Page 124 of Forbidden Billionaires: Vol. 10

Thursday

This time tomorrow, Penny would be getting ready for her birthday party. Or maybe she was going out tonight too. Getting drunk somewhere with her friends. I looked at my phone for the hundredth time. I hoped she was safe. I hoped that she knew she could still call me if she needed a ride home.

But she wouldn’t call me. Not until I fixed things.

That had been my plan when I went to New York.

To finalize my divorce and prove to Penny that I was all in.

And I was still all in. Nothing had changed.

I could think about this for a million years and I’d always come back to the same conclusion.

I was bad for her. But I still wanted her. And I’d never stop wanting her.

Addict.

I ignored the voice in my head. Dr. Clark said it wasn’t addiction. He said it was love. And for once, I was choosing to believe him. Even though I feared he was wrong.

I grabbed a sheet of paper and tried not to think about anything. I just lifted up a pen, ignoring my shaking hand, and started writing.

Penny,

I woke up late the first morning that classes started.

I wouldn't have come into the coffee shop at that moment unless I had forgotten to set my alarm.

Who knew that such a small thing could change the rest of my life?

You've captivated me from the very start.

You're timid, yet bold. You're humorous, yet sincere.

You're young, yet wise. You're gorgeous and you don't know it.

You're contradictory, and challenging, and passionate.

And I love you. I love you with all I am.

These past few weeks have been the hardest of my life.

Because you have captivated me, body and soul.

I eat, breathe, and dream you. And when you're not beside me, I feel such loss.

When I see you in class, I can no longer breathe.

When I think about you, I can no longer eat.

And only nightmares of losing you accompany me in slumber.

I thought I knew what love was. But I was wrong. The love I have for you is something that I have never known. It is constant and all consuming and it terrifies me. The only thing scarier than realizing what my love for you is, is the fact that I have lost that love.

I wanted to protect you. I didn't want to drag you into my darkness.

But I realize that when I am with you, I am not the man I once was.

When you look at me, I can feel the way you see me, and I become something better.

I want to be the man that you need. And I feel like I can be everything you want.

But you need to know that I have many flaws.

And one of them is weakness. When I realized my feelings for you, I left.

I left you, and I have never regretted anything so much in my life.

Because without you, I am not living. Only with you am I strong.

Only with you am I good. Only with you am I whole.

And I am selfish. Because I want you to be with me despite my demons.

I want to kiss you every morning when you wake up in my arms. I want to whisper I love you in your ear before we fall asleep at night.

I want my days to be consumed by your love.

And I want you to love me back even though I am telling you that I am not good for you.

Because it is your choice. I tried to stay away from you and I cannot.

I am not a good man. But if you choose me I will not push you away again.

I will trust your judgment. And every ounce of me hopes that you'll make a mistake and come back to me.

Every fiber of my being wants you to make the wrong choice.

And if you do, I promise to be the best that I can be for you.

I don't care that you lied to me. I don't care that you only just turned 20. I don't care that you are a student in my class. All I care about is you, Penny. My greatest love.

I put my pen down.

Dr. Clark was right. That did feel good.

I hadn’t mentioned what happened with Isabella, but that seemed like a better thing to confess in person. For Penny’s birthday, I just wanted her to know how much I loved her. And that I was going to fight for her forgiveness.

I grabbed a copy of my divorce papers that showed my signature. I couldn’t give her the finalized papers. But I could show her that I was serious. I folded the two sheets and slid them into an envelope.

I also added the VIP tickets I’d had Ian order for the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade.

There.

It was done.

I stared at the envelope. Now I just needed to figure out if I was actually going to give it to her. Or tear it in half and throw it in the trash.

I stared at the envelope for hours. Literally hours. I looked at it almost as much as I did my phone.

Students partaking in Thirsty Thursday were already getting rowdy outside. I could hear the laughter from Main Street.

And I kept sitting at my desk, staring at the envelope. Penny was officially 20 years old now. She wasn’t a teenager. That made everything better, right? I could give her this letter today. We were both adults. She could form her own decision.

But I still didn’t move.

I’d stayed away from her. It had taken every ounce of restraint I possessed, but I still did it. Because a part of me felt like that was the right thing here. To give her the space to move on. To find someone her own age. Someone good for her. Not that dickhead Tyler.

So…had she? For some reason I was expecting her to call. Or text. Or…something.

But she was probably thinking the same of me. It was her birthday for Christ’s sake and I was sitting in my apartment alone instead of with her.

I’d resisted for days, but I turned on my computer. I opened up the camera footage from outside her dorm. And I just stared at it. But everyone that was going out for the night had probably already left.

So I rewound the footage. Back to this morning to see her leave for her first class of the day. Maybe seeing her would be the answer I needed. If I could just see her smile…I’d stay away. For her. I’d do it for her. I just needed to see one tiny smile.

A few students came in and out of the dorm, but none of them were Penny.

Was she lying in bed this morning as depressed as me?

I continued to stare at the screen. I just stared and stared until finally, she emerged.

For just a second, it was a little easier to breathe.

She was walking next to Melissa. Melissa was smiling and laughing about something. But Penny wasn’t. I zoomed in on her face and froze the frame.

It was her birthday. And she looked even sadder than she had in class yesterday.

She should have been smiling and laughing and screaming my name with my cock deep inside of her.

Fuck.

I slammed the lid of my laptop shut. What the hell was I supposed to do if this was a lose-lose situation for her?

***

I ran to her dormitory.

Then I ran back to my apartment.

Then back to her dorm.

Then back to my apartment.

I literally ran back and forth, with the envelope in my hoodie pocket, trying to decide what the fuck to do. Until I realized that the best thing to do was try to run the idea of seeing her out of my system.

So I ran farther. Faster. I ran until it hurt more than usual to breathe. Until my lungs ached. Until I knew it was past midnight.

I’d missed her birthday.

I hadn’t said a fucking word.

And I regretted it. But at the same time…I didn’t. Because Penny was strong. She’d move on. She’d find someone new. Someone who wasn’t so fucked up in the head. And then…she’d be happy. Way happier than she would be if she stayed with me.

I collapsed on a bench on Main Street to try to catch my breath.

My phone buzzed in my pocket and I pulled it out.

I had a message from Penny. After days of praying she’d speak to me, now I didn’t even want to read it. But her name lit up on my screen was too much of a temptation to resist. I clicked on the message.

"I had a great birthday. Thanks for remembering, Professor Hunter. I assume you had something super fancy and prestigious to do tonight. Sorry I wasted so much of your precious time. I hope you have a great life."

I’d remembered.

I’d been tormented for days.

And every second I’d spent with her were the best moments I’d had in a long time.

My time wasn’t precious. My time felt endless. That’s what days without her were…an endless hell.

I hope you have a great life.

She was done. She was ready to move on. It’s what I wanted and yet…I just wanted to scream.

I had my answer.

And I didn’t want it. I didn’t want any fucking piece of it. I just wanted her.

I put my face in my hands and leaned forward. I buried my fingers in my hair and just stared at the ground. And stared. And stared.

I hope you have a great life.

How the fuck was I supposed to do that without her in it?

But it wasn’t about me.

None of this was about me.

It was about her. And what was best for her. And I certainly wasn’t it. I was a washed up drunk. I’d fucked a teenager. I’d fucked a student. I was a piece of shit.

I pulled the envelope out of my pocket. I went to rip it in half. But my hands froze again. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t even do this one thing.

I tossed the envelope onto the bench and put my face in my hands.

Penny was ready to move on.

And I already knew I was going to fuck it all up for her. I was going to ruin her life. And I knew I didn’t have enough self-control to stop myself from doing it.

I wanted to be a good man for Penny.

But at the same time, I knew that a good man would walk away.

None of that mattered. I couldn’t stop. I didn’t know how to stop. What mattered was that when I wanted something I got it. I worked my ass off for every single thing in my life. And I could put all that energy into getting Penny back.

I swallowed hard. But what if Penny said no? What if she told me to fuck off?

I’d have to walk away for good. I’d have to live the rest of my life in hell.

But sitting here doing nothing was just delaying the inevitable.

Shit. For once, was Dr. Clark actually right? Was I seriously scared of rejection?

That wasn’t me. Fuck no.

It was time I won my girl back.