Page 93 of Falling for You

‘Heartless …’ he says, giving me a shake. ‘Totally heartless.’

We stop outside a chipped blue door, hidden between two buildings. I notice that a fabric shop I love is on the other side of the street. I’m about to comment when Nate pushes the door open.

‘After you,’ he says, bowing deeply like we’ve walked straight out ofGame of Thrones. I laugh, skipping past him and into the dank hallway. ‘Right,’ he says as we reach the third floor, ‘I think I’m going to need to get straight in theshower.’ He gives the door to the flat a kick and it pops open. ‘Make yourself at home.’ He gestures to the living room. ‘I don’t have any tea, I’m afraid,’ he says. ‘But I’ll make you a coffee if you like.’

I wave him away. ‘I’m fine,’ I say. ‘Go have your shower. I’ll be here.’

I give him a look over my shoulder and he grins at me. ‘I’ll be two minutes.’

I take a look at the flat. It’s got the grey, lifeless walls that all rented flats seem to have, but they’re covered in bright pictures and swathes of fabric, and the room is full of plants. They have a bookcase, with a few books stacked on top of each other and a …

My heart stops as my eyes land on the electric-pink piece of clothing, hooked over the arm of a chair.

A bra.

I step towards it, and as I do I notice some tights hanging next to it. Lipstick on the table.

I pick the bra up.

Why is there a bra here? Whose is it? Nate just told me that there wasn’t anyone else. I asked him. He said …

He was lying.

My mind races as everything clunks into place.

This is why he didn’t message me. He was with someone else. Other girls have been here, with Nate. Like I waswith Natelast night. Kissing, touching, dragging each other’s clothes off … He made me feel so special but I’m not, am I? It was all just words to him. Of course I’m nobody special to him, we’ve only met three times for God’s sake. I’m just another girl.

Another, stupid girl.

I’m frozen to the spot, when my eyes land on a note on the table.

I’ll be out all weekend. Sorry I was a dick. Call Jane, she’ll cheer you up!

Jane …

I hear the shower click off, and before I can give myself a moment to think, I grab my bag and run towards the door. I can’t be here when he gets out, standing stupidly in his living room all bright-eyed and excited for our day together. He’ll laugh off the bra, telling me it was just some girl and it didn’t matter because we were just dating, right? It was no big deal, right? And I’ll have to stand opposite him and let the realisation wash over me that I still haven’t learnt my lesson. Guys aren’t serious about me. Not when there is someone better waiting round the corner.

How could I be so stupid as to fall for all this again? When will I learn? What is wrong with me?

I slam the door shut and run down the stairs, trying to fight the panic that’s boiling up. I jump on the first bus I see, and send a final message to Nate.

We’re not right for each other.

And then I block his number.

I rest my head against my headboard, closing my heavy eyes. They burn as I shut them, as if they’re begging me to keep them closed so they can have a break from the tears I’ve cried in the past hour. I got back at about three this afternoon and have been alone ever since.

The longer I spent on the bus, alone with my thoughts, the more it all made sense.

He ran out the first time we met when his phone rang, he said he was only at the speed dating to help out a friend, he didn’t message me back after our first date …

He was never serious about me. Of course he wasn’t. He didn’t feel any of the feelings I did. I was just one of many girls to him.

I switched my phone off as soon as I sent the message. I knew Nate wouldn’t be able to message me, but, worse than that, I couldn’t face my parents. I couldn’t deal with the excited, bubbly messages that were about to pop through from them both, asking how our journey back was and when we’d be coming to stay again. Saying how much they loved Nate and howniceit was to see meso happy.

A part of me tried to wonder if I’d got it wrong. Could the bra have belonged to a friend? But a friend doesn’t leave without a bra, do they? You only take your bra off with a guy if you’re …

My eyes sting. I don’t want to think about it.