Page 150 of Forbidden Billionaires: Vol. 10

Tuesday

I’d told Penny I’d tell her the truth tonight.

The day somehow ticked by extremely slowly and way too quickly at the same time.

And now I was sitting in my car outside her apartment, debating whether to call her or just drive off the side of a cliff or something.

But Delaware was frustratingly flat. I’d barely even seen any hills.

What the fuck am I doing? I pulled out my phone and shot her a text before I could chicken out: "I'm outside."

She didn’t text me back. Penny and I didn’t play dumb games. If she wasn’t texting me, she was probably just coming right out. I took a deep breath and drummed my fingers on the steering wheel.

A few minutes later the door to the back of her dorm building opened and there she was.

I climbed out of the car and walked around to the passenger side door. But instead of opening it, I pulled her in close. I’d missed her all day. I’d been stressed all day, and she always made me feel better. I wished we could go back to New York and just be us.

"Someone will see..."

I silenced her with a kiss. I didn’t care if someone saw. I needed her. And she needed me too, because she immediately kissed me back. She needed the same reassurances that I did. That we were going to be okay.

Penny’s cheeks were flushed when I finally pulled back. "You look so beautiful,” I said.

"You look so handsome.” Her eyes wandered down my neck to where a few of the buttons of my dress shirt were undone.

I strongly doubted I looked good right now. I’d been a fucking mess all day worrying about this conversation. Even the distraction of tweaking my security system didn’t distract me like work normally would.

I just had this fear in my head that this was going to be goodbye. And I knew I couldn’t take it.

I opened up the door for her. She climbed in and I closed it behind her. I took another deep breath as I rounded the car and got in. I buckled my seatbelt and then I just sat there. I didn’t know where to go. I didn’t know how to start this conversation. I didn’t want to.

"Are we going to your place?" Penny asked.

"It's too stifling." I didn’t want to go back there. Picturing Isabella in my apartment made it hard to breathe.

"Maybe we can go for a walk?"

"We can't. Not here."

"You just kissed me outside of my dorm. It's dark. It's fine."

Fair point. And the fresh air would be nice. "Okay." I pulled the car into a parking spot and got out. Penny climbed out before I had a chance to open the door for her.

"I'm not used to dating a gentleman,” she said, the flush back on her cheeks.

"I know." I smiled at her. I was good for her. I really was. Or…I could be.

I grabbed her hand and we walked toward the green.

The area between the dorms was filled with a manicured lawn, walkways, and benches.

And the chilly air had sent most of the students back to their dorms. There was barely anyone out on the brick paths.

I kept my eyes trained on the ground though, hoping to avoid anyone’s gaze.

The last thing I needed was for my almost-stalker Kristen Dwyer to pop out of nowhere and recognize me.

Shit, this was a bad idea. I was pretty sure she lived in one of these dorms.

But it was easier to breathe outside. Especially with Penny’s hand in mine.

Our feet crunched on the fallen leaves. I tried to focus on the sound as we veered down a side path, farther away from the dorms. It was a little easier to breath over here.

We reached a bench that seemed particularly shadowed, and I gestured for her to sit.

I stared at Penny as she sat down. The dim light made her look younger for some reason. She just looked so…innocent. Sitting there staring up at me with her big blue eyes. Or maybe I just felt old because of the conversation we were about to have. I didn’t want to tarnish her. But hadn’t I already?

I sat down next to her and took another deep breath.

"I need to know exactly what she said to you this morning.” I already knew.

But I wanted to see what Penny had to say about the encounter.

What things she was hung up on. What she’d openly tell me about.

Because she wasn’t the only one with trust issues.

"She already knew about me,” Penny said.

"I didn't..."

"I know. She made it clear that you didn't do much talking last time you saw her." She shrugged.

Fucking Wizzy. I sighed. "I'm so, so sorry." I hated how much this hurt Penny. And I hated how thinking about that night made me feel like I was going to be sick. Would that ever go away?

"No, it's fine. Really. I see the appeal."

I frowned.

"Yeah, I'm joking. She's horrible." Penny smiled, but I could tell it was forced.

I put my hand on her knee. "There was a new employee at the front desk. He's been fired."

"James, it wasn't his fault."

"Yes, it was." No, it really wasn’t. Partially, sure. But my phone being on silent shouldn’t have allowed an intruder to break into my home. I’d fixed the problem.

She opened her mouth and closed it again like she was going to protest. But then she changed direction. "She said you only want things you can't have. That's why you like me. Because I'm a student."

"But I do have you." I’d made mistakes, lashing out and saying we were just fucking. But it had just been in the heat of the moment. I’d also told Penny I loved her. She was my girlfriend. I did have her.

"She made it seem like you'll get bored with me and move on to something else."

Well, it didn’t seem like Penny was holding anything back. Which was good. But I didn’t love that she was believing all these lies. Breathe. "I'm not going to do that, Penny."

"I know. You wanted to know what she said."

Oh. So she didn’t believe Isabella? That was good. But…Isabella hadn’t lied about everything.

Penny grabbed my hand. "She said that you're addicted to me."

"I am." I didn’t even hesitate in my response. Despite everything Dr. Clark said, I knew better. He was wrong about this one thing. And Isabella was a bitch, but she was right about this. I was addicted to Penny. Every inch of her.

Stop. I clenched my jaw. I didn’t want to believe I was actually addicted to Penny. And wouldn’t Dr. Clark know? This was his job. He said this was love, not addiction. Maybe he was right.

"She made it seem like that wasn't a good thing."

Yeah, fuck. I squeezed her hand but didn't say anything. I’d tried all day to think of a good way to talk about this. But I was still coming up empty.

"And she said you were withholding information from me. That's it. We didn't talk for that long."

I nodded. That was everything. Penny hadn’t held anything back. And it was time I did the same. "Saying I'm addicted to you is a bad choice of words. I love you. I love spending time with you. I love being with you. I missed you today."

"I missed you too." She stared at me for a moment. "What is your type?"

"What?"

"She said that I'm not even your type."

"I don't have a type." Unless shy, sweet girls from Delaware were a type. I immediately shook the thought away.

"Are you sure it's not tall brunettes?" She smiled at me.

"No." I laughed uneasily. "She's definitely not my type." I wasn’t attracted to Isabella. Not physically. And I definitely wasn’t attracted to her awful personality.

"So you like redheads?"

"You're the only redhead I've ever been with.

I don't have a type. You're it. I don't want to be with anyone else. Just you." Sometimes the truth came easily to me. I wasn’t sure why it was so hard other times. I pressed my lips together. I actually knew why. It would be easier to tell a stranger the truth. This was hard because I loved Penny. And I didn’t want her to look at me differently.

"Don't you trust me?” she asked. “Whatever it is you need to tell me you can."

"I do trust you." There was no reason why I shouldn’t. She’d told me everything Isabella had said.

I was the one with the issues here. Filming Penny without her consent.

Hiding huge chunks of my life from her. I felt a raindrop and looked up at the sky.

For some reason I just kept staring up. Like the rain would give me the answers.

The drops fell faster until it was full on raining.

And I realized we were just sitting in the rain. Penny had just been in the hospital. What the fuck was I doing? I’d promised myself I’d take care of her. I stood up. "Let's get back to the car.”

"James, tell me."

"You're going to get a cold."

"James, tell me!"

"I've already told you. More or less." I raked my fingers through my hair. I had tried. A few times. "I thought you understood." Another lie. I knew the random slip ups and comments I’d dropped weren’t enough. I wanted them to be, but they weren’t. We needed to have a real conversation about this.

"Understood what? What am I not the answer to?" She stood up.

I just stared at her getting drenched by the rain. I’m a monster, Penny. Please don’t make me say it. Standing in the rain staring at her like this reminded me of when we were apart. And it felt like I was losing her all over again.

"What did she mean when she said to stop running?” asked Penny. “What are you running from? Don't push me away again. Don't do what she said you would."

"I was trying to protect you. I told you that."

"But what are you trying to protect me from? Why do you think I shouldn't be with you?”

I didn’t want to say it because I knew it was bad. Obviously it was bad. Why couldn’t we just keep going the way we were? Why did she have to know about my demons?

“It can't possibly be that bad. Just tell me what it is."