Page 122 of Forbidden Billionaires: Vol. 10

Thursday

Sick fuck.

I raked my fingers through my hair.

I’d had a whole thing planned.

It was stupid.

All of this was so fucking stupid.

Penny looked physically ill in class this week. I could tell she wasn’t eating or sleeping. How was her current behavior better than when we were together? Yes, I was a piece of shit. But maybe I at least made her happy. Healthy. Maybe. Fuck, I didn’t know.

I climbed into my car and started the engine.

Usually it was a little easier to not obsess over Penny on the days I didn’t see her in class.

But today was a different kind of hell. I couldn’t stop thinking about her.

And how I should be beside her on her birthday.

I couldn’t really explain it. It was like I could feel that she needed me.

I pulled out my phone for the hundredth time and stared at it, trying to think of something to say.

But no matter what I typed…it would always end in the same way.

I’d played the situation in my head over and over again.

I’d tell her I loved her. And then I’d have to confess that I slept with Isabella while we were on a break.

And then Penny would punch me square in the nose and walk away from me.

I tossed my phone onto the passenger’s seat and put the car in reverse.

I was probably going to regret this. But Ellen had been bugging me nonstop when I decided to lie in bed all day on Sunday instead of going to therapy.

She threatened to leave a couple times this week if I didn’t go see Dr. Clark.

I didn’t believe her. But maybe talking all this out with Dr. Clark would help.

Wishful thinking.

As I drove down Main Street, I wondered if Penny was opening presents right now. Surrounded by her friends. People her own age. I knew she was having a party on Friday night. A joint birthday with her and Melissa. It was Halloween themed. I could easily blend in…

Stop.

I parked outside of Dr. Clark’s office. I already knew what he was going to say.

That I was spiraling. That I needed to get my act together before I slipped.

But I’d already slipped. I stared longingly at the bar down the street.

It would be a lot more bearable if I just blacked out for the rest of Penny’s birthday.

But the last time I blacked out I wound up naked next to Isabella.

Fuck my life. I climbed out of the car and went into Dr. Clark’s office.

The receptionist looked up at me. “Oh. Mr. Hunter. I don’t have you on the schedule today.” She started flipping through some papers on her desk, like she’d made some kind of clerical error.

“I don’t have an appointment. I just need to talk to him real quick. Is he in?” I started walking toward the door.

“Mr. Hunter, wait! He’s with another patient right now.”

I stopped even though I wanted to just storm in. “I really need to see him.”

She nodded. “Okay. But do you mind taking a seat and when his current session is over I can let him know you’re here?”

“How long will it be?”

“Um…” she looked at the clock behind her on the wall. “His session just started. It’ll be at least 50 minutes.”

Seriously? There was no way whatever whack job was in there was paying him more than I was. I sighed when I’d realized I’d basically just called myself a whack job too.

“There’s some magazines,” the receptionist said. “To keep you occupied.”

“Okay,” I said and sat down, when really I just wanted to storm through the door. But it’s not like I had anything better to do anyway. I picked up one of the worn magazines and flipped through a few pages before discarding it on the table.

I leaned back and closed my eyes.

Ellen was the worst.

No, I was the worst.

But it was her fault I was sitting in this shitty waiting room.

***

Someone cleared their throat.

I sat up with a start. Dr. Clark was standing in front of me.

“You requested a word?” He continued to just stand there staring at me.

“Yeah,” I said with a yawn. “Just real quick.”

“It doesn’t have to be quick now. My last patient for the day just left.”

The last one for the day? I glanced over at the clock behind the receptionist’s head. It was after six. Had I seriously been asleep for three hours? And no one thought it was a good idea to wake me up?

“Come with me,” Dr. Clark said. He turned on his heel and went back toward his office.

I grabbed my phone and looked at it quickly before following him in. Penny still hadn’t texted. Because of course she hadn’t. I was the one that told her I needed time to think about things. The ball was in my court and I was seriously fucking it up.

I sat down in the chair across from Dr. Clark.

“Have you been sleeping well at night, James?”

Was that a serious question? Because I was pretty sure the fact that I’d just fallen asleep in the waiting room was answer enough. I glared at him.

“You came here because you wanted to talk. If all you can do is stare at me, I think I’ll call it a day.”

I’d just waited three fucking hours for him in the waiting room.

He closed his notebook and looked like he was going to stand up.

“Wait,” I said. “I…” I didn’t know what I wanted to say. “You have my undivided attention.”

Dr. Clark sighed. “We’ve been over this, James. It’s not about you giving me your undivided attention. It’s about you wanting to be here. You wanting to make progress. You showing up for yourself.”

“I just waited three hours to speak with you.”

“No, you slept for three hours because you’re sleep deprived. And I want to discuss why that is.”

“I don’t want to talk about my sleeping habits.”

“Then what would you like to discuss with me? Because I was under the impression that you fired me.”

“I didn’t fire you.” Not exactly in those words, anyway.

He opened his notebook back up again. “And I quote: You can cancel the rest of my appointments on your calendar. I won’t be returning.”

“Well, I barely remember saying that.” It had been in the heat of the moment, of course I hadn’t really meant it.

“Because you’d been drinking. Heavily I presume. Returning to old vices. Why do you think that is?”

Dr. Clark always did some kind of voodoo magic to make me talk about whatever he wanted to talk about.

But it wasn’t working today. I’d come here for only one reason.

“I don’t think Penny has been eating. Or sleeping.

So I think that maybe not being with me is bad for her. Worse than actually being with me.”

He jotted down a few notes. “Are you asking me? Or telling me?”

“I’m…telling you. I think maybe she’s better off with me.”

“Better off how exactly?”

Was it just me, or was Dr. Clark being extra saucy with me today? “Well…she was eating when we were dating. And I think we both slept better when we shared a bed.”

“Is that why you haven’t been sleeping? Because you don’t like to be alone at night?”

He was acting like I was scared of the dark or something. “I’m here to talk about Penny.”

“And I’m here to talk about you,” Dr. Clark said. “James, you made the decision to date one of your students. You made the decision to break up with her. This is all about you .”

“I didn’t break up with her. I told her I needed some space to think.”

“So you’ve taken that time to ponder your relationship and you’ve come to the conclusion that she’s better with you than without you. Because when you two dated she ate and slept? Is that correct?”

Seriously, so saucy. “Yes, that’s correct.”

“I don’t think her eating and sleeping habits should be the reason you get back together with her. You should be in a relationship because of the connection you two have. The love that you share.”

“I didn’t say I wanted to get back together with her so she’d eat more.” Although, I would definitely like to eat her. I’d really missed that.

He looked down at his notes. “And I quote - I don’t think Penny has been eating. Or sleeping. So I think that maybe not being with me is bad for her. Worse than actually being with me.”

“That’s just one piece of it.”

“And the other piece? How have you been coping without her?”

He knew that I wasn’t doing well. “I miss her.”

“So why are you telling me that? You should be telling that to her.”

“I’m trying to do the right thing.”

“James, you came here in hopes that I’d agree with you, yes?

To give you peace of mind that Penny is better off with you than without you?

But I can’t decide that. That’s a choice you have to make.

And if you make it, I hope you believe it.

I hope you’ll stay clean for her sake, but most importantly for your sake. ”

“So you think I should speak with her again?”

Dr. Clark sighed. “That’s not at all what I just said, and you know it. James, how does being with Penny make you feel?”

“Right now? Seeing her feels like shit. But when we were together…she made me feel better. She made me feel like I wasn’t so fucked up. I don’t…I don’t need anything else when I’m with her.”

“And by anything else you mean drugs?”

I pressed my lips together.

“James, you are not addicted to Penny.” It was like he knew exactly where my thoughts had wandered. “She makes you happy. She makes you not turn to vices because you’re happy when you’re together. That’s love. Not addiction.”

I nodded. “So it is a good idea to try and fix things?”

“Do you think it’s a good idea?”

“Dr. Clark, it’s a simple question.”

He adjusted his glasses. “It is. So answer it.”

“Are you acting this way because I tried to fire you?”

“How am I acting? I’m simply trying to get to the root of your problem. You haven’t been showing up for appointments. I’ve been getting worried voicemails from Ellen at all hours.”

So…he was being purposely rude? “I don’t think you realize how your behavior affects others, James.”

I felt bad for worrying Ellen. I truly did. That’s why I was here. Well, partially. I was mostly here to get Dr. Clark to tell me it was a good idea to continue my relationship with Penny. But he clearly wasn’t taking the bait.