Page 106 of Falling for You

‘Oh hi …Nate?’Penny gasps, immediately hitting Tanya. ‘This isNate!’

Tanya spins on the spot and eyeballs Nate, but his eyes are fixed on mine. ‘NottheNate?’ She glares at me for confirmation and then turns back to him. ‘Well! I have a few things I would like to say toyou!’

‘What are you doing here?’ I say, cutting across Tanya quickly before she starts verbally undressing him. ‘Did you follow me?’

Nate laughs, but instead of the easy, fun laugh that I’d got used to, this one is sarcastic. ‘Follow you?’ he repeats. ‘How would I have done that? You blocked me on everything. It’s like I don’t exist to you.’

‘Well … I just, I didn’t want to speak to you again.’ I lift my chin. ‘I don’t like being one of many girls. It’s not the type of person I am. I thought you knew that.’

‘What?’ Nate looks like I’m speaking another language.

‘I know about the other girls!’ I cry, losing my cool as I yell over the music. ‘I saw the bra and the clothes in the flat and that message saying to call Jane. You lied to me! You told me there wasn’t anyone else! And it made me realise that we aren’t right for each other. I’m not like that.’

He stares at me, his jaw slack. ‘That’swhy you left?’ he cries incredulously.

‘Of course that’s why I left!’ I explode. ‘What did you expect me to do? You’re just one of those guys! Like, when did she even leave? Was it the night before I saw you?’

He drags his hand through his hair. ‘Jane is someone I went on one date with weeks ago – that note was just Stevie winding me up – and that bra … That bra hasnothingto do with me.’

‘Oh please!’ I cry, almost laughing myself now. ‘Why else would it be there? You told me you lived with your brother, who’s gay!’

‘Idolive with my brother!’

‘Well then—’

‘That’s my brother!’ He launches an arm towards the stage, where Stevie Trixx is currently doing a lip sync to Britney Spears’ ‘Toxic’. ‘My brother is a drag queen!’

My jaw drops as every word I know falls out of my brain and I try to make sense of what Nate has just said.

That his brother … his brother is a drag queen … so the bra …

Oh my God.

‘You know what? Forget it.’

I go to speak but Nate has stormed out of the club.

But I’m not letting him go. Not this time.

I push my way through the fire exit. It swings open and thwacks the outside wall with a bang and I fall through it. As soon as I step outside, icy, winter air wraps around my body and snatches my breath away, but I don’t care. Nate is sitting on a wooden bench, right in the corner of the smoking area, fairy lights glittering around him. I can hear traffic roaring past on the road outside, and the distant sirens. But out here it’s just us, and as I stare at him, trying to work out what to say, it feels deathly silent.

‘Do you want a cigarette?’

He catches me off guard. ‘You don’t smoke, do you?’

Nate shakes his head. ‘No. I don’t have any cigarettes either … we’re just … well,’ he gestures around, ‘in a smoking area.’

We drop into a silence which seems to stretch across eternity. It’s unbearable.

‘Nate,’ I say, walking towards him.

‘Please,’ he says, staring down at his phone. ‘It’s fine. I just want to be alone.’

My heart thuds. He sounds so different to the Nate I was with at the weekend. His voice has lost its spark, its sense of fun and excitement. It sounds flatter now. He sounds tired.

It was easy not to miss him when I was angry at him,when I was convinced that he had fed me a string of lies. But now that I know he hadn’t … fuck, I feel like I might die if I don’t speak to him, if I don’t make this right.

‘I’m sorry,’ I say, wrapping my arms around my body as the chill nips at my skin. ‘But, like, you can see why I thought …’ I trail off, hoping he might say it’s all fine and he can see where I’m coming from and we can go back to how we were before, laughing with each other. So comfortable around each other. But he doesn’t, he just stays tapping on his phone. It’s like I’m not here at all.