Page 48 of Falling for You

Annie

For goodness’ sake, why am I crying again ?

I dab the heel of my hand against my eyes, but they well up again almost immediately. I can’t help it. I’m so full of emotion that it’s literally spilling out of my eyes.

Stevie Trixx came on stage about thirty seconds ago, and I can’t stop staring at her.

She’s amazing, there’s no doubt about that.

She’s split-leaping and jumping across the stage, dancing and spinning and making the crowd go wild.

But it’s not just that: she’s wearing the outfit I made for her … and she looks incredible.

It fits her so much better than I could have imagined.

It cinches her waist perfectly and billows out around her like cascades of water.

The monkey on the back of the cape sparks every time the light catches it, like it’s winking at the audience.

Stevie was beside himself when I gave it to him.

I guess, to him, I was just a random girl in a sewing shop that Jade vouched for.

He was so desperate, I think he would have taken anyone’s arm off who had a functioning sewing machine.

I’d asked him if I could play around with the design a bit, promising to keep it to the Wicked Witch of the West. And well, I don’t think he was expecting what I gave him.

He was gobsmacked. So much so that he insisted on giving me, Penny and Tanya tickets to see his show that same night, saying I had to see him wear it in person.

It’s the first time I’ve ever seen a client actually wear the costume rather than just getting a static photo.

I could see the way it fitted her body properly, how it moved, how it caught the light, how it bent with her curves.

I take a sip of my prosecco and laugh as Tanya screams, throwing her arm in the air.

‘God, she is so amazing,’ Penny shouts in my ear. ‘And she looks insane . I can’t believe you made that.’

‘I didn’t make all of it,’ I yell back. ‘I just tweaked it.’

Penny nudges me in the ribs. ‘Annie, that costume has you written all over it.’

I laugh. She’s right. I was so emotional yesterday when I was making it that I let myself go a bit wild with it.

Normally, when I’m working on a commission I’ll pull it back a bit, make sure that it isn’t too ‘me’, in case it’s too much for the customer.

But I didn’t care with this one. I only panicked when I was waiting for Stevie, back at the fabric shop, in case I’d ruined his dress and, therefore, his career and – in my anxious, dramatic state of mind – his life.

But it was the opposite: Stevie said it was the best dress he’d ever had.

It’s a miracle I didn’t burst into tears right in front of him.

I finish my prosecco as Tanya hands us both another glass.

We decided that I’d take a few days to really think about Pam’s offer and not make any rash decisions.

So, with that in mind, I decided that I really didn’t want to talk about it.

Instead, I would just like to pretend that none of these big, scary life choices were happening to me, and actually, Penny, Tanya and I were staying in our flat and renewing the lease for another ten years.

I pull out my phone and take a picture of Stevie to send to Mum and Dad. God, they’ll love this. If they lived nearer then I would have got them tickets. Although I—

‘Annie?’

I almost drop my glass in shock as there, standing metres away from me, is Nate.

A whole tsunami of emotions crashes over me. Love, excitement, fear, hurt, anger, humiliation. I’m so paralysed by all the feelings coursing through me that I freeze to the spot.

Penny eyes me and then turns to Nate. ‘Hey,’ she says. ‘I’m Penny.’

‘Nate.’

‘Oh hi … Nate?’ Penny gasps, immediately hitting Tanya. ‘This is Nate !’

Tanya spins on the spot and eyeballs Nate, but his eyes are fixed on mine. ‘Not the Nate?’ She glares at me for confirmation and then turns back to him. ‘Well! I have a few things I would like to say to you !’

‘What are you doing here?’ I say, cutting across Tanya quickly before she starts verbally undressing him. ‘Did you follow me?’

Nate laughs, but instead of the easy, fun laugh that I’d got used to, this one is sarcastic. ‘Follow you?’ he repeats. ‘How would I have done that? You blocked me on everything. It’s like I don’t exist to you.’

‘Well … I just, I didn’t want to speak to you again.’ I lift my chin. ‘I don’t like being one of many girls. It’s not the type of person I am. I thought you knew that.’

‘What?’ Nate looks like I’m speaking another language.

‘I know about the other girls!’ I cry, losing my cool as I yell over the music. ‘I saw the bra and the clothes in the flat and that message saying to call Jane. You lied to me! You told me there wasn’t anyone else! And it made me realise that we aren’t right for each other. I’m not like that.’

He stares at me, his jaw slack. ‘ That’s why you left?’ he cries incredulously.

‘Of course that’s why I left!’ I explode. ‘What did you expect me to do? You’re just one of those guys! Like, when did she even leave? Was it the night before I saw you?’

He drags his hand through his hair. ‘Jane is someone I went on one date with weeks ago – that note was just Stevie winding me up – and that bra … That bra has nothing to do with me.’

‘Oh please!’ I cry, almost laughing myself now. ‘Why else would it be there? You told me you lived with your brother, who’s gay!’

‘I do live with my brother!’

‘Well then—’

‘That’s my brother!’ He launches an arm towards the stage, where Stevie Trixx is currently doing a lip sync to Britney Spears’ ‘Toxic’. ‘My brother is a drag queen!’

My jaw drops as every word I know falls out of my brain and I try to make sense of what Nate has just said.

That his brother … his brother is a drag queen … so the bra …

Oh my God.

‘You know what? Forget it.’

I go to speak but Nate has stormed out of the club.

But I’m not letting him go. Not this time.

I push my way through the fire exit. It swings open and thwacks the outside wall with a bang and I fall through it.

As soon as I step outside, icy, winter air wraps around my body and snatches my breath away, but I don’t care.

Nate is sitting on a wooden bench, right in the corner of the smoking area, fairy lights glittering around him.

I can hear traffic roaring past on the road outside, and the distant sirens.

But out here it’s just us, and as I stare at him, trying to work out what to say, it feels deathly silent.

‘Do you want a cigarette?’

He catches me off guard. ‘You don’t smoke, do you?’

Nate shakes his head. ‘No. I don’t have any cigarettes either … we’re just … well,’ he gestures around, ‘in a smoking area.’

We drop into a silence which seems to stretch across eternity. It’s unbearable.

‘Nate,’ I say, walking towards him.

‘Please,’ he says, staring down at his phone. ‘It’s fine. I just want to be alone.’

My heart thuds. He sounds so different to the Nate I was with at the weekend. His voice has lost its spark, its sense of fun and excitement. It sounds flatter now. He sounds tired.

It was easy not to miss him when I was angry at him, when I was convinced that he had fed me a string of lies. But now that I know he hadn’t … fuck, I feel like I might die if I don’t speak to him, if I don’t make this right.

‘I’m sorry,’ I say, wrapping my arms around my body as the chill nips at my skin.

‘But, like, you can see why I thought …’ I trail off, hoping he might say it’s all fine and he can see where I’m coming from and we can go back to how we were before, laughing with each other.

So comfortable around each other. But he doesn’t, he just stays tapping on his phone. It’s like I’m not here at all.

‘Nate …’ I say gently, desperate for him just to look at me, ‘Nate … I …’

‘Yes,’ he says, his voice flat. ‘I can see why you’d see a bra and women’s clothes and that stupid note and assume I’d been with another woman.’

Relief ripples through me. ‘Exactly! So—’

‘But why didn’t you stay and ask?’ His eyes flick up to mine and I flinch. They’re not just angry, they’re hurt.

‘I was in the shower,’ he says. ‘I would have been out in five minutes. Like, do you not know me at all? We’d just spent all that time together – how could you think of me like that? I thought the world of you. I thought you felt the same way I did.’

The last bit tumbles out of his mouth and I feel a lump form in my throat.

‘I’m sorry …’

‘And you didn’t even give me a chance to explain!’ he cries. ‘You just left and blocked me. You acted as if I didn’t exist – how could you do that?’ He eyes me, and when I don’t respond he shakes his head. ‘It’s fine. I just guess I didn’t know you as well as I thought I did.’

‘I’m sorry …’ I say again, my voice weak. ‘I just thought … I’ve had guys do this to me before, I just thought …’

‘You thought I was like everyone else?’

It’s like he’s got hold of my heart and is slowly pulling it out of my body, ready to crush it between his fingers.

I nod, tears brimming at the corners of my eyes. Because now I see him again, it’s like the clouds in my mind have all parted. Because of course he isn’t like everyone else. This is Nate. The guy who somehow makes me feel whole, even though we didn’t even know each other a few weeks ago.

I open my mouth to speak but he gets there first.

‘It’s fine,’ he says coldly. ‘I’m going back to New York on Monday anyway.’

My stomach drops. ‘Monday?’ I repeat.

‘Yup. I’ve just booked a flight.’ He looks up at me, daring me to question him or to ask him to stay.

But … I can’t.

‘Right,’ I say. ‘And … are you coming back?’

He shakes his head. ‘Nah. This isn’t the place for me.

I need to go back home. I better go back in.

’ He gets to his feet. ‘Good luck with everything, Annie. I’m sorry for getting so angry,’ he adds, and for a second I see a glimmer of the fun, caring Nate I spent the weekend with.

‘Thanks for making my time here fun, I really did love it the most when I was with you.’

He goes to walk past me and I grab his arm. ‘Wait!’ I cry, my heart beating outside of my chest. ‘Is that it? You can’t just leave! I know I screwed up, but don’t you want to fight for us?’

He looks down at me, his green eyes shining. I can see the idea playing in his mind; all he has to do is reach out and grab it.

But he looks away.

‘I’m sorry, Annie,’ he says. ‘I just don’t want to fight any more.’

He moves past me and walks inside, the fire door slamming behind him and making me jump. And suddenly, standing alone in the smoking area, the icy air feels as if it’s freezing me from the inside. Cold dread fills my body and I let the wind whip around me, rattling my bones.

He’s gone, and this time it’s for good.

And if I hadn’t run off in the first place … would he have stayed?