyes and lush, curvy body.

I suspect that’s why the pretty little princess caught my eye in the first place. Despite her obvious affiliation to Academy—tearing up a pair of designer jeans couldn’t hide her pedigree—she was bold and fierce and fucking majestic.

However, Academy chicks only want one thing and that’s the badge of honor they take back to their dull ass lives proclaiming they walked on the wild side.

I’m no stranger to girls like her using their beauty to hide the wicked within. This is where our brutal games began, after all.

Lauren Stark epitomizes everything I hate about this fake ass town and the people in it. Yet here I stood, watching her finish the dishes while her family, whether she chooses to accept them or not, congregates in the living room.

Of course, she sasses right back when I tease her about getting dirty, one of the things I like best about her. She gives as good as she gets and fuck me if that doesn’t make me hard.

What’s going through that diabolical mind of hers?

What happened that night?

This is why I’m here, but I find that I can’t say shit because if she’s asking then she doesn’t remember, and it would be stupid to open that door if I don’t have to.

As far as I know, Colt doesn’t know what we did, and I’d like to keep it that way. Even though there are things I don’t understand, what I do know leads me to believe that our relationship could never come back from this.

I need to keep my distance from the sassy siren before everything implodes but if she doesn’t stop looking at me like I’m a fucking god, we’ll be right back where we started and this, I cannot afford to indulge in.

She’s dangerous in more ways than one and now I’m stuck with her until I carry out my best man duties.