Page 73 of Forbidden Billionaires: Vol. 10

Sunday

I ran my fingers along the leather armrest. It was easier to stare at the crease that the repetitive gesture made than to make eye contact with Dr. Clark. Besides, I’d already decided what to do about Penny. I no longer needed to discuss it.

“Your phone isn’t attached to your hand today,” Dr. Clark said, finally breaking the silence.

How insightful. I was in a foul mood, but it wasn’t his fault. I plastered a fake smile onto my face and then let it fall. Putting an act on for my therapist wasn’t helping me. Clearly. “Nope.”

“Did you hear back from the woman you were interested in? Your colleague?”

“It’s not going to work out.”

He shifted in his chair, his notebook settling on his lap. “And why is that?”

“Because you were wrong…I’m not ready to date.”

He gave me a hard stare. “And why is that?”

I hated when he repeated himself. It made me feel like a petulant child. I took a deep breath instead of snapping at him. “She broke up my routine too much. You’re the one who always says my routine is so important.”

“But your routine shouldn’t be used as an excuse to stop living, James.”

I shook my head.

“Don’t you think you could add one or two date nights a week to your routine? Most couples hang out on Friday and Saturday nights when they’re first dating. You can easily adjust your schedule to accommodate change.”

And where would I take my student? To the bar down the street?

Dr. Clark didn’t understand. I looked down at the leather armrest again.

It wasn’t just about the change of routine.

That wasn’t it at all. It was the feeling that I wasn’t in control.

I’d fucking kissed her outside her dorm building.

Anyone could have seen us. For a second I had forgotten what we were.

A professor and his student. It was like I lost all reason around her.

And that wasn’t acceptable behavior. Not for someone like me.

“Tell me what you’re thinking,” Dr. Clark said. “That’s why you’re here.”

I ran my hand down my face. What was there left to say? I’d already decided to stop pursuing Penny. End of discussion.

He wrote something down in his notebook, the scribbling sound of the pen against the paper slowly driving me insane. “Did you two go on a date?”

He wasn’t letting this go easily. “Not exactly. I gave her a lift home the other night.”

“And how did you feel when you were alone with her?”

I thought about Penny’s broken heel and the blood dripping down her knees. Infuriated. And then I thought about how she smelled like cherry blossoms and how beautiful her blue eyes were. Intoxicated. “Conflicted.”

“Now we’re getting somewhere. What were you conflicted about?”

Whether to turn the car around and kill whoever had ditched her on the side of the road.

Or to lean over and kiss away any bad memories of her night.

Whether or not I should cross the line of our relationship in the classroom.

Whether or not our different ages would be an issue.

I was conflicted about every single thing. “All of it. She’s out of my league.”

Dr. Clark laughed. “I doubt there are many women who’d consider themselves out of your league. I’ll ask you again…why were you conflicted? Does this have to do with Isabella?”

“No.” I shook my head. Sometimes Dr. Clark seemed really dumb. “It has nothing to do with her.”

“We haven’t talked about her since our first few sessions.”

“Because there is nothing left to say.”

“Do you think you’re over her?”

Why was he pressing this? “My relationship with Isabella was built off obligation, not love.” Our parents had pretty much arranged for us to be together since we were born.

“But you went along with it for years.”

“You know perfectly well I wasn’t happy.”

He shook his head like he didn’t believe me.

It didn’t matter if he did or not. Isabella was nothing to me.

And none of my hesitancy about Penny had to do with Isabella.

If I liked Isabella at all, I’d still be in NYC with her.

I’d still be sharing a bed with her. I wouldn’t want to throw up at the mention of her name.

Dr. Clark jotted something else down in his notebook and then looked back up at me. “It just seems logical that you might be sabotaging your relationship with this new woman because you still have feelings for Isabella.”

That definitely wasn’t it. I had been waiting impatiently for this session. But now that I was here it seemed pointless.

“Maybe it’s your whole life in New York that’s making you sabotage your fresh start here. You left all your friends and family behind. Don’t you think that might be holding you back from embracing your new life here?”

I shook my head.

“Then what did you feel conflicted about when you were driving your colleague home?”

I was done talking about this.

“You know the answer.” His voice was stern. “You’re paying me to talk through your issues with you. If you won’t talk to me, then what are you doing here, James?”

I pressed my lips together.

“Tell me why you’re conflicted.”

What the hell did he want me to say?

“You were conflicted being alone with this woman because…”

“I’m not a good person! Is that what you want to hear? I’m not a good person. And she deserves better than someone like me.”

“James.” He put his notebook and pen down. “Only a good person would even consider his own morality in the context of starting a new relationship. Don’t you see?”

His point was moot. Because what I said was what really mattered. Penny was everything good in the world. Even her touch radiated warmth. And me? My soul was dark. I was barely holding on. A man like me didn’t deserve Penny’s light.

Dr. Clark leaned forward. “You worked hard to turn your life around. You’re allowed to let go of your past. You’re allowed to give yourself a break.”

“She’s too good for me.”

“You took a job as a professor to give back. We both know you don’t need the money. You’re doing good things here.”

“Doing one positive thing in my whole life doesn’t make me a saint.”

“Positivity attracts more positivity.”

I hated when he talked about the universe giving back what I put out. “It’s done. I told her it was over.” I begged her to stay away, because I wasn’t sure I was strong enough to.

Dr. Clark shook his head and lifted his pen back up. “I think that was a mistake.”

“And coming here was a fucking mistake.” I stood up to go.

“When was the last time you had a drink?” he said to my back.

I froze.

“When was the last time you even wanted a drink?”

I hadn’t consumed a single sip of alcohol since I’d met Penny. I hadn’t even thought about it.

“Sit back down, James. We can figure out what’s bothering you together. That’s why I’m here.”

I turned back toward him and shoved my hands in my pockets. Why did I always fight being honest with him? He was literally being paid hundreds of dollars an hour to listen to me. With no repercussions. “When I’m with her, I feel my self-control slipping. And I don’t like that feeling.”

“You don’t need self-control around a consenting adult.”

“It’s not just sex. I feel myself being drawn to her all the time. It’s easier to breathe when she’s beside me.”

Dr. Clark smiled. “Falling in love isn’t a disease, James.”

“I’m not falling in love with her.”

“What you just described…the smile on your face…”

I didn’t realize I was smiling. I quickly cut it out. “I don’t know how to let go without feeling like I’m slipping.”

“And I’ll say it again…slipping into love isn’t a disease.”

“It feels the same to me.”

“You’re allowed to let go of your past. You’re allowed to embrace change. You’re allowed to be happy.”

He wasn’t getting it. I’d told him the truth and he didn’t understand. “I think I just need some fresh air.”

“I’ll see you next Sunday then?”

I nodded and left the room. Even though I was still resigned to keep Penny at arm’s length, there was at least one thing Dr. Clark had said that resonated with me. I needed to let go of my past. And even though I felt like I had, there was still the issue of the unsigned documents.

When I got home, I called my lawyer to set up a few meetings in New York.

Then I packed a suitcase and sent off emails to cancel my next few classes.

For Comm I moved up the speeches that were supposed to start next week so that I wouldn’t have to teach on Wednesday and Friday.

This was going to be an exhausting trip.

And I needed time to get Penny out of my system.

As I headed out the door, I pressed on my brother’s name in my phone. The elevator dinged open and I stepped on.

He answered after a few rings. “If you’re going to yell at me again, you might as well hang up the phone now,” Rob said. “I don’t want you to ruin my vibe.”

His vibe? What the hell was he talking about?

“Sorry about our last call, Rob.” I wasn’t really.

He had kept pestering me about what students I was hooking up with.

It was before classes had started, and at the time I’d just been annoyed that he didn’t understand that I was actually here because I loved teaching.

If he asked me now? That was a different story. Because now I was guilty.

“Okay…” he said. “So you’re not going to rip my head off for being irresponsible again?”

“Are you acting like an irresponsible idiot?”

“No?”

I smiled. That meant he absolutely was. “Then how could I possibly lecture you?” The elevator doors opened and I pulled my suitcase into the parking garage.

“Exactly,” Rob said. “So what’s up with you? I’d ask about the co-eds, but…I know that your dick is in your pants and you’re having zero fun.”

Kind of. “I’m coming up to New York for a few days to meet with my lawyer. Can I stay with you?”

“I’m not in the city.”

“Where are you?”

“Costa Rica. Man, you should come here instead. The babes are aplenty and some of them have already graduated. Just the way you like them.”

God. “What are you doing in Costa Rica?”

“The question is why aren’t you in Costa Rica? Come on! We’ll have so much fun! We haven’t taken a trip together in ages.”

“My lawyer is in New York. My spur of the moment vacation is specifically to see him. I can’t come to Costa Rica on a whim.”

“You can do whatever you want on a whim. You’re just too lame to.”

I shook my head as I put my suitcase in the car. “When are you coming back to New York?”

“That depends…. How long can you stay in Costa Rica on vacation?”

“Do you have a visa?”

“No. Do I need one?”

I laughed. “If you wanted to stay for a longer time. But without one you can probably stay a max of three months, depending on their laws. You should look into that.”

“I trust you. Three months. So…I’ll be here for two and a half more months.”

Of course. “Have fun with that. Let me know when you’re back home.”

“Will do. Sink your dick into a sexy student for me.”

“Stay out of trouble,” I said without acknowledging his comment.

He laughed. “I can’t make any promises. Later.” Rob hung up the phone.

I slid into the driver’s seat. Costa Rica. For a three-month vacation. With absolutely nothing to do. It sounded like my worst nightmare.