Page 16 of Hate So Deep (Hate #4)

NOW

Lauren

I don’t know what I was thinking but I should have begged my dad to go with him. I would’ve willingly surrendered to those detectives if it meant avoiding my half siblings, their fucking mother and Dirk with his red-headed girl.

Fuck me.

After Celia rounds us up, I pause at the door and look back to the stairs, leading to the lavender walls of the only sanctuary I have here.

I would be doing the group a good service if I stayed behind. It’s not like I’m feeling the Christmas spirit, and I don’t give a fuck about the damn bazaar downtown.

Except before I can make my excuses, Dirk whispers in my ear as he brushes past, “Coward.”

I’m not a fucking coward.

Of course, I take the bait like an asshole and march out the door only to slow down when I see that my choice of transportation options includes Celia and the girls in one vehicle or Colt and Dirk in the other.

Since I’m tired of Dirk and his jerk ass face, I head toward Celia’s vehicle only to pause and turn back to the truck.

When I meet Dirk’s eyes through the windshield, they narrow, and I fight back a grin. Fucker wants to play, I’ll play. I don’t care what Colt does or does not know about Dirk and I.

So, let’s see how much Dirk sweats when I’m sitting in a vehicle with him and my half-brother.

Of course, Colt’s brows furrow when I slide into the backseat and wrench on my seatbelt, but no one comments as we back out of the driveway.

The women lead the way in Celia’s vehicle, and I stifle a snort when I consider how awkward that car ride would be, although to be fair this is no picnic.

Still, my goal was to make the dick squirm and when I look up and our gazes clash, I summon a dirty smirk.

Dirk grunts but doesn’t comment as we slow to a stop in front of the old school arcade that used to be a hangout for Academy students before they closed it down last year.

When Dirk’s brows furrow and Colt glances at him sideways, my spine tingles and I lean forward, for what, I don’t know because neither speaks as we accelerate through the light.

Still, the interior of the cab feels darker than it did before.

“Remember that chick in high school? Blonde with big…eyes,” Colt asks, breaking the tension.

Clenching my teeth, I turn to the window as Dirk chuckles and says, “Polly…no, Pansy. Something like that.”

“Yeah,” Colt says, tipping his chin toward the window.

Dirk follows his head, and his brows rise before he says, “Fuck, bro. I totally forgot about that.”

“Me too,” Colt murmurs.

I admit, I’m curious about this memory but I don’t ask because I have some pride.

“Stacey hated that bitch,” Dirk mutters and I look between them.

Polly…Stacey…?

“Wait! Stacey?” I ask and Dirk’s eyes meet mine in the mirror once more.

“Huh?” Colt grunts.

“Stacey Hughes,” I say. “She…”

Dropped out of school when she learned she was pregnant, and rumors swirled that not only was she completely fucked but she couldn’t name the father.

When Dirk turns back to the road, his brows furrowed, I bow my head, considering the implications.

Did Colt fuck her or Dirk? Maybe both of them…?

Fuck me.

Resisting the urge to rub away the brutal ache in my chest, I laugh uneasily and say, “She was a bitch.”

When neither comment, the subject is dropped, and I gaze out the window.

She was a bitch and for whatever reason, she hated me, but I still felt a kernel of pity for her when all of her so-called friends dropped her.

Although not surprising it must have been a brutal blow. I know how it feels to lose your friends, even if I distanced myself before they could do it for me.

“You ever get in the ring?” Dirk asks, breaking the weird silence. “Paulson was asking about you.”

“Nope, don’t do that shit anymore. No need,” Colt says but I sense a dark undercurrent to his tone.

“S’pose not,” Dirk says, his brows flickering.

What ring? I heard rumors that the last time Colt and Buck fought it was in some illegal cage fighting scenario.

Of course, this was all gleaned from gossip and eavesdropping because no one would tell me to my face.

I’ll never forget how fucked up Buck was though, and I thought I had seen the worst of it, until he ended up in the hospital again.

What is Colt saying? Why is there no need?

Is it because my brother is dead?

The remainder of the ride is quiet and when we pull up to the Christmas bazaar, I exit without looking at anyone before I stalk away.

Unfortunately, this means I come upon the girls, and my throat burns when Kayla grabs Dirk’s arm, leading him toward the entrance.

Celia walks ahead with Cat bouncing beside her and I slow as Colt passes with Finn in tow.

She glances back, her brows furrowed but I avoid her gaze, my throat achingly dry.

Dirk

Stacey fucking Hughes.

Fuck but it feels like every time I turn around she pops up. She’s like a fucking ghost haunting my life despite having left her in the past a long time ago.

Her fine ass drew me in from the start but when we locked eyes and her hazel peepers blazed at me with greed, I fucked her in my bed that night and then went in for a repeat.

That’s where it should have ended though. She was Academy, which should have been my first warning, but I ignored everything in favor of the pretty, vivacious girl who made me feel alive for the first time that I could remember.

What I never saw coming was the lie. Stacey wasn’t a free spirit, unchained by rules or social mores. She didn’t do what she wanted when she wanted.

To this day, I don’t quite know who she was trying to convince…herself or the rest of us, but in all reality, she was still a pretty bird in a gilded cage.

The problem is, I swallowed her words as though they were gospel only to realize that in the end she was never going to be my savior.

The reminder leaves an ashy taste on my tongue especially now because when Lauren met my stare in the rearview mirror, she raised a condescending fucking brow.

Oh ho, the pretty princess was offended but she doesn’t understand a goddamn thing. I embrace the darkness. I’ve played so many games with so many girls that I’ve lost count, and I always won.

Lauren, with her perfect little world, needs to see the man standing before her. This ain’t a fairytale. I ain’t going to save her.

Shit.

She doesn’t need saving. She’s already in her ivory fucking tower.

The problem is, we're stuck together until Colt and Finn get hitched, which is why I ignore the brutal burn in my chest for the stupid boy who thought he was a man and the young woman holding out hope for something long gone as I move forward.