Page 49 of Falling for You

Nate

‘I’ve got a bone to pick with you.’

My eyes ache as I look up at Stevie, who has marched into the living room with his eyebrows raised, pointing his passport at me.

‘What?’ I ask, my throat dry and scratchy.

‘I saw you,’ Stevie says accusingly. ‘You left halfway through my show! You’ve been in London for six weeks and this is the first time you come and see me, and then you leave halfway through!’

I drop my head into my hands.

I left as soon as I walked away from Annie.

I just couldn’t take it any more. The music was too loud, the scent of alcohol too strong, the lights were too bright, the laughter and screams were too …

I don’t even know. I just had to leave. I sent Remy a message and jumped in a cab.

As soon as I got home, I lay on the sofa for hours, staring at the ceiling.

My head was spinning from the mixture of spirits and adrenaline swirling around my body, a million different thoughts erupting.

I never thought I’d see her again. I’d written her off, I’d let her go.

Well, of course I hadn’t actually let her go.

Life would be much easier if you could let someone go just like that, someone who broke your heart, when hours before you were planning your life with them, thanking your lucky stars that you’d finally found the person you’d spent your whole life searching for.

But I’d accepted the reality check. Life isn’t a movie. Life is hard, and shitty, and sad.

Round and round the thoughts went until I finally fell asleep, waking up a few hours later with a stiff neck from Stevie’s lumpy sofa as he came back.

I crawled straight into bed, too tired to brush my teeth or even drink some water.

Now, I feel as though something has died in my mouth.

Although, I have made it back onto the sofa.

‘I know,’ I say, my voice muffled between my cupped hands. ‘I’m sorry. Everything got a bit dramatic. You were so great, though.’

Stevie gives me an expectant look and then tuts. ‘I’ve got breakfast plans,’ he says. ‘Do you want to come?’

I shake my head. ‘I booked us flights for tomorrow, did you see?’

He nods, wrapping a large scarf around his neck. ‘I’ve already started packing.’

I hold my hand up to him as a goodbye and he slams the door. It sends a shudder through my weak, pathetic body.

Why did I do shots? I flop back down onto the sofa and shut my eyes.

I didn’t mean to get angry last night. It’s not who I am, and I never would have thought I could be so angry with Annie .

The brightest person I’ve ever met. But as soon as I saw her, it all poured out of me.

I couldn’t see her and not be filled with a boiling rage.

How could you leave so easily? Did you not feel the same way as I did? How could you do that to me?

But as soon as I said it I knew there was no point. I’d learnt my lesson. We weren’t meant to be. I just needed to go back home.

I must have fallen asleep, because next thing I know I’m being pulled out of a dream where I’m about to do a penalty shoot-out for Chelsea, when my phone vibrates next to me. I lurch awake, a damp patch of drool pooled into the sofa. I scrabble around for my phone and see Mom is video-calling me.

God, how long was I asleep for?

I force myself to sit up and take the call, expecting to see her warm, smiley face that might, for a moment, make my hangover and inescapable existential dread disappear. But she looks furious.

‘Mom?’ I say, alarmed by her expression. ‘Are you okay?’

‘No!’ Mom says at once, making me jump with her abrupt tone. ‘What’s this about you coming home?’

I raise myself up on my elbow and lean my throbbing head against my hand.

‘I’ve booked flights for tomorrow,’ I say. ‘For me and Stevie.’

‘And?’

I pause.

‘And what?’ I say.

‘And you’re coming back to live in New York, like your dad has just told me?’ Her face is scrunched up in annoyance.

‘Linda,’ I hear Dad’s voice somewhere in the background, ‘he wants to come back home.’

I sigh. ‘Yeah. I thought you’d be pleased,’ I add, sounding like a petulant child.

‘Well, I’m not!’

‘Thanks.’

‘You’ve been there five minutes, why are you coming home?’

How about, because the further away I go, the worse you seem to get?

Because I’m terrified that I’m running away from you to live out my dreams like the selfish asshole that I am?

Because I’m heartbroken and sad and, yeah, life here isn’t like the movies we spent years watching, because guess what? Life isn’t a movie.

But I don’t say any of that. She wouldn’t understand, and I could never bring myself to tell Mom that one of the reasons I want to come home is because of her. It would be too cruel.

‘Because I want to,’ I say eventually. ‘I’ve got to go. I’ll send Dad over our flight details. See you soon.’ I hang up before I give her the chance to reply and throw my phone onto the floor. And then I fall back to sleep.

I wake up a few hours later from a loud banging on the flat door.

My first thought is how the hell did Stevie ever survive without me if he can’t remember his goddam keys.

My head is still throbbing as I haul myself off the sofa, and I vow to chug a gallon of water as soon as I let Stevie in.

I tug the door open, rubbing my head, and am about to immediately turn back and throw myself back on the sofa when I take in the small, glamorous woman stood in front of me.

‘Aunt Tell?’ I manage. ‘What are you …’

‘Can I come in?’ She walks past me before I have a chance to answer and I wince at the state of the flat. There are old beer cans and plates stacked up on the coffee table, and a stench of sweat and stale alcohol that I only notice as Aunt Tell walks in.

‘Sorry,’ I say quickly, rushing to open a window, ‘I wasn’t expecting anyone.’

‘Remy said you’d be in,’ she says, perching dubiously on the sofa. ‘I thought I’d pop by.’

‘Would you like a coffee?’

‘He said that you were going back to New York.’

I’ll take that as a no. I lean against the windowsill. ‘I want to be with Mom.’

She purses her lips, looking around the room. The back of my eyes starts to throb as we sink back into silence.

‘Look,’ I say. ‘Now isn’t a great time. I—’

‘I spoke to your mom.’

She keeps her eyes fixed on her handbag, which she’s been idly fiddling with since she arrived.

‘Oh?’

‘We spoke on the phone,’ Aunt Tell continues. ‘It was nice. She’s exactly as she’s always been.’

I shift my body weight. ‘You caught her on a good day.’

‘We had a good laugh together.’

‘Good.’

We fall back into silence. Why is she here?

‘It’s been quite lonely here, all these years,’ she says, and to my alarm her voice has jumped up an octave. ‘With all my family on the other side of the world. You guys are all that I have.’

I can’t help it; my eyebrows rise sceptically. ‘But you … you never speak to us.’

‘I used to!’ she says, her dark eyes snapping defensively.

‘I rang your mom every week before everything … happened. I loved having you pop in and see me the other week, and come down to see my show. I told everyone in the company that my nephew was visiting. God knows, Stevie doesn’t visit me any more. ’

‘You can’t expect people to make an effort with you if you don’t make an effort with them,’ I say coldly.

She flinches at this and wrings her hands.

‘No,’ she says. ‘I suppose you’re right.

’ Her eyes downcast, she begins to twist a ring on her index finger.

‘I’m ashamed to say, Nathaniel, that it took your visit to make me call your mom again.

It was quite a hard look in the mirror, what you said to me.

’ I open my mouth to argue but she holds up a hand.

‘I needed it. I listened to what you said, and I spoke with Remy. He’s a good man, isn’t he?

’ I nod, and she smiles sadly. ‘What I’m trying to say is …

I’m going to come home. Once my show is finished.

Not for good, I love it here. But I want to be there for your mom. For Linda.’

Relief washes over me and I’m so exhausted that I feel like I could collapse. ‘Really?’

She nods. ‘Really.’

‘That’ll make her so happy,’ I say.

Aunt Tell gives me a small smile. ‘It’ll make me happy too.’