Page 199 of Falling for You

I hear a knock on the door. ‘Yup?’ I call out.

I need to pack a phone charger, laptop and laptop charger just in case I get stuck there because of the snow (seems ridiculous, but entirely possible). In which case, how many jumpers should I bring? Is five excessive?

‘Hey, have you got a minute?’ My head snaps up to seeTanya and Penny perched on my bed. I stare at them. Their heads are slightly low on their shoulders, an identical look of worry painted on both their faces.

‘Yeah?’ I say. ‘What is it?’

‘Maybe sit down,’ Tanya says and I immediately drop into my desk chair, my heart jumping around my body.

‘What’s going on? You’re scaring me. Who’s dying?’ I wait for Penny to laugh and call me a drama queen, and when she doesn’t, I feel like I might be sick. ‘Oh my God, it’s serious, isn’t it? What? Just tell me.’

‘I’m moving in with Mike.’ Penny blurts it out, as if all the words have collected in her mouth and have fallen out in one go.

I pause, a jumble of confused feelings pushing their way through my body. ‘Congratulations!’ I say, getting up and hugging her. ‘That’s great, but … oh, but …’ I trail off as realisation dawns on me. ‘You’re moving in with Mike? So, you’re … you’re moving out?’

Penny nods and out of nowhere I feel a lump in my throat.

Oh my God, I can’t cry. This is a huge deal for Penny. It’s exciting. I need to be excited.

But it’s just … Penny and I have lived together for the past ten years.

‘That’s great!’ I say, although now my voice is all weird and stretched, like it’s two octaves too high. ‘I’m so excited for you.’ I turn to Tanya and hit her on the leg. ‘Who are we going to get to fill the boxroom, eh? No nutters!’ I laugh too loudly and then realise that I’m the only one making anysound. I was so focused on Penny that I’d barely looked at Tanya, but she’s pulling the same expression as Penny.

Gosh, she looks more upset than I do. ‘Hey,’ I say, giving her hand a squeeze. ‘It’s okay. We’ll still see Pen all the time, and we can get her to make us loads of batches of stew before she goes so our freezer is full, right, Pen?’

‘I’m moving to Paris.’

Just like Penny, Tanya’s confession comes out in a weird, frantic burst, but this one hits me like a cold bucket of water.

‘What?’ I manage.

Penny has been with Mike for years. I always knew the day would come where Tanya and I would be left to our own devices for a few years, until we both eventually settled down when we wereboth ready.

‘Paris?’ I say stupidly. ‘Why?’

‘She’s been offered a job,’ Penny says, and I notice that she’s put her arm around Tanya’s shoulders supportively and I feel a horrible pang of guilt. She’s not hearing this for the first time. She already knew.

Oh my God, have they rehearsed this without me?

‘A job?’ I say, after realising that I’ve been silent for too long. ‘What job?’

‘It’s in the Paris office,’ Tanya says in a small voice. ‘I’ll be heading up their PR department. It’s quite a big deal.’

‘It’s a huge deal!’ Penny says loyally, giving Tanya’s shoulders a shake, and it’s only then that I notice I haven’t even said anything positive yet.

‘That’s amazing!’ I utter. ‘Wow, Tanya. That’s huge.’ I reach forward and give her a hug, but it’s all limp and cold,not like the warm, hard hugs that we normally give each other. ‘So … wow,’ I say when I sit back down. ‘You’re both moving … That’s amazing, it’s great. I’m so happy for you both.’

And the thing is, I do mean it, but my voice is weak, like it’s been stripped of all emotion.

‘We’re really sorry!’ Tanya cries. ‘We don’t want to leave you!’

I look down at my hands, feeling a flush of embarrassment. ‘Haha,’ I say in a weird, fake laugh. ‘I’m not your child, Tanya.’

Even though I do feel like one, quite a lot of the time.

‘No!’ Tanya says quickly, her face flushing. ‘Of course not. I just—’

‘It’s not for another month or so,’ Penny says.