Page 52 of Forever My Siren Luna

I have to tell her. I promised. “I set sail. I was….I was going to give the pack to Nilo and take my own life. I couldn’t live in a world without you, knowing I could never right the wrongs I had done. I didn’t want you to forgive me, but I wanted the opportunity to spend the rest of my life making all my mistakes up to you in whatever way I could. I thought my mistrust and abuse is what led to your death. If I never had a way to atone for those sins against you, I just wanted to take my own life and beg for your forgiveness in the afterlife. I was going to kill myself in the last place I knew you were. The sea.”

She stared at me for a moment, her emerald eyes glistening with unshed tears. “You didn’t, though, right? You couldn't have.”

I quickly shook my head. “Your father discovered me in his search for you. He felt your death too. That was when he asked me to help bring you back.”

She stared at the ground, playing with her pretty fingers, my eyes focusing on the one that is missing our wedding band. I know she left it behind. It’s in a box, safe in our old room. I shamelessly hope to someday give her a proper wedding and to put the ring back on her finger.

Even without feeling the bond, I know without a doubt that I love her and I always will. Even if she can’t forgive me, I will still love her. Always.

“Would you still have felt bad if you never found out if I was your mate?” Lira asked. “If I had run away before then?”

I smiled softly. “Yes. I would have searched for you no matter what, bond or not. I thought about that a lot after you left me this time. I already felt horrible, but I tried to justify it thinking you were sent to hurt me and my pack. Once I realized you were never the enemy, I know I would have reacted the same, even without the bond.”

“What if I decide to reject you now?”

I closed my eyes, not wanting to even imagine going through her rejection again. Killian was whimpering at the thought,

“I won't accept it, but I won’t blame you either. I will just follow you for the rest of my life, showing you with every breath that I’m sorry.”

“Would you leave your pack to follow me?”

I huffed a laugh without humor. “I would give up everything for you. Everything, Lira. I know that you are the one thing I can never live without.” Especially now. She is my only reason for living. I love her, and I always will.

~

Elelira

The mate bond tingles and throbs in my chest as his words sink in.

Even if I hated him, or tried to hate him, I never wanted him to abandon his pack or his life. As terrible as he was to me, he was still an amazing alpha to his pack.

Hearing his side of things made me so much more conflicted. I can’t blame him for not trusting my uncle. I can’t find it in me to blame him for trying to safeguard his pack by making me an outsider. I would likely have thought the same in his situation.

But that still doesn’t take away all the hurt and pain I endured.

I wonder if he knows everything that I went through.

“Did you know?” I asked softly after a painfully quiet span of time passed. “Did you know all that I had to endure in those two years?”

His face turned grim. “No. Not the extent of your suffering, no.”

I nodded, looking down at the ground before meeting his eyes again. “Do you want to know?”

I don’t know why it is so important to me to tell him in detail, without anger or trying to guilt him for what I had to endure. I really don’t want his guilt or pity. I just wanted him to own up to his wrongdoings.

If he chooses not to listen to my side of things, I don’t know if I can truly trust that he is sorry for what happened. I don’t know if we can move forward.

I don’t want him to try to hide what happened in our first life under a rug and pretend it never occurred. That life changed me. It brought me to where I am today. Pretending it never happened would just be denying who I am.

If he can stand to know that side of me, then I won’t accept him. It’s as easy as that. I know that we truly won’t have a future, because my past is still a vital part of me.

His past changed him, and I listened to his story to understand him more. I need the same courtesy.

“I am scared to know,” Lachlan admitted, and my soul plummeted thinking he was about to reject hearing my story. “I need to know, though. I have to know the consequences of what I’ve done. That is the only way I can ever understand.” He dared to reach out and rest his hand over mine. “My love for you isn’t just empty words. Neither is my regret. I want to know you completely, Lira. Everything.”

Val was holding her breath, in fear of what he would say. At his words, she breathed out in relief.

I tell Lachlan everything. I started by telling him about the years before I came to Hidden Cove, about the abuse towards women in my Uncle’s pack. My mom sheltered me from most of it, but I was still treated poorly up until I came to Hidden Cove for our marriage.