Page 110 of Falling for You

‘That’ll make her so happy,’ I say.

Aunt Tell gives me a small smile. ‘It’ll make me happy too.’

CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE

Annie

I take a deep breath and look at myself in the mirror as the lift skims up to the third floor.

I’m wearing a white woollen jumper and grey fitted trousers with smart, shiny shoes. The only glimmer of colour is the scarf in my hair, wrapped around my ponytail. I’m wearing my most professional, corporate outfit. Everything was bought in a high-street shop; nothing was made by me. It matches my expression: cold, serious.

After Nate left me in the smoking area, I should have gone back inside. Part of me wondered whether I should have chased after him. If I’d chased after him after the first time we met, all those weeks ago at the Halloween masquerade ball, would any of this have happened? But I couldn’t. I heard him loud and clear. He’d lost the sparkle behind his eyes and the grin that pulled at the corners of his mouth. He looked exhausted. He’d made his decision, just like I’d made my decision a week before.

I sank into the corner where he’d been sitting, under the heated lamp, and just stared, my mind buzzing. Tears fell from my eyes of their own accord, like my body was grievinghim without my mind clicking into place. I don’t know how long I sat there for, but eventually Tanya and Penny came tumbling out. I don’t know how drunk they were, but as soon as they saw me they snapped into protective-best-friend mode and bundled me up, insisting that we all go home. I didn’t even get to speak to Stevie Trixx after her show and tell her how great she looked.

The next morning I woke up feeling like I’d stepped into a new chapter of my life. A week ago, my life was full of colour. I was riding high on excitement and that lovely, giddy feeling of ‘what if’? What if I did take my business more seriously and create costumes and outfits full-time? What if I did spend my days sewing, designing and creating pieces I really loved? What if Nate was as great as I thought he was? What if I’d found the one? What if this was going to be my life now, forever?

Stupid. It’s laughable now, all of it. I’m thirty-two and I was dancing around acting like a teenager. So, when I woke up yesterday morning, everything felt a bit clearer. Colder, but clearer.

I was going to accept the CEO job. Mum could take over the business, and I could make the odd costume if I had the time or if she needed help. But I was going to take control of my life and do this job. I’d get myself a flat and stand on my own two feet. It was the right thing to do. Just like letting Nate walk away was the right thing to do. Both made me feel like I was about to die, but that didn’t matter. Nobody cares about your dreams when you’re an adult; it’s just taken me far longer than everyone else to realise it.

I smooth my hair down as the lift pings open. For the second time in the past week, I’m surprised to see Pam isn’t hunched over her laptop, staring at it like she’s being hypnotised. I look around, before I hear her laughter coming from the kitchen.

‘Pam?’ I call, following the sound of her voice.

As I walk into the kitchen, I see Pam and Rodney, their arms around each other as they sway back and forth to the radio. They’re both laughing as Rodney holds out his arm and spins Pam round like a ballroom dancer, tipping her back and making her squeal. Rodney lifts her back up and spots me, suddenly looking incredibly embarrassed.

‘I’m so sorry, Annie,’ he says, his body immediately snapping back to the stiff, upright posture that I’m used to seeing. ‘We didn’t realise you were here.’

Pam flicks her hair back into place, her cheeks pink. She looks at her reflection in the toaster and turns to face me.

‘I dragged Rodney into work with me today,’ she says.

‘I have a meeting at eleven in Moorgate,’ Rodney explains. ‘So I thought I could pop by.’

‘That song was played at our wedding,’ Pam says, gesturing to the radio as the final bars of ‘Be My Baby’ fade into a Lady Gaga song.

Rodney looks down at Pam and they catch eyes, their faces glowing as they beam at each other. It makes my heart ache.

‘How long have you been married?’ I ask.

‘Thirty-seven years!’ they chorus.

‘And this is the first time he’s come into work with me!’ Pam says.

Rodney pulls a face. ‘That’s not true. I’m your accountant.’

‘You were myhusbandfirst.’

She nestles into his chest and I feel myself grow warm. God, thirty-seven years together and they’re still dancing with each other in the kitchen. How have they done it?

‘Anyway!’ Pam claps her hands and takes her foamy coffee out from under the machine. ‘It’s a Monday and we are at work, so let’s get to it.’

She gives Rodney a crisp clap on the shoulder and he nods, suddenly back to looking like Rodney, our accountant, rather than Rodney, Pam’s husband.

‘Where’s everyone else?’ he says, picking up his briefcase. ‘You have seven employees on your books.’

The corners of his mouth are turning up in amusement, but Pam waves a hand at him dismissively. ‘It’s always just me and Annie for the first hour or so,’ she says, dropping into her wheely chair with such force that it starts to spin round. She grabs the corner of her desk and pulls herself towards her laptop, immediately adopting her natural position: hunched over, craned over the keyboard, chest and elbows bent forward, like the laptop is her only source of oxygen.