Page 90 of Falling for You

She looks up at me, my heart lifting as her big brown eyes meet mine. Her chin tilts and I put my hand on her cheek; our lips are inches away and so I—

‘ANNIE! Naaa-aaate! Would you like a cup of tea?’

We jump apart and Annie quickly ruffles her hair, moving towards the door.

‘Come on,’ she says.

‘Do you believe in the universe?’

It’s an hour or so later and we’re both lying on her bed, facing the ceiling. Annie’s shoulder is next to mine, and we’ve been staring at the glow-in-the-dark stars stuck onto the ceiling with Blu Tack. Annie said they’d been up there since she was a baby, and her mom and dad couldn’t bring themselves to take them down.

She gives me a sceptical look. ‘Are you about to tell me that you’re a flat earther?’

‘Just answer the question.’ I smile back, shifting my right arm so it’s under my head.

‘Well, what do you mean?’ she asks.

The room is dark apart from the yellowy-green stars above us and the pale light of the moon beaming through the paned window.

‘Do you believe that everything happens for a reason?’ I say, after taking a moment to put my thoughts in order. ‘Like, do you believe that everything that happens is meant to happen?’

She pauses. ‘Sometimes, I guess.’

‘I do.’

‘Yeah?’ She glances up at me.

‘I think I kind of have to at this point.’

‘What do you mean?’

I pause, the flicker of anxiety pinching at my chest as Mom’s face pops into my mind. I’m about to push it back down and give Annie some generic reason, but I stop myself. I feel safe with her. ‘You know I told you my mom isn’t well?’ I say, keeping my eyes fixed on the stars. ‘Well, she’s the best person I know, and she started getting sick a few years ago. Sometimes, believing the universe has a big plan for us all is the only thing that keeps me sane. Although fuck knows why Mom having dementia needs to be part of any plan. There is no bright side to that, it’s only shit. She doesn’t deserve it.’ I sigh, and then I feel Annie’s hand fold into mine.

‘I’m really sorry, Nate.’

I run my fingers through my hair, feeling a weight lift off my chest. I haven’t ever said that out loud to anyone.

‘It’s why I sent you such a weird message last week …’ I admit. ‘We’d had a bit of a scare. She’s fine, but I … I don’t know.’

She squeezes my hand and I glance at her.

‘This is my issue with the universe,’ she sighs, ‘like, it’s fun to believe in it when everything in your life is going well, but what about when it’s not? There are so many awful things happening all over the world, every day. If the universe is here to look after us all and it has a plan for everyone … why do some people get a plan like that and others get, you know … nice plans?’

I digest the weight of her words when she sniggers.

‘Sorry,’ she says, ‘that was really depressing.’

I shrug. ‘It’s true, though.’

‘Ask me another question,’ she says, shaking my hand, ‘quickly, before I kill the mood entirely.’

I furrow my brow. ‘Err …’

‘Come on, anything.’

‘Okay,’ I say, ‘I’ve got it. What other dreamy men did you meet at the speed dating? I’m sure they were all falling all over you.’

She snorts. ‘Hardly.’