Page 230 of Falling for You

‘How long have you been married?’ I ask.

‘Thirty-seven years!’ they chorus.

‘And this is the first time he’s come into work with me!’ Pam says.

Rodney pulls a face. ‘That’s not true. I’m your accountant.’

‘You were myhusbandfirst.’

She nestles into his chest and I feel myself grow warm. God, thirty-seven years together and they’re still dancing with each other in the kitchen. How have they done it?

‘Anyway!’ Pam claps her hands and takes her foamy coffee out from under the machine. ‘It’s a Monday and we are at work, so let’s get to it.’

She gives Rodney a crisp clap on the shoulder and he nods, suddenly back to looking like Rodney, our accountant, rather than Rodney, Pam’s husband.

‘Where’s everyone else?’ he says, picking up his briefcase. ‘You have seven employees on your books.’

The corners of his mouth are turning up in amusement, but Pam waves a hand at him dismissively. ‘It’s always just me and Annie for the first hour or so,’ she says, dropping into her wheely chair with such force that it starts to spin round. She grabs the corner of her desk and pulls herself towards her laptop, immediately adopting her natural position: hunched over, craned over the keyboard, chest and elbows bent forward, like the laptop is her only source of oxygen.

‘It’s really exciting about your plans to go travelling,’ I say to Rodney. His whole face lights up.

‘I can’t believe we’re actually going,’ he beams. ‘It’s something we’ve spoken about for years, but I always thought it was just a pipe dream, you know?’

My chest aches. ‘Yeah,’ I say quietly. ‘I know the feeling.’

‘Right,’ Rodney says, taking his cue from Pam picking up the phone. He doffs an imaginary hat at me and gives Pama peck on the cheek. But she’s in work mode now, her eyes squarely fixed on her screen. She does give a non-committal pout in his direction but doesn’t dare break her staring contest with her inbox. Rodney steps into the lift and I sit down. As soon as I see him disappear behind the lift doors my heart rate picks up.

‘So,’ Pam says when she looks up from her screen. ‘Why are you staring at me? Everything all right?’

‘I’d like to take up your offer and be CEO,’ I say. And although I’d practised saying this in my head my entire journey here and had every intention of sounding cool, calm and professional, it comes out more like: I’dliketotakeupyourofferandbeceo.

Thankfully, Pam and I have worked together long enough. She’s seen me in every state: nervous, excitable, stressed, anxious.

She turns to face me, spinning round and leaning back into her office chair. ‘Really?’

I nod, trying to ignore the anxiety that’s bubbling under my skin.

This is the right decision. This is the right decision.

‘Yes,’ I say, ‘I love this job, and I think I’m quite good at it—’

‘You’re very good at it.’

‘And I think it would be a good decision for me.’

Pam takes me in for a moment, before pulling out a packet of cigarettes from her breast pocket and sticking one in her mouth. She turns the packet towards me and I shake my head, before noticing that she’s flicked open a lighter.

‘Pam!’ I cry. ‘The fire alarms!’

She waves an arm at me, the glittering flame licking the end of the cigarette. ‘I turned them off,’ she mumbles, pausing to take a long drag. ‘It’s raining.’

I open my mouth to reply and decide against it. She’s lit up now – what can I do about it?

‘You look different today.’

I look down at myself. ‘Ah,’ I say. ‘Yes. I did a wardrobe clear-out at the weekend.’

She raises her eyebrows. ‘Why’s that?’