Page 121 of Forbidden Billionaires: Vol. 10

Wednesday

I’d been right the first time.

Penny was better off without me.

And I was in hell.

I couldn’t seem to focus in class. My lectures were all over the place.

And they were always greeted by confused looks on my students’ faces.

If I didn’t get my act together, I knew the dean would be calling me.

I could kiss my fresh start goodbye. Not that it felt like a fresh start anymore. It was more like torture.

But I couldn’t think about the students I was letting down or about getting fired right now. Because today was Wednesday. I got to see Penny three times a week. And on those days all I could think about was her.

Ian said that we could live happily ever after. But I knew the truth. I’d been so determined to win her back. But I’d fucked everything up.

I wasn’t a knight in shining armor. And Penny was better off without me. There was only one answer here. One painful answer that I’d let settle around me.

I was going to let her go. I had to let her go.

But on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays we still got to breathe the same air. I still got to stare at her in class. We could still be close. I’d give anything to be closer. Just one touch…

Stop.

Fucking stop it.

I walked into the coffee shop where Penny and I first met.

I made a habit of coming here every morning, hoping to run into her.

I wasn’t sure for what purpose. Maybe seeing her outside of class would feel more like us.

Maybe I’d be able to find the strength to figure out a way to bring us back together.

But every day I went to the coffee shop, she wasn’t there. It almost seemed like she was avoiding it. Trying to get over what we had.

I should have been grateful.

But it just made everything worse.

I had to let her go. But I didn’t want to.

Someone behind me cleared their throat.

I blinked. I hadn’t realized the line in front of me had dissipated. Everyone was waiting for me to order. But I didn’t actually want coffee. I just wanted Penny. I stepped out of the line. God, I just needed Penny.

My hand shook as I reached out to push open the door back to Main Street. For a second I just stared at my hand.

I thought I loved Penny. But it was so much more sinister than just that.

My hand continued to shake.

If I needed any confirmation that I was addicted to Penny, this was it. I was literally feeling some of the symptoms of withdrawal. I desperately just wanted one more fix. And I wasn’t sure how much longer I could actually go without succumbing to the temptation.

I was obsessed with Penny. I was addicted to her.

I pushed open the door and stepped onto Main Street. I took a deep breath, but it didn’t quite reach my lungs.

I just needed one more fix.

And that didn’t mean watching the footage of her on her knees worshipping my cock at the country club.

Which just further proved my obsession. Every day I wrapped my hand around my cock and pretended it was her lips.

And it wasn’t enough. I needed Penny. I fucking needed her.

All I could think about was devouring every inch of her one more time.

Dr. Clark thought what I needed was to delete the footage.

But he was an idiot. That’s why I’d fired him. I was fucked up in the head and it was his fault. I paid him to help me and he hadn’t helped at all.

So I’d watch the video whenever I damn well pleased and at least wallow after finding a fucking release.

And I’d keep watching the surveillance feed of her coming and going from her dorm too.

Honestly it made sense that I’d turned into a stalker. Fitting, really. Another thing to add to the list of reasons why I should be alone. Monster.

But it would be a hell of a lot better to have Penny’s lips actually wrapped around my cock. Just one more time.

God, just one more fix.

***

I stood outside of class and took a deep breath.

Penny is better off without me in her life. She’s good. She’s pure. She’s perfect. She deserves more.

I’d ruin her life. I’m sick. I’m twisted. I’m fucked up in the head. I deserve to be alone.

Those words had settled into my head when I stared at the ceiling at night. Tossing and turning in my sheets that still smelled like her. Until I got up and went to my office to try to distract myself with work.

I needed those words now. When my hands were shaking. And I was desperate. I felt like if I told myself those words enough, that I could find the strength to leave Penny alone.

I wondered if Dr. Clark would be proud of me for making myself a mantra.

Probably not. Nothing I did seemed to please anyone recently.

But I’d have to rehire him and show up to appointments in order to see his disdain.

And I decided I didn’t need therapy. I’m sick.

I’m twisted. I’m fucked up in the head. I deserve to be alone.

I think I summed it up pretty nicely.

I reached down and snapped the rubber band around my wrist for the millionth time this morning. I wasn’t seeing Dr. Clark anymore, but I remembered he’d made me do this. To help control my wandering thoughts. To make me focus on the present.

But what was the present other than hell?

I snapped the rubber band again, but nothing happened. I looked down at my red wrist. The skin was raw and the rubber band was broken on the floor.

Wishful thinking that the rubber band would help. If something so simple worked, I wouldn’t have wasted thousands of dollars on therapy. Fuck. I picked the broken rubber band up off the floor.

No, it didn’t work. But I liked the feeling of pain. I needed a new rubber band. I needed to be doing anything other than walking into this classroom. Breathe.

I tried to plaster a fake smile on my face, but even that felt exhausting.

Instead I just opened the door to my Comm classroom and walked in.

It used to feel like walking into fresh air.

Fresh cherry-scented air. I used to stare over at Penny with a hidden smile.

Whenever I was around her, it made it easier to breathe.

But today? The room was stifling. And staring at Penny felt like a punch in my gut. I tried to focus on putting down my satchel and organizing my papers. But I kept glancing at her out of the corner of my eye.

I could tell she wasn’t eating. Her cheeks looked hollow.

And the dark circles under her eyes meant she wasn’t sleeping either.

But she was still gorgeous. Her wavy red hair made her rosy cheeks look rosier.

Her full lips were still begging to be kissed.

I wanted them wrapped around my cock and my fingers buried in her hair. Stop.

Did she lie awake at night thinking of the same things I did? Of my body pressed against hers? Before repeating some fucked up mantra?

Definitely not the last part. That was a special kind of torment just for me.

I’m sick. I’m twisted. I’m fucked up in the head. I deserve to be alone.

I’d worn one of my sweaters that I knew she liked. Actually, it was identical to the one I’d given her. I wasn’t trying to play a game with her head. I just…wanted to see if she noticed. I wanted some kind of realization in her eyes.

Had she even kept that sweater?

Did she still think of me too?

I glanced at her once more before turning to the board.

She was sitting with that prick Tyler Stevens.

He was leaning over discussing something with her.

The chalk almost broke in my hand as I started writing on the board.

And I realized all I’d drawn was a straight vertical line.

I couldn’t even write a word I was so distracted.

Just the letter “I” staring back at me. Where the fuck was I going with this?

I kept staring at it. The more I stared the less it even looked like an “I.” My hand was too shaky.

I’d come here for a fresh start, but I wasn’t fooling anyone. Once a monster, always a monster.

How long have I been staring at the chalkboard?

I heard a shuffling of feet and glanced over my shoulder.

Penny was walking out of the classroom with Tyler. Ditching my class with another guy? Right in front of me? I turned back to the board.

It’s what I wanted, right? For her to move on? To be happy with someone else?

But not Tyler Stevens. Fuck that guy.