Page 53 of Falling for You

Annie

Right now, sitting on this bench, I’m actually really proud of myself. There are four reasons why.

I haven’t cried in the past hour. Depressingly, this is a big deal.

I’ve managed to fit everything into my suitcase, even though I ended up packing after half a bottle of wine.

I haven’t had a McDonald’s. Even though I really, really want one.

I haven’t thought about Nate in thirty minutes. Well, apart from now. Bollocks.

I stare longingly at the McDonald’s, sitting squarely opposite me. The golden arches are luring me in, the queue of people who are nicer to themselves than I am snaking around the corner of the station.

The next time I’ll see Tanya and Penny will be moving day, which I’m trying not to think about too much. We’ll still speak and see each other all the time, and lots of friends don’t live together and are still as close as ever. It will all be fine. Better than fine! Everything will be great.

I take a deep breath as the tears threaten again.

I’ve been trying really hard not to think about Nate.

I’ve tried every tactic that’s worked in the past. I’ve tried hating him, making up reasons that he’s somehow a huge arsehole and that I’m better off without him.

I’ve tried convincing myself that he’s actually really ugly and I’ve never fancied him in the first place.

I’ve tried telling myself that it’s a good thing and I’m much better single anyway.

I’ve even tried gaslighting myself into thinking that it wasn’t as good as I think it was and I imagined the whole thing.

But here’s the problem. Every time I force myself to think these thoughts, it’s like something in my body is screaming at me that it’s fake.

The same part that glowed the first time that we kissed, just behind my chest. It has this fierce, unwavering conviction that will not let Nate go. I’m scared it never will.

I get to my feet as I see my platform finally announced.

I messaged Mum and Dad to tell them that it was over with Nate, and that I didn’t want to talk about it. What I need is to go home and clear my head. I’ll find a great new place to live in and make some plans for the next year with my new, exciting job. Maybe I’ll book some trips.

I’ve had messages from four different people since Stevie’s show, all asking if they can work with me to make their costumes.

I walk towards the barrier and put my ticket in the machine. It sucks it through and I push my suitcase forwards.

I will get to the stage where I don’t see Nate everywhere I go. I will get over him. I will.