Page 42 of Falling for You

Annie

Okay, so there were a few things I was expecting to happen this weekend. I was expecting a nice meal with my parents, a good night’s sleep in my childhood bedroom and an overall morale boost about life in general, and to leave with a Tupperware of cake under my arm.

I was not expecting to have sex with Nate.

I catch eyes with him and immediately laugh, as I have done every time he’s looked at me since we woke up this morning.

It’s funny; as soon as he kissed me, it was like I couldn’t stop myself.

It broke down a barrier I hadn’t even known was there.

Last night, I ran my hands all over him, pressing his chest into mine and kissing him hungrily.

His firm hands cupped my body, held my face and gripped onto me like he never wanted to let me go.

It was different to anyone else I had been with; it felt like we were meant to be together.

I know. Someone pass the sick bucket. But it’s true.

And then the next morning, I couldn’t stop myself from holding his hand, putting my arm around his waist or laughing as he kissed me.

I didn’t even care that Mum and Dad were practically somersaulting off the walls when we walked downstairs, hand in hand.

It just felt like the most natural thing in the world.

Like my hand was meant to be in his. It’s where it belonged.

Thankfully, the snow seemed to have evaporated overnight, leaving behind only a scattering of silver icicles, which meant that the trains were back on.

The four of us had breakfast, Mum pulled out a fresh loaf of bread and we all sang happy birthday to Dad over flickering candles that proudly stood atop a glistening, gooey chocolate cake.

We had coffee and cake, toast and jam, and in that moment it felt as though I didn’t have any problems at all.

Tanya and Penny hadn’t just told me that they were moving out; I wasn’t going to have to find somewhere else to live; a flat share with strangers wasn’t looming at me from around the corner.

Or if it was, it didn’t matter. None of it mattered.

‘Will your brother be in?’ I ask Nate, as the train pulls up to Paddington. He picks up my bag before I can protest, swinging it round his broad shoulders like it’s filled with feathers.

He shakes his head as we make our way through the station. ‘Unlikely, he’s out a lot.’

‘Oh yeah?’ I grin. ‘Out with the ladies?’

Nate smiles to himself. ‘He’s gay, so more likely to be out with the guys. He works a lot, too.’

I nod as we weave between the crowds and jump onto the tube. ‘What about you?’ I say, trying my best to sound nonchalant, even though it’s a question that’s been buzzing in my mind since he kissed me.

‘What about me?’

‘Are you out with the ladies much?’

I feel myself burn with embarrassment, but it’s something I’ve been trying to ask him all day.

Was last night something he does with lots of girls?

He doesn’t seem that way … but I’ve been wrong about that before.

And fuck, I feel like I’ve given my heart to him now.

I don’t know what I’d do if I was one of many.

Nate laughs, giving my hand a squeeze. ‘Only you, Annie.’ My heart glows.

Only you, Annie.

An image pops into my head of Nate with another girl and I feel my insides squeeze. I quickly shake it out of my mind.

He just told you he isn’t seeing anyone else. You have to trust him.

‘You look pretty happy about that,’ he smiles.

I tuck my hair behind my ear. ‘I just … well, like I said, I’m not a big dater. So last night …’ I trail off and Nate swings our combined hands around my shoulders so he’s fully wrapped around me.

‘It meant a lot to me too,’ he says, and before I can say anything he spins me back out so we’re side by side again and I laugh.

‘Are you rushing back home?’ he asks.

I smile, my hand warm inside his. ‘I don’t have to be.’

‘I only live round the corner,’ he says. ‘Why don’t you come in?’

‘For a cup of tea?’ I tease.

Nate grimaces. ‘Not unless you really, really want one.’

I laugh as we walk through the barrier and onto the streets of London.

It’s like the snow from yesterday never existed; the streets are back to being grey, glistening slightly under the rain.

People are hurrying along with their shoulders hunched, their elbows tucked in and their eyes firmly fixed ahead.

‘This way,’ Nate says, steering me round a corner. ‘I thought we could – ah!’

I flinch as a car skirts past us, drenching Nate from head to toe in wet grey sludge. He yelps, jumping back as his trousers cling to his legs. ‘Oh my God!’ I gasp. ‘Are you all right?’

He looks down at himself. ‘I’m fine. I … are you laughing?’

I can’t help it, the giggles bubble up inside me and before I can stop myself, I’m doubled over, trying to hide my face. I don’t know what it is, but I can’t stop laughing when I’m with him. It’s like he just fills me with this happy, excited energy.

‘You are laughing!’ he cries. ‘After I just saved you.’

‘I’m sorry …’ I manage between laughs. ‘I just …’

He rolls his eyes, putting a heavy arm over my shoulders and steering me along the pavement.

‘Heartless …’ he says, giving me a shake. ‘Totally heartless.’

We stop outside a chipped blue door, hidden between two buildings. I notice that a fabric shop I love is on the other side of the street. I’m about to comment when Nate pushes the door open.

‘After you,’ he says, bowing deeply like we’ve walked straight out of Game of Thrones .

I laugh, skipping past him and into the dank hallway.

‘Right,’ he says as we reach the third floor, ‘I think I’m going to need to get straight in the shower.

’ He gives the door to the flat a kick and it pops open.

‘Make yourself at home.’ He gestures to the living room.

‘I don’t have any tea, I’m afraid,’ he says.

‘But I’ll make you a coffee if you like. ’

I wave him away. ‘I’m fine,’ I say. ‘Go have your shower. I’ll be here.’

I give him a look over my shoulder and he grins at me. ‘I’ll be two minutes.’

I take a look at the flat. It’s got the grey, lifeless walls that all rented flats seem to have, but they’re covered in bright pictures and swathes of fabric, and the room is full of plants. They have a bookcase, with a few books stacked on top of each other and a …

My heart stops as my eyes land on the electric-pink piece of clothing, hooked over the arm of a chair.

A bra.

I step towards it, and as I do I notice some tights hanging next to it. Lipstick on the table.

I pick the bra up.

Why is there a bra here? Whose is it? Nate just told me that there wasn’t anyone else. I asked him. He said …

He was lying.

My mind races as everything clunks into place.

This is why he didn’t message me. He was with someone else.

Other girls have been here, with Nate. Like I was with Nate last night.

Kissing, touching, dragging each other’s clothes off …

He made me feel so special but I’m not, am I?

It was all just words to him. Of course I’m nobody special to him, we’ve only met three times for God’s sake. I’m just another girl.

Another, stupid girl.

I’m frozen to the spot, when my eyes land on a note on the table.

I’ll be out all weekend. Sorry I was a dick. Call Jane, she’ll cheer you up!

Jane …

I hear the shower click off, and before I can give myself a moment to think, I grab my bag and run towards the door.

I can’t be here when he gets out, standing stupidly in his living room all bright-eyed and excited for our day together.

He’ll laugh off the bra, telling me it was just some girl and it didn’t matter because we were just dating, right?

It was no big deal, right? And I’ll have to stand opposite him and let the realisation wash over me that I still haven’t learnt my lesson.

Guys aren’t serious about me. Not when there is someone better waiting round the corner.

How could I be so stupid as to fall for all this again? When will I learn? What is wrong with me?

I slam the door shut and run down the stairs, trying to fight the panic that’s boiling up. I jump on the first bus I see, and send a final message to Nate.

We’re not right for each other.

And then I block his number.

I rest my head against my headboard, closing my heavy eyes. They burn as I shut them, as if they’re begging me to keep them closed so they can have a break from the tears I’ve cried in the past hour. I got back at about three this afternoon and have been alone ever since.

The longer I spent on the bus, alone with my thoughts, the more it all made sense.

He ran out the first time we met when his phone rang, he said he was only at the speed dating to help out a friend, he didn’t message me back after our first date …

He was never serious about me. Of course he wasn’t. He didn’t feel any of the feelings I did. I was just one of many girls to him.

I switched my phone off as soon as I sent the message.

I knew Nate wouldn’t be able to message me, but, worse than that, I couldn’t face my parents.

I couldn’t deal with the excited, bubbly messages that were about to pop through from them both, asking how our journey back was and when we’d be coming to stay again.

Saying how much they loved Nate and how nice it was to see me so happy .

A part of me tried to wonder if I’d got it wrong. Could the bra have belonged to a friend? But a friend doesn’t leave without a bra, do they? You only take your bra off with a guy if you’re …

My eyes sting. I don’t want to think about it.

I wince as I hear a knock on my bedroom door and peel an eye open to see Tanya and Penny poking their heads around. As soon as Tanya sees me, she gasps and runs straight over, throwing her arms around my neck. This just makes me cry all over again.

‘Oh my God, Annie! What’s wrong?’

‘What’s going on? Is everyone okay?’ I feel a thud next to me as Penny sits on the bed.

‘Is it about us?’ Tanya says, her arms still firmly gripped around my body. ‘We’ve been feeling so awful about it all weekend. I’m thinking about not taking the job so I can stay here with you both.’

‘And I’ll make Mike move in here,’ Penny adds. ‘It’ll be fine.’

I take a deep breath, my face hot from being squashed into Tanya’s face, and dab my cheeks with the back of my hands.

‘No,’ I say. ‘It’s not that.’

‘Well, then what?’ Tanya asks, her eyes wide. ‘What is it?’

‘Hang on.’ Penny holds up a hand. ‘Do we need tea, or wine?’

‘Wine,’ Tanya and I say in unison.

‘Okay.’ Penny scrambles to her feet. ‘Don’t start without me.’

Twenty minutes later and I’ve finished telling them the whole story.

How I bumped into Nate at the train station, how my parents took him in, how we had dinner together, how we chatted, alone, for hours, how we kissed, how we slept together …

how I found women’s underwear in his flat, strewn across the floor like they’d been freshly ripped off someone else’s body.

The note telling him to call Jane if he needed ‘cheering up’.

‘Oh my God !’ Tanya cries. ‘I can’t … I can’t believe that.’

‘What a bastard!’ Penny snarls, refilling my wine glass.

‘And you’re sure that’s what it was?’ Tanya says desperately. ‘You’re sure the bra didn’t belong to another flatmate, or a mate, or …’

I shake my head. ‘It’s just him and his brother, who’s gay. He said it was just the two of them. And he told me there wasn’t anyone else, I asked him.’

‘Fuck,’ Tanya holds her hands to her forehead, ‘I just … I’m so sorry, Annie. I can’t believe it.’

‘Neither can I.’

I take a deep breath, but it’s no use, my eyes are brimming with tears again in seconds.

‘Oh, Annie!’ Tanya wails. ‘Please don’t cry over him, he’s not worth it.’

‘What can we do to make you feel better?’ Penny says, leaning forward and touching my leg.

I shrug, rubbing my eyes. Tanya and Penny look at each other.

‘Okay,’ Tanya says. ‘That’s okay. We can sort this. I’ll run a bath.’

‘And I’ll make us a great dinner,’ Penny nods.

‘We can watch I’m a Celebrity tonight,’ Tanya adds. ‘And I think we have more chocolate.’

‘And more wine.’

‘Please don’t,’ I smile weakly. ‘You girls don’t have to.’

Tanya gives me a warning look. ‘It’s what girlfriends are for.’

‘Oh!’ Penny adds, turning on her heel as she’s about to leave the room. ‘I think I have face packs, and I bought a new candle this weekend.’

I look at her through misted eyes. ‘You girls really are the best.’

And then I start crying all over again.